working after baby? rant/question

lisap0924 · October 2014

My H and I are still trying to decide what we want to do as far as me working after baby is born.

I work full-time for my towns elementary school, and part time as an event coordinator for adults with disabilities. I would REALLY love to take a year (or so) off and just work my part-time job. H is on-board with this, but there is a chance he may strike in August. (he works for Verizon-our local phone company and their contract expires in August)

He was just notified of this last week, by a notice from his union saying "start saving your money, we are probably striking in August and we could be out for a while"

I don't want my family to be in financial troubles, but I also want to spend the days with my baby. I am very torn!

Will you be going back to work after baby?

I know some families don't have a choice so I feel very blessed and lucky to have this choice.

brown101 · October 2014

I'm returning to work after 10 weeks. I have a DS in daycare already. For me... I NEED to be able to be challenged in a way that being at home wouldn't provide me. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be home with DS - but I also understand myself - and know that I am a better mom because I'm being mentally challenged at work and I can TRULY enjoy each and every minute I am home with DS. I know we're not all the same - but for me - I feel I'm a better mom because I'm away for a while throughout the day. NOW.. finding an amazing daycare provider has helped me so so so much with my decision and feeling comfortable with leaving my DS 40 hours a week! HE LOVES his daycare and all the kids there!

lisap0924 · October 2014

chilibeansm0m said:

I am going back after 4 months roughly. 6 weeks after baby assuming a normal delivery plus 12 weeks fmla/bonding. When I was working in the field I was nervous about getting back out there with a lo at home. Though I was only part time (30 hours). Luckily a position opened/was created for me in the office. I'm still doing that now but the door is always open to go back in the field. I'm not sure what I would do if h was at risk of a strike. That's scary.

Yes! strike is scarey! We've been through it before, but we were able to take a loan off the 401K at the time (we have since bought a house and got married so that is no longer an option) AND it only ended up being two weeks so we didn't have to utilize the 402k money and we also didn't have a newborn at home.

thejucheidea · October 2014

I'll be going back to work as soon as I'm medically cleared to do so. Ideally, I'd love to go back part-time after a couple of weeks, but it'll depend on how everything goes birth-wise. I'd like to stay at part-time for three or four months.

Not only do we need dual income, but I love my job and feel very fulfilled by it. I'm also a very big component of my team at work and have a lot of additional responsibilities above and beyond the normal tasks assigned to someone in my position. If I left, it would be really shitty for my coworkers. I already feel bad knowing that I'm going to have to be completely absent for awhile, even though it's for like the best reason.

lisap0924 · October 2014

brown101 said:

I'm returning to work after 10 weeks. I have a DS in daycare already. For me... I NEED to be able to be challenged in a way that being at home wouldn't provide me. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be home with DS - but I also understand myself - and know that I am a better mom because I'm being mentally challenged at work and I can TRULY enjoy each and every minute I am home with DS. I know we're not all the same - but for me - I feel I'm a better mom because I'm away for a while throughout the day. NOW.. finding an amazing daycare provider has helped me so so so much with my decision and feeling comfortable with leaving my DS 40 hours a week! HE LOVES his daycare and all the kids there!

I agree, while I want to be able to stay home with baby for a while, I don't think I would be happy being a FT SAHM. I enjoy adult interaction

But then again, idk since I am a FTM

lisap0924 · October 2014

thejucheidea said:

I'll be going back to work as soon as I'm medically cleared to do so. Ideally, I'd love to go back part-time after a couple of weeks, but it'll depend on how everything goes birth-wise. I'd like to stay at part-time for three or four months.

Not only do we need dual income, but I love my job and feel very fulfilled by it. I'm also a very big component of my team at work and have a lot of additional responsibilities above and beyond the normal tasks assigned to someone in my position. If I left, it would be really shitty for my coworkers. I already feel bad knowing that I'm going to have to be completely absent for awhile, even though it's for like the best reason.

I wish I loved my full time job, but I don't. I work 1:1 with a 2nd grader with autism. while I am certainly not an autism expert, I feel I know a lot about autism and I feel like I am good at my job.

my boss makes my job very difficult. she is very "old school" and really has no patients or knowledge of autism. it is frustrating to me because I cant do my job how I should.

I do however, LOVE my pt job at night.

lisap0924 · October 2014

Darbie914 said:

I'll be going back to work at either 6 or 8 weeks depending on delivery but I might use my two weeks paid vacation to extend it. We both work because we have to but also because I like working. If My husbands job was in limbo, I wouldn't make plans to leave my job because financial difficulties can suck so hard. We are just starting to get out from under our rock but it took a few years, a ton of sacrifices, and a lot of stress, fights, and tears. If you and your H have the savings to back up your plans even if he ends up on a prolonged strike, then it could work. But it is a scary prospect.

it is scary and I guess I am just a little bummed that my plan may not work out. I guess I am also a little jealous that if H goes on strike, he will be home with baby and not me.

I know that is totally stupid because he is the father and has all rights to stay home. I always just thought it would be me. I think I just need to wrap my brain around all of this and suck it up. LOL

052806 · October 2014

Yes. I went back the first 2 times and will this time as well. I took 10 months the first time, 4.5 months the first time (followed by 6 weeks at work and the summer off).

honkytonk_kid · October 2014

I'm not going back, at least for the first year or so. I took 9 months "off" after P (really just a break between graduating and starting my first job. It was a good amount of time and I was happy SAH but it was also the right time for me to start working, financially and career-wise. This time I will have several years experience as an RN on my resume which is enough to find a job at almost any hospital around here even with a gap in employment.

Between now and August you have quite a bit of time. I would start living like you only have H's paycheck and saving what you make, or at least everything you make at your full time job. That way if he does end up on strike you have a cushion, and if he doesn't that saved money will make SAH all the easier.

LynnBrown4 · October 2014

I'm taking a full year off, because it's my first (and probably only) child, and because I can. Will be going back to work after the parental leave, though.

daizedoo · October 2014

I work from home currently, going into the office once a week. My parents think I have the best job/situation ever, and I'd be stupid to quit. DH agrees, but says the decision is mine. His salary can support all of us, and he's already budgeted in case I do lose my job for whatever reason.

My mom has offered to babysit on the day that I go into work. Everyone seems to think I can still work from home AND take care of a baby. I am not sure how this will work. I don't want to hire a sitter or do day care, and it's also expensive where I live and I will basically be working to pay someone else to raise my kid. I am guessing after my maternity leave is up, I will at least give it a shot and see if it can work.

Skrittens · October 2014

I have to go back to work - I fully support our family. And I want to. Financially, it wouldn't really impact us if my H stayed home (I think we might save a little actually) but we decided he should continue to work because it is personally satisfying for him.

copperrose · October 2014

How easy is to get back into the schools? Around here it wouldn't be too difficult and if you couldn't there are usually other jobs in that field that come by easily (at a similar pay rate). Also, you will get a better sense of an impending strike the closer you get. Can you take off until the summer and then let them know in July or August. Obviously with enough time for them to hire someone if the strike doesn't look likely. Good luck! My Dad just retired from Verizon after 42 years and I know the fear of striking well.

corabrie · October 2014

I'm going back to work after 12 weeks. I am REALLY hoping that I will be able to go part time at my current job. I haven't told my work I'm pregnant yet, so I have no idea if they will let me. I don't want to find a new part time job, because my work is super flexible and my boss loves me. Plus I really hate being the new person at work!

lynndavid6912 · October 2014

I'll be off for about 10-12 weeks through the end of my school year a will go back full time in the fall on my regular contract. I have no desire to SAH.

Also, not trying to start anything but @daizedoo‌ , stating that you would be paying someone else to raise your child by using daycare is fairly offensive to those of us that actively choose daycare or some kind of childcare for our LOs. DH and I have lots of wonderful support in caring for our daughter, but I can assure you, we are the ones raising her.

daizedoo · October 2014

@lynndavid6912 sorry, did not mean to offend. What I meant was that day care is extremely expensive where I live (nearly the price of an apartment) and since we can afford for me to stay home, I'd rather do that then hand over my entire paycheck to someone.

lynndavid6912 · October 2014

daizedoo said:
@lynndavid6912 sorry, did not mean to offend. What I meant was that day care is extremely expensive where I live (nearly the price of an apartment) and since we can afford for me to stay home, I'd rather do that then hand over my entire paycheck to someone.

Totally get it and figured that's what you meant- it's just one of those things I'm kind of hyper-sensitive about and I know a lot of mamas that work outside the home can be as well. In the end, we all do what works best for our families!

AlinnJo · October 2014

I was a teacher and planned to go back to work. I went back and by the end of my first week I knew I didn't want to be there. I stayed for a month while they hired my replacement and I haven't looked back. I feel very fortunate to have the choice to work or stay home.

However, if my husband's job was not 100% I would not make the choice to stay home. I would plan on going back to work unless we had a very large savings and budget. SAH is not worth the financial stress if something were to happen.

JCWhitey · October 2014

I have to take 6 weeks because it's policy at work, but will be back as soon as that is up. I love working. I don't need to, we could easily live off of DH's income, but I actually will be making more than him and love the extra income. But I also am the director of a childcare program so the baby will just come to work with me. It's kind of the best of both worlds, but not a job for everyone.

cesquer · October 2014

I am taking 4 months. I fantasize about staying home and raising my baby for the first few years like most of my friends but we need our dual income. LA is expensive...

Shellyhume · October 2014

I'll be going back to teaching in the fall... My mat. leave will take me straight through til the summer... So Baby will be about 5 months (barring any early delivery) when I go back.

I have to work, though... My salary pays for my children's tuition and my school loans.

meowkitten · October 2014

I'll be going back 5-6 weeks after the baby is born, maybe earlier part-time if if can. DH works freelance and I make about 85% of our income so he will stay home with the baby. I'm off at the end of May for summer break anyways so I will have ten weeks off then.

I am so not cut out to be a SAHM...I love working and I get antsy just over school breaks. Luckily DH has always wanted to stay home so it works out!

Ardmhs83 · October 2014

As of now we are planning for me to take a year off, if that doesn't work it will most definitely be 6 months off. With DS I only took 13 weeks off and I was miserable going back, it was just too hard. I'm a teacher and between pumping 3x a day and dealing with PPD/PPA I clearly had a breakdown. For the sake of my mental health I need more time off this time. I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but we are going to see how the year goes first. If all else fails and I don't want to go back to teaching, I'll get a weekend part-time job somewhere to supplement some income so I can be home during the week.

aprilk86 · October 2014

My employer doesn't offer paid time off so by my due date I will have only a total of 6 weeks of combined sick and vacation time to use :-( my husband actually thinks that's a lot of time and we can't afford any time without pay

peeppeeppeep · October 2014

I feel very fortunate because I can do a lot of work from home and I have a lot of flexibility - I am graduate student - but I need to get this stupid dissertation done and I will be going on the job market next fall. So I will need childcare at least two days a week in the fall. Other than writing, I will be off when our baby is born until September. I am planning to take about a month off completely. When my husband takes his partner leave, I will get out out of the house and write as much as possible. And I have a very good friend who with one baby who is interested in trading care so we each get some time to write and teach.

I am so excited and grateful to have lots of time with LO next summer, but I really think I will need the intellectual stimulation and adult interactions of work. If DH and I made more money, I would absolutely pursue full-time care, and if my academic job search is successful, we will. I think being a SAHM would make me very unhappy. I am a FTM, though, so who knows?

thejucheidea · October 2014

peeppeeppeep said:

I am so excited and grateful to have lots of time with LO next summer, but I really think I will need the intellectual stimulation and adult interactions of work. If DH and I made more money, I would absolutely pursue full-time care, and if my academic job search is successful, we will. I think being a SAHM would make me very unhappy. I am a FTM, though, so who knows?

I feel the same way and have caught a lot of shit for it.

Shellyhume · October 2014

thejucheidea said:

peeppeeppeep said:

I am so excited and grateful to have lots of time with LO next summer, but I really think I will need the intellectual stimulation and adult interactions of work. If DH and I made more money, I would absolutely pursue full-time care, and if my academic job search is successful, we will. I think being a SAHM would make me very unhappy. I am a FTM, though, so who knows?

I feel the same way and have caught a lot of * for it.

I tried the SAHM thing... It made me happier at first but I began missing being with other grown ups. Definitely worth staying home for several months but I wouldn't burn any bridges by quitting my job to stay home longer.

skatergrl · October 2014

I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom so that's the plan for us right now. However, if there was uncertainty about my husband's job, I probably wouldn't do it. I liked the suggestion about saving up as much money as you can. If by March it looks like the savings are going to be there to carry you through the strike, then you may be fine to do that but only you and your husband know your expenses and whether or not you can financially swing it during that time period. Best wishes! It's a tough decision.

mwerren · October 2014

Very tough decision for you. My SIL was on strike for 7 months and nearly lost everything. If I were in your shoes, I might wait until after August and look for a new, more satisfying job. Maybe just take a few months off after the birth. But it's your decision!
My situation is different. I run my business so I'm dreading even missing 6 weeks of it. Husband is going to be a SAHD since he's a way better housewife than me lol

RMama2012 · October 2014

lisap0924 said:

Darbie914 said:

I'll be going back to work at either 6 or 8 weeks depending on delivery but I might use my two weeks paid vacation to extend it. We both work because we have to but also because I like working. If My husbands job was in limbo, I wouldn't make plans to leave my job because financial difficulties can suck so hard. We are just starting to get out from under our rock but it took a few years, a ton of sacrifices, and a lot of stress, fights, and tears. If you and your H have the savings to back up your plans even if he ends up on a prolonged strike, then it could work. But it is a scary prospect.

it is scary and I guess I am just a little bummed that my plan may not work out. I guess I am also a little jealous that if H goes on strike, he will be home with baby and not me.
I know that is totally stupid because he is the father and has all rights to stay home. I always just thought it would be me. I think I just need to wrap my brain around all of this and suck it up. LOL

I can relate. I was incredibly unhappy back at work. I didnt care for my job and I have a bad commute but had to go back. Then just before DS turned one, DH was laid off. He took the opportunity to change careers as thats what he had been thinking about anyway and ended up being out for 11 months. I did feel jealous a bit but the truth is, he wanted to be working and wanted me home. Neither of us were happy with the situation. There were some perks though...he had some great time with DS and became 100% hands on which made my life easier too. He would text me info and photos which was good and I could text him to run errands or do things for me at home. The whole situation made me appreciate my job because we would have been in a very terrible situation had I not went back to work.

Would the elementary school job be through the summer or would you go back in September? If that's the case you could just play by ear and see what happens with the strike.

countrymama1221 · October 2014

I have to go back after 4 weeks. Luckily I live across from my job so I'm hoping my boss will be lenient on me going back and forth to breastfeed and just work a longer day. Fingers crossed. Gotta do what ya gotta do for your family!

CoozieInMyPurse · October 2014

At this point, I plan to take 12 weeks off and then return to work. DH and I bring home approximately the same amount, so one of us staying home would literally cut our income in half. We are lucky enough that daycare is relatively inexpensive here, even for a quality center. It's still a large expense, but only about 20% of my take home pay. I can't imagine giving up the rest of that income.

lisap0924 · October 2014

honkytonk_kid said:

I'm not going back, at least for the first year or so. I took 9 months "off" after P (really just a break between graduating and starting my first job. It was a good amount of time and I was happy SAH but it was also the right time for me to start working, financially and career-wise. This time I will have several years experience as an RN on my resume which is enough to find a job at almost any hospital around here even with a gap in employment.

Between now and August you have quite a bit of time. I would start living like you only have H's paycheck and saving what you make, or at least everything you make at your full time job. That way if he does end up on strike you have a cushion, and if he doesn't that saved money will make SAH all the easier.

great idea!!

lisap0924 · October 2014

copperrose said:

How easy is to get back into the schools? Around here it wouldn't be too difficult and if you couldn't there are usually other jobs in that field that come by easily (at a similar pay rate). Also, you will get a better sense of an impending strike the closer you get. Can you take off until the summer and then let them know in July or August. Obviously with enough time for them to hire someone if the strike doesn't look likely. Good luck! My Dad just retired from Verizon after 42 years and I know the fear of striking well.

I work as a 1:1 ABA assistant. Having an ABA background I could easily find a job as a home therapist as well.

I unfortunately don't get the summer off. the SPED department runs a summer program that us ABA's run.

my employer offers 8 weeks maternity leave, but I can take a leave of absence to be out longer.

I could go back in august. that would be good timing because it would be the beginning of the school year.

I think I have to see how it goes.

lisap0924 · October 2014

another thing I didn't even think about is, if I do go back to work and H strikes in August. its not like he will be home with the baby. he will be out picketing so I will still need childcare!

lisap0924 · October 2014

saucylittlemonkeygirl said:

another thing I didn't even think about is, if I do go back to work and H strikes in August. its not like he will be home with the baby. he will be out picketing so I will still need childcare!
Does your husband's union have a benevolent fund? If so, then he will get strike pay. It's not equal to wages but it could make a difference if/when you make a decision.

yes, I believe he gets something. he will also get unemployment. but that is not a sure thing. last time he went on strike (granted it was only 2 weeks) we didn't see the money for 6 months!

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