Feeling Depressed - Need to Vent

wannabeamother · October 2014

So I am supposed test this Friday and I'm just so down about it. This is my 2nd iui and sperm counts were normal and I had one mature follicle. But this evening I started having period like cramping and I just feel like I'm going to start in a couple days. This whole process is so hard and I'm just an emotional mess.
I currently work at a daycare and I just feel like I need to quit but I always figured that when I left I would be a stay at home mom doing daycare in my home. But as it turns out I can't get pregnant. I just had this whole idea of being a stay at home mom and watching my kids grow and then when they were all in school I'd go back to school for cosmetology. And it's like maybe I should just go back now but our insurance covers nothing for infertility treatments so it's all out of pocket upfront.
I just feel stuck in a rut.

Shauntee · October 2014

I sorry you are feeling this way. IF can be such a roller coaster. I wish you all of the luck in the world with your test. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.

yepitsme215 · October 2014

I'm sorry

it's such a difficult road, I know. I hope you feel better *hugs*

Here have some wine:

TTCBabyJ · October 2014

I'm sorry you feeling down. All of your feelings are completely valid. IF is an emotional roller coaster. Hang in there.....((hugs))

mmmKayy · October 2014

So sorry you are feeling so down. IF really messes with you... (((hugs)))

dancerspose · October 2014

((HUGS)) Sorry you're feeling down. Good luck with the test though.

wannabeamother · October 2014

Thank you all so much I appreciate all the HUGS so much! I'm ready for this week to be over! @yepitsme215‌ thanks for the wine that's exactly what I'm doing if I do get that BFN on Friday. GL to all you wonderful ladies and thanks for chiming in!

BunnyBerry · October 2014

I'm so sorry! It's terrible how IF makes our happy, hopeful dreams turn into sources of pain and disappointment.

PMS symptoms don't have any bearing on pregnancy - the only way a pregancy would be preventing them is if there's enough hCG to test positive already, and pregnancy symptoms themselves are often just like PMS! So I hope you do get that BFP on Friday.

It must be so hard to work with young children every day, but then feeling if you quit it is a totally different plan that you always had. Hoping you experience more peace and joy this week!

Ann612 · October 2014

I know what you mean - I often feel like I am in limbo, and waiting to be pregnant so I can put our plans in place. Sorry you are dealing with those feelings!

Smdolan · October 2014

Hugs! I can't imagine working with kids day in and day out, I had to stop volunteering in the nursery at church because it just got to be too much. And I don't know about you, but for me, somedays are fine and I'm so hopeful and positive that nothing bothers me, and then other days the pain is almost suffocating and just seeing a baby brings out the tears. Hopefully a good day is just around the corner for you!

emmuffy · October 2014

Sending you hugs. IF is unfair.

wannabeamother · October 2014

@Smdolan‌ yes that's exactly how it is for me some days I'm totally fine and other days I feel like I'm dying inside. Plus a brand new 6week old baby started this week and has the sweet amazing baby smell and Ahh the struggle is real. And then I have kids that don't have their parents they have their aunts or grandparents taking care of them and I'm just like how could you not want your kid.

Last night I literally started bawling the ugly cry because I saw a baby on TV lol I'm seriously going crazy!

mrskimmell · October 2014

So sorry, i could never think about working with kids you are a very strong person. Maybe consider going to school and going to work now? It may help keep your mind busy, don't stress your self out though only do what you can. Wish i could give you some advice, but all i can offer is internet hugs.

blessed2585 · October 2014

I am so sorry, I know how frustrating it is to feel like you aren't getting anywhere. I will keep you in my prayers, I hope there is good news! Sending lots of baby dust!

BandM14 · October 2014

So sorry you are feeling depressed... I totally understand, and you have every right to feel down. As others have said, I don't know if I could handle working with kids all day. I really, really hope that your test is positive on Friday! Sending you lots of hugs.

wannabeamother · October 2014

Well I took a test today and it was negative.

BandM14 · October 2014

So sorry to hear that, @wannabeamother‌ . Lots of hugs to you.

mshandlebar · October 2014

I am so sorry about that. Big hug and all the wine.

wannabeamother · October 2014

Thank you ladies! I'm gonna test again tomorrow. ..I'm so hoping that this test was wrong... if not we'll move onto round 3 of iui and hope and pray it works. Glad to have you all that understand what this feels like.

Hope1989 · October 2014

Good luck, I know it is hard to keep getting your hopes up each round..

I can sympathise with you about working with kids, I work as a teacher and although it is secondary students, at various times this year they were running a program at my school where the students simulate pregnancy. So whilst going through fertility treatment I had to teach a bunch of students wearing fake pregnancy bellies and then carrying crying fake babies around the school!

:-<

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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dogshowgirl · October 2014

I'm sorry hun. We are here to vent to. IF is rediclously frustrating. It all seems unfair. I don't know if this will help the situation or not, but think about how much you are helping your daycare kids to grow and excel in life! You are a crucial part of their lives right now. You are making a difference and you matter!

Hollowvic · October 2014

Sorry I know exactly how you feel. IF sucks, there's no other way to describe it. Feel better and I saw someone suggest wine, I second that suggestion

wannabeamother · October 2014

So def. not pregnant AF showed up yesterday...which I knew she was coming, felt cramping like I do every month and I also took 3 pregnancy tests... Stupid I know...should have stopped at the first negative. Guess I wanted to make sure before I had gone out this last weekend where I thought I was going to get my drink on. I just couldn't get into it. We were down at a bar and first all, it was just me with MH and all my friends' husbands, all my girlfriends (their wives) have babies to tend to or a pregnancy. They did all invite me over to hang out while the guys go out but I just couldn't handle being in another convo feeling like the odd one out. I just feel dead inside and like no one in my life (except you all) understand what I'm feeling and going through.

I go in tomorrow for my day 3 ultrasound and it'll be off to my 3rd IUI. And I must say that I have no faith in it working. I know I sound so negative and I know that there are others that are suffering with much more infertility issues than I am, but I'm just in a funk. Thank you all for putting up with my recent Negative Nancy self.

mshandlebar · October 2014

I am sorry too. None of this is easy. It doesn't matter how severe your IF issues are. When it doesn't work it sucks. It is so hard to be positive sometimes. Especially when you are surrounded by people who have what you want.

I am in the same boat, moving on to IUI #3 and pretty upset about it. I've been a Negative Nancy all day, and the world just has to deal with it! I hope you can find your way out of the funk soon. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

kristyn831 · October 2014

I'm sorry you're feeling down. You're allowed to have bad IF days. This journey can be so hard and draining. Do something nice for yourself!

stillpraying4ababy · October 2014

Im sorry that youre feeling so down. Try to stay positive (i know its easier said than done and you prob dont want to hear that advice anymore). Im kinda in your same boat and am pretty confused. so staying positive is what im trying to do. Good Luck and i hope those cramps are just nerves or something unrelated and that you get a BFP soon.

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