NWMR: Waking for the day at 4:30 a.m.

MickeyM04 · October 2014

So my 2 year old has always been an early bird ever since he was a baby, with a typical wake up time of about 5:30 a.m. He wakes up very happy and chattering to himself, singing, and whatnot, and then we usually go in there at about 6:00 and get him dressed (or on the weekends leave him in his PJs and just change his diaper) and start our day. For the last week, however, he has been waking up at 4:30 on the nose every. single. morning. And instead of waking up happy and singing and content to chill for a half hour or so, he wakes up yelling/fake crying (it literally sounds like, "WAHHHHHHH"). He shares a wall with DD so we don't let him go for more than a few minutes before we go in there to quiet him down. The instant he sees one of us he is all, "Hi Daddy! I wanna take a shower! I wanna watch Monsters!" One of us will usually lay in bed with him for about 15 minutes before he is all, "I wanna get up, I wanna get up. I want shower." Then we bring him into our room and we can usually get him to lay for another 10-15 minutes before he starts yelling that he wants milk, he wants to take a shower, he wants up, etc. etc.

Then he is generally fine all morning until right around noon, and he crashes for nap immediately after lunch. At DC he naps for two hours. At home on the weekends he naps for about 3.5-4 hours (?!). Then he has had the same bedtime routine since DD arrived (we had to modify what we had been doing before she was born), which is that at about 7:00, I start nursing DD and he sits next to us in bed and watches Monsters University on the iPad (yes, every night, and every morning--again: ?!). At about 7:15 or 7:20, DH comes in and takes him to his bath. He's done with his bath at about 7:30, and then he gets a story and milk in his room with DH until he crashes for the night at about 7:45. No fights at bedtime whatsoever, nor at nap. Then he STTN except for the fact that he wakes up like clockwork at 4:30 a.m. perfectly content to start his day. DH and I are at our wit's end trying to figure out how to get him to sleep later. On Saturday night we put him to bed at 8:30, figuring if he went to bed 45-60 minutes later, he'd sleep later. Nope, woke up at 4:30. One night we tried putting him down a smidge earlier, thinking sleep begets sleep or whatever. Nope, woke up at 4:30.

I know kids go through phases but I am worried that it's been a week already, and are we creating some sort of habit, going in there at 4:30, laying with him, then bringing him into our room and laying with him, then DH showering with him, etc. It's like I'm worried that normally he would go back to sleep but for the fact that now he wakes up at 4:30 and starts yelling/crying because he knows it's time to get up and lay down with mommy and daddy. But we can't just leave him in there to holler for 30-60 minutes until we want to get up, because you can hear him in DD's room. WWYD?

Virgo17 · October 2014

I'm not sure what to suggest, but I do think it rewards him when you go into his room at that time. He is learning that if he wakes up and cries he gets mommy/daddy's attention and gets to watch tv.

Is there a way to rearrange the rooms so that the beds aren't close to each other? Do you know that DD will definitely wake up if you let him cry for a bit? I know not everyone agrees with CIO, but it may be something to consider.

Unfortunately, some kids are early risers, but I do agree that 4:30am is a bit much. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, especially with a 5 month old in the mix.

hmd · October 2014

I would cut his nap. Wake him up after a couple hours at most. My two year old sleeps from about 8-6:30 or 7 and only naps for 1-2 hours/day. He has always been a horrible sleeper. I would also break the cycle of letting him watch Monsters before bed and when he wakes. My older boys would wake up early and want to go downstairs and watch tv, and I had to cut that out (we had let them do it occasionally). I didn't want it to become a habit or have them wake up and not go back to sleep because they think they can go watch tv.

Start with these and then re-evaluate if it's still a problem.

Good luck!

MickeyM04 · October 2014

(Edited for typo)

Yeah I was thinking about one of those little clock things too but I think he is a little young to understand. Also he stays in bed and everything, he just yells and hollers at the top of his lungs until we go in there. And we let him go for awhile most days, but then we hear her start stirring on her monitor and then we are like, "Shit, get in there and quiet him down before she wakes up." We also tried for a couple days going in there and telling him it was time to be quiet and go back to sleep and it just turned into even more yelling/tantruming: "NO GO SLEEP! I WANT UP!!!" I'm not anti-CIO or anything; we let DD cry the other night for over an hour when she woke up at 2 to eat and then refused to go back down. Luckily DS did not wake up because he sleeps like a rock, but DD is a SUPER light sleeper, so we have been very hesitant to let him go too long because generally he starts up and then within a few minutes we hear her start stirring and we realize she can probably hear him. We have white noise in her room, I may try to turn it up louder or something and then let him go.

I think the ultimate problem is, he wakes up at 4:30 and he is just NOT tired. Like there is no way he is going back to sleep. I mean it's not that much earlier than he usually wakes up. A 5:30 wake up is "late" for him. So it doesn't surprise me that he would wake up at 4:30 and just be up. He just does not want to lay quietly in bed. And it's pitch black in there at 4:30 (duh) so he can't even like entertain himself to go play (he can't reach the light switch), which I'm not sure he would do anyway since he literally does not get out of bed until you tell him it's OK. So basically we have to somehow teach him/convince him that when he wakes up at 4:30 and is not tired anymore and it's dark, he has to just lay quietly in the dark for an hour until it's time to get up. I have no earthly idea how to do that other than letting him lay there and yell until he figures it out, and then I guess I just have to pray that it doesn't wake DD?

emberlee3 · October 2014

Is it possible there is a noise outside waking him up? We have a lot of construction in our neighborhood, plus delivery trucks that come to the grocery store across the street. In the spring, birds are chirping well before 4 a.m. I have white noise machines in both kids' rooms.

It is partly habit, too. You can try an ok to wake clock. Tell him you or DH will come get him when the clock turns green. Show him some books or a sippy of water he can reach while he waits. Make sure you don't feed him right away because hunger is a habit, too, and his stomach will wake him up if it's used to eating at that time.

MickeyM04 · October 2014

@emberlee3, do you have any suggestion as to what we could leave for him in the pitch blackness of his room? We did leave a sippy of water in there so he could have that, but I don't know that books would work given that it is literally pitch black in his room at 4:30 a.m. We have been able to hold off on giving him anything to eat/drink (other than the sippy of water) until closer to 6:00 a.m. so I don't think it's that.

I don't believe there's any noise waking him up although Lord knows if there was, I would sleep through it at 4:30. He does have white noise so maybe I could turn it up a bit and see if that helps. It's strange, this is literally the last week this started happening. We have changed nothing for the last 5 months. Naps, bedtime, routine has all been the same. I shudder to think when we change the clocks back.

alli2672 · October 2014

tricia560 said:

I don't have any advice, just commiseration, because Bud is on the 4:30 rise and shine boat too :-( We bed share, so I'm sometimes able to give him a bottle and get him back to bed for another hour, but not always. My bedtime is now 8:30!

I would probably make an earlier bedtime for myself too Maybe he wants to have a little one on one time with his parents? 5 months is still a relatively new baby, and maybe your 2 y/o misses being the only child.

I would just switch my night chores around to morning chores and plan to do them with a 2 y/o in tow. However, I am a morning person by nature, and I have no problems going to bed with dishes still in the sink.

I am sure it won't last forever. At some point, he will be a moody teenager and you will have to force him out of bed

MickeyM04 · October 2014

I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

One of those tap lights is a good idea; I may try that. His room is completely baby proofed so there's nothing I would be worried about him getting into if he was in there by himself puttering for an hour while I continued to sleep. I am happy to cut the weekend nap shorter, but it's weird because when he's at school he has a MUCH shorter nap and the same exact thing happens. Not to mention the fact that he is completely zonked when he goes to bed at 7:45. Falls asleep 2 minutes after his head hits the pillow. But I get that they only need so many hours of sleep so whatever they get during the day probably limits night sleep. But I would then assume that during the week he would wake up later (since daycare naps are shorter). It may just be a (long) phase, but if it keeps up I will try the tap light and wake up clock recommendations and see if he can't at least entertain himself for an hour. I am definitely OK to start the day at 5:30 (have been doing it for 2 years) but 4:30 is a bit much for me. Especially since I'm up for at least half an hour during the middle of the night with DD.

emberlee3 · October 2014

DS has always been an early riser. It takes a few weeks of a new routine before his inner clock resets. Be consistent, and it will eventually work itself out.

litzo27 · October 2014

DS1 went through that stage and we did what you did - laid down with him and after a while he would go back to bed. It lasted a couple of week only. But DS2 went through that stage and the laying down was not working. So I got the change-color clock thing for him when he was 2. I thought he was too young to understand - nope, after a couple of weeks it worked great. We were VERY consistent. If he woke up before the color change we would just walk him back to bed. No talking, no lights. Walk back 20 times if need be. He is 3 now and we still have it in their room (they share).

shakinros · October 2014

Yep I second (third?) the ok to wake clock. My dd is 2 and she understands it. She got it just before she turned 2 and I think it helps take the uncertainty out of what's going to happen in the morning. He doesn't know it's 430, not 530. It's dark either way. As far as he knows, he woke up so it's morning and time to get up.

We introduced it by showing her, letting her play with it and saying "when your clock turns green, mommy will come and get you." Then we set it for her usual wake up time (530) for the first week. Reminded her every night at bed what would happen: "when the clock turns green, mommy will come in and get you." Make sure you're ready to go in there at the minute it turns green to reinforce what happens: "your clock is green! Daddy came in to get you!" DD got it in only three days or so. I could hear her through the monitor saying "clock turn geen, mommy come in."

So then we bumped it back 15 minutes per week until an acceptable time (for me) was reached. I now go in and get her at 630 in the morning and it is glorious. She sometimes still wakes at 530 but she talks and sings until the clock goes off.

I think you'll have to start with getting him at 430 for a little longer until he understands the idea, but it will get better! DD had a period from about 11 months to 16 months where she woke at 430 every day doing that angry crying thing you describe and it was BRUTAL. I really feel for you.

bumpuser10331514 · October 2014

Are there any poop/pee activities taking place that are getting him up? If so, maybe less to drink right before bed or a change in diet at dinner time? Maybe start pottytraining, so he can relieve himself and go the H back to bed.

DS is also an early riser and we're in the midst of dealing with it ourselves. If poop isn't the issue, we generally let him have milk in his room and let him play for 30 min. He's gotten used to us not going in there until there's some daylight, although for a while there he would call out "Poop! Poop!" from his room knowing we'd come. After a while we smartened up, but he still will call out "Poop! Poop!" and grab his butt if he thinks we're not paying enough attention to him. I frickin' love that kid.

:x

chloebeth930 · October 2014

I would say it is a phase that you have to ride out. A few months back DD was getting up around 5-5:30 (normal wake up time is 7:30). It didn't matter what we did or changed. We just rode it out (lasted about 2 weeks) and then she went back on her own.

marym94 · October 2014

My two year old occasionally gets up at 5 or 530 and that is just too early for us... Especially since we are expecting and trying to get as much sleep now as possible! When he does wake up that early we go into his room... Lights stay off and we tell him it's night time and sing a song and repeat his prayers and he goes right back down for another hour, at least! Just a recommendation to try?!

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