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Northern California Babies
s/o How did/do you decide how many kids you want to have?
Is it biological? Do you feel after x amount of kids you're just done?
Is it your age?
Is it money?
I'm just wondering when you *know* you're done having kids.
DH and I say we want 3-4 biological kids and I want to adopt some after that. (My ideal, still working on DH on adopting.) But I'm just wondering when you know that you're done?
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Re: s/o How did/do you decide how many kids you want to have?
For us it's a combo of things:
age (DH's)
money (we want our kid(s) to grow up in a similar ecomonic status as we did and provide for them the experiences our parents did for us)
being aware of population growth and the impact each child has on the environment and it's resources (we wouldn't choose to have more than 2 children to replace the two of us)
The decision hasn't been made yet, but my guess is that Dane will be our only kid.
I would like to have one more biological child maybe two if we are lucky! I grew up as the only biological child, I have two adopted siblings. We might stop after two kids, I think it will really depend on fiances, and housing. Living on the peninsula, houses are just so dang small for the money you spend. I don't forsee us being able to afford, or house a large family in this area. And I can't stand the idea of commuting. But you never know, people live in small housing with multiple kids, you just make it work. Age is not a factor for us right now, I'm 28 and dh is 29.
I have always wanted two or three kids. I have one sibling and DH has three.
I am using how my pregnancies go to determine how many kids we have. When I was pregnant with Peyton, I thought I could be pregnant for ever, it was a very easy pregnancy. This one is a bit more difficult and has me rethinking having another.
I am still leaning towards 3 kids, but I think DH is fine with two. We will have to see how it all works out.
We always said we just wanted one. ?I was a daycare kid when I was older and hated it, so I knew that if we could have one we could afford a nanny easily. ?Also my birth experience with A makes me think that I could not go through that again. ?Physically or emotionally.
I think DH would like to try for a boy but at this point I think A will be an only child.?
Good post! We (or should I say I) am struggling with this right now. We have two kids that are just under 18 months apart, and DH desperately wants a third and final child. Given my age, I don't think we could wait too long to have another, so if we were able to get PG again, the 3rd kid would be close in age to the others as well - no more than 2 years younger than our 2nd kid, and likely closer if we decide and are successful at TTC.
Two kids close in age is a lot of work, and I'm not sure I could handle another one. I love the idea of 3 though, and love seeing families with 3 kids out and about. I also love it when they're older, and think the more siblings the better. It's the first few years that are difficult, and it's a finite period of time.
Honestly, if I was younger, I think I'd want 4 or 5! I love being PG, love babies, love big families, and we live in a very kid-friendly, family-oriented community. It's just having a third close in age to my other 2. I'm barely hanging on to my sanity right now, and I fear a third would push me over the edge!
I've always wanted 2 kids... I had my sister, and that was mostly good, so 2 has always been "my" number.
DH has a total of 7 siblings of various types (half and full) but he didn't necessarily want a big family.
We had pretty much agreed on 2; we feel like we could provide well for 2; send them to college, take vacations, etc. A family of four feels complete to me.
And then Max came along, and with it, my new/recurring health issues. I was told point blank that Max's birth was really a best-case scenario for me, and that another pregnancy would at best, be premature again and at worst, kill me.
DH seems OK with Max being an only... I really think our family won't be complete without another child. We haven't talked about it "for real" but I think we'll end up adopting in a couple of years. I hate to think about it now, because I'm trying really hard to focus on Max and DH and what I *do* have, but I also don't think I'm ready to be done.
My health, again, is a concern though. I don't think that an agency is going to allow us to adopt with me on dialysis, and with the wait for a kidney being 5-7 years, that would be a bigger age difference than I would want. (I think 3 years is the ideal space between kids.)
So I guess what all these words are trying to say is: We don't know if we've decided how many kids we want... only time will tell!
I always knew, if I was able to, I'd want to have at least 2 kids. I always thought 3 would be my limit though.
I'm not too concerned with my age (I'll be 30 this year). DH, on the other hand, is.
I'm mostly concerned about space. We live in a small 3 BR home, so adding a #3 would make for quite a cozy home. Doable, but cozy.
I think a lot has to do with what you had growing up. I have one brother 4 years younger than me- I want one more child, ideally to be born when Alex is 4 or 5 years old. I always have... Dh wants 2 as well even though he has 2 brothers. He feels like it's important to give Alex a sibling but 3 would be too much for us in a LOT of ways.
I have a looooong history of twins in my family (my dad is a twin, and there are twins all over his side of my family tree) so we may end up with three, and that would be ok with us, but we will not ttc more than one more pregnancy.
Interesting to read all these answers!
H
I NEVER would have guessed that you are on the brink! You always seem so calm and collected! I think you have it more together than you give yourself credit for
We have always talked about having two. HOWEVER we both would like to have a girl and my family is I have two older brothers which makes me the youngest.
So if we had another boy......... it would almost make me want to have a third.
Finances definately play a role in it, but hopefully we will be living more in a country more simple life setting within the next 5 years.
So as of now, 2 or 3 ? I think 3 would be my absolute limit !
Lexi was a surprise. We werent really ready to be parents, but we took what we got and its been wonderful. I was ready to be PG again before Lexi was a year old. DH not so much. Took me a whole year to get him on board. We got pg after about 4 months of trying. He told me many times during the 1st tri that if it was a boy we were done. And sure enough i have my little Orion. Im wanting another but it will be a while for sure. I pay out the ears in daycare and cant afford another baby for at least 4 more years. so we will see. i want a big family. but i would be open for adoption as well.
Hmm, I don't think it's biological, and it's definitely not age. For DH it's money, and a little for me too. I want to be able to give them lots of experiences - and that costs money.
I grew up in a family of 4 kids, and always liked having lots of siblings. I thought 4 was alot though so 3 is my ideal. DH only wanted 2. We agreed that we would have 2 biological - if we had one of each (boy and girl) we'd stop there. If we had 2 of the same we'd adopt one more of the opposite sex for a total of 3. I had to work with DH on adopting too, but now he's come around. Both my sisters are adopted and I always wanted that too.
So, as of now, we'll have the 2 bio boys, and in a few years we're planning on adopting a girl from China. Then we're done!
Orignally we agreed on zero! Then a terrible tragety had us rethink lots of things and we decided to try for one. I was done with one! We're now "working" on #2!
Our decision was based on DH really wanting a sib for O. I like being pg, however I'm not a huge fan of the newborn stage (seeing I had a non-sleeping, colic experience for the first year), but I'm loving nearly two stage! I'm hoping we're done with 2, but clearly I'm a pushover!
I love big families too. That's why I want so many kids, lol. I think it's the Filipino part of me. I only had my brother and remembered begging my mom to have more or even adopt even up until high school. I wanted more siblings.
When I was younger, I didn't want any kids...and then I thought 2 would be nice...and then I switched to "let's see how I do with 1"...and then I married DH and I wanted 2 and he only wanted one. Now we both want 2 (desparately) and God hasn't blessed us yet. I'd even like three but I wouldn't dare bring that up to DH.
DH and I both always wanted 2, though to be honest this first year with 1 has been a little tough on our marriage and we've even talked about having an only child, but I think we'll still try for 2. I think several things play a role in this - it's just what a "normal" family looks like to both of us since we were both 1 of 2 kids; I believe in the theory of just replacing yourself to help with over-population; I also want to provide for my children what was provided for me (if at all possible) and that means paying for college, being able to afford family vacations, etc. which obviously gets tougher to manage financially the more children you have; and I don't think I can handle more than two.
br
For some crazy reason I wouldn't mind 4. DH seems to be ok with 3, and that would be fine and dandy with me, too. I think it's more realistic to think at our age & my IF we'll maybe have one, maybe two.
I'm an only child, and it's definitely the reason that I want more than one. I was lonely, and I don't think my social skills with my peers was as developed as they would have been with a sibling.
We want 2. I have 2 siblings and dh has 1, so we thought that being a family of 4 was a nice idea. I think that 2 works for us financially and if all goes as planned we'll have 2 before I'm 30.
I loved being pg and I had an awesome birth so I think after #2 is born I might try to convince dh to go for a third but we'll see.
We want 3 - 4 kids. I'm hoping that the next time around it won't take as long to get pg.
I really loved being pregnant and I loved my delivery experience. I look at Maile and can't wait for her to have more siblings and our family to grow.?
We'd ideally like 2, but since 1 was kind of a miracle we are ok with one if that's how it happens.
Everything impacts that decision for us...age, finances and biologically-it's very difficult for me to get pregnant and carry to term so that's a major issue. We won't do IVF again or any other treatment. Later down the road, if we decide we really want another, we'll pursue adoption. We'll have to pull mony out of our ass for that, though so it's very far down the road (unfortunately).