Bi-Weekly Wine and Cheese Party

buggirl72 · October 2014

It's that time again. This is our bi-weekly check in. Feel free to let us know how life is; you can b!tch, you can moan, you can brag, you can cry, whatever you want. Enjoy!

In honor of Oktoberfest, I thought we could do some beer:

brauts:

giant pretzels:

Maybe some more beer:

and some German chocolate cake for the chocolate lovers out there:

buggirl72 · October 2014

My update - My doctor is continuing to monitor me after the summer of "abnormal" bleeding. My CD3 blood work indicated that I should not be ovulating any more and the doctor is concerned that I am still having what appears to be regular cycles. He wants me to continue to track my bleeding and, unless it increases in frequency, I have a followup in January for another u/s to check what is going on with my fibroids and my cyst. He discussed either doing another endometrial biopsy at that point or doing either a hysterscopy and/or D&C.

On the non-TTCAL side of things, we hung up curtains in our bedroom! I'm so excited! I realized that we have been moving so often that even though we bought this house it still did not feel like ours. Pulling down the blinds and putting up curtains has made it feel so much more like our home. Slowly, we will get the rest of the windows in the house done. I also have almost everything cleared out of the spare room so I'll be able to paint in there. The previous owner painted it a deep, dark, merlot color. I'm going to bring it down to a soft grey. We also need to start on the kitchen cabinets. That may be this weekend and should be a pretty quick project.

BookishMomma · October 2014

Hi Bug! I'm sorry you and your doc still don't have answers as to what's going on. I'm glad you're making progress on house stuff, though! I love picking out things for the house, but when you have to do a bunch of it at once, it can be overwhelming. I'd love to see before and after pics of your cabinet project if you're willing to share.

As for me, I'm chugging along in my first 2ww since March, before my last loss. Time is crawling by, of course, but I've got a lot of book events in the next couple of weeks, so hopefully that will distract me.

Those soft pretzels in the picture are calling my name...

buggirl72 · October 2014

@BookishMomma - yay for a 2WW! I would like stalking your chart much more if you have more information. I'm fine with no temps but what is your cervix up to! More info!

I will definitely share pictures. I'm already kicking myself because we did not take any true before pictures when the old appliances were in there. Darn it!

BookishMomma · October 2014

buggirl72 said:

I would like stalking your chart much more if you have more information. I'm fine with no temps but what is your cervix up to! More info!

"What is your cervix up to?" Ha ha, chalk that question up to questions only friends from TB can ask! I have been figuring out how to check my cervix the last couple of cycles, so I'll see what's going on up there and update my chart accordingly.

I'm on progesterone, so any other symptoms I have (sore breasts, etc.) are pretty ambiguous, and my CM is wacky because of the progesterone gel, too. So not much help there.

edit: typo

megrae12 · October 2014

@buggirl72 I hate that your body is being wacko. It needs to get its shit together already!! Yay for curtains, though!! I know how you feel about it being like a home when you get them up. We have lived in our house 7 years and we still haven't (read H hasn't) put the baseboards, window boarders, or crown molding. One we will have a completed home, lol. I hope to see some pics of your new house!!

@BookishMomma 2WW!!! Yay! I loved the what's your cervix up to comment, @buggirl72! When do you go in for betas or does your RE do that? Hopefully the book stuff will keep you occupied and time will fly by.

AFM: On a TTC front, just finished my Clomid a few days ago. I go in for my first monitoring appointment Thursday. Hopefully I can trigger this weekend.

On the MIL front, things are CRAZY!! I know y'all have heard me say how crazy she is, I really do not lie about it. She is rocking after this surgery, which is awesome! We are all pleasantly surprised. However, her sister is leaving on us on Thursday, which means H and I are stuck with her. I dunno how that is going to work, b/c we both have to work. We have no idea about anything and to be honest she is driving me mad!! Saturday night MIL and her sister were talking about babies and what they want the next one to be named. Well, they used our baby's name (we never talked to them about it) and I lost it. I had to leave the room and ended up in the bathroom crying like a mad woman. It's the first breakdown I have had a in a while dealing with triggers, but that was to much. H told them I was upset and when I came back in, nothing was said. No apology, nothing. WTF? Instead, MIL informs me that if we ever get KU she has the name picked out. Seriously?! I want to crawl in a blanket fort and hide until the world gets better or at least until she is out of my house!!!!

I am sorry for the crazy vent and my irritation, she just makes me crazy! Thanks for reading the book this turned into.

BookishMomma · October 2014

@Megrae12, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much on top of TTC stuff. I would have lost it, too. Clomid + MIL staying with you?? You should get credit for not yelling at your MIL and her sister.

megrae12 said:

When do you go in for betas or does your RE do that? Hopefully the book stuff will keep you occupied and time will fly by.

@megrae12 Since this was a natural cycle, I'm not under supervision of my RE for this cycle. If I get a +HPT, then I'll call my RE's office and he'll schedule betas & monitoring. If I get that lucky.

OK, true confession time. I am usually embarrassed to make my test data public on FF because I am an early POASer and I am ashamed of it. But I just made it public, so now you can all stalk me and see that I POASed this morning with my one test that I had left over from months ago. I was hoping for a squinter, but of course it was a BFN because, duh, I'm only 7dpo. *Hangs head in shame*

megrae12 · October 2014

@BookishMomma I love the E-card!!! It's awesome!! Also, your early testing methods made me LOL. I

you for it. I am keeping my FX for you this cycle, but maybe wait til 12dpo to test again?

MyFirstRaspberry · October 2014

@HoldingOutHope - Wow that is a lot to take in. I am surprised the previous RE neglected some testing but I am glad you will have an opportunity for those tests now. Have you and YH discussed IVF? Is that an option for you?

@megrae12 - ((hugs)) for the baby talk. I would have done the exact same thing. I'm such a bitch that my family and close friends know not to bring up any baby talk when I'm around. I feel guilty about that but on the other hand, I need to stay sane.

@BookishMomma - GL in the 2ww. I hope you don't have to move on to medicated cycles.

@buggirl72 - It amazes me how little changes in your home make a huge difference. We have been in our home for 2 years and I am still working on making it "ours". Congrats on the curtains!

AFM, my first medicated cycle was a bust. I'm on round 2 with the same protocol. Trying to stay positive.

megrae12 · October 2014

@HoldingOutHope Lots of ((Hugs)) love. I know that was a hard pill to swallow even if you knew it was coming. I do not know what to tell you to make you feel better but I know that you need to do what will make you and YH happy. Will y'all consider IVF?

@MyFirstRaspberry I am glad I am not the only one who has a freak out when that shit happens. I have my FX for you this cycle, how is it treating you so far?

PinkCamino · October 2014

@buggirl72 FX for good results. I know we haven't spoken lately but I think of you often. I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for you. Also, yay for getting things sorted on the home front! Small things like curtains and wall colors are what I find make things feel homey. Before and after pictures of your kitchen cabinets?

@BookishMomma: FX for you this cycle. I hope the next few days are kind to you! 2ww are the worst, especially the first one after being on the bench for a long time. For me, the anticipation was so so overwhelming. Sending you so much love.

@megrae12 ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so so sorry. MIL and SILS can be so horrible (I have a pretty epic set myself) and those types of triggers are just so so difficult. I hate that they didn't have the compassion to apologize to you. If you ever want to talk about the situation feel free to PM we can commiserate about our inlaws together.

@HoldingOutHope (((hugs))) Fuck, I know that we never want to find a problem but sometimes finding a reason is what we need for our own sanity. I'm so sorry that your appointment went the way it did. Out of curiosity, have you ever had your UTE looked at?

@MyFirstRaspberry (((hugs)))) I'm so sorry.

----

AFM, nothing much on the TTCAL front. I think I'm in my 2ww - maybe 5dpo. My cycle has been pretty wonky. My temps are up and down and at CD18 I still haven't confirmed O which is a little out of the norm for me since I usually O somewhere around cd13.

I've been dealing with some family drama this weekend. My post on TTCAL summarized it well and now that the initial shock of the situation has worn off I'm getting really anxious. DH and I have been struggling, primarily because of them. He has such a hard time advocating for us and enforcing the boundaries. Often, I feel like he allows them to mistreat me and doesn't do anything about it. I know that he wants to avoid stirring up more drama with people who wont ever understand that their behavior is toxic but sometimes it would feel really nice to know that he's more vocal about it for my sake kwim? Now, I'm worried. Worried about what the next 7 months are going to be like. My MIL is pretty demanding and she's going to expect so much from me with regards to SILs pregnancy and honestly unless I get a BFP I doubt I'll be okay with any of it. It's not fair to my SIL but it is what it is. I just can't handle her and her pregnancy right now and I don't have it in me to pretend to be overjoyed because honestly I'm just so defeated with my own situation. We're not sure what to do about it - DH isn't sure if he should establish the boundaries now or just wait until it comes up. It's just a huge mess.

megrae12 · October 2014

@PinkCamino (((((((Hugs))))))) back to you. I am so sorry for all the shit you are putting up with from your in laws. It's ridiculous how they think sometimes. I am here if you need anything, especially in law bashing. I hope y'all can figure this situation out, but speaking from my own experience, it will be hard.

Rachaeleigh · October 2014

Hi ladies. I don't think I've checked in for awhile. I've just been so lazy with the checkins. Lately, I just don't have it in me to participate or really care.
I realize that may sound harsh and honestly I'm not feeling that way about life in general. I guess I just feel so busy in real life that The Bump is feeling like more of a struggle to participate in. Not sure if that makes sense

Today, I'm 6dpo on our 4th iui, first with letrozole. Tomorrow, I go for a progesterone check

@buggirl72‌ yay for curtains! Sorry about your ongoing struggles with your cycle. I'm sure that's frustrating. I'll check out my cervix, if you want lol

@BookishMomma‌ fx for you

@megrae12‌ GL at your monitoring appt!

@HoldingOutHope‌ I'm glad that she didn't blow smoke up your ass either, but so many ((((hugs))))

@MyFirstRaspberry‌ sorry about the bfn :-(

@PinkCamino‌ fuck. That family stuff just must be so frustrating. Ive never dealt with family pregnancies, but have felt much of the same stuff with a certain friend

PinkCamino · October 2014

@HoldingOutHope Maybe? I know that my septum was broad and essentially covered the top of my UTE. It was not visualized on U/S during my first pregnancy which really left me scratching my head when during my second loss the tech mentioned I had a heart shaped uterus. At the time they strongly believed I was dealing with a bicornuate. I then started working with a surgeon who told me that I needed to have a SIS and MRI done. The SIS was inconclusive with regards to my uterus shape. Essentially the doctor who did the SIS (not my doc) said that my uterus shape looked okay and that they couldn't see a septum of any kind. I had scarring from the D&C which she was able to see almost immediately but I left there thinking that my Uterus was otherwise normal. The MRI was the game changer and I'm grateful my doctor insisted I have it done; it showed a clear broad shallow septum that was missed by all the other tests. I've never had a HSG done because I was told it wasn't the right test to check for uterine abnormalities but rather looked for blockages in the tubes. I'm not sure what you're insurance situation is or whether it's even possible but I think I'd push for an MRI to get a definitive answer.

BookishMomma · October 2014

PinkCamino said:

The SIS was inconclusive with regards to my uterus shape. Essentially the doctor who did the SIS (not my doc) said that my uterus shape looked okay and that they couldn't see a septum of any kind. I had scarring from the D&C which she was able to see almost immediately but I left there thinking that my Uterus was otherwise normal. The MRI was the game changer and I'm grateful my doctor insisted I have it done; it showed a clear broad shallow septum that was missed by all the other tests.

Holy shit. I knew about the septum, @pinkcamino, but I didn't know that it wasn't detectable on anything but MRI. This just makes me realize even more how important it is to be our own advocates. I swear half the reason I still hang out on the regular TTCAL board (besides all of you awesome ladies) is to help women find that voice for themselves when they are getting brushed off by PCPs, OBs, and even REs.

@myfirstraspberry I'm so sorry this cycle was a bust. ((Hugs))

@Rachaeleigh I hope you get good news tomorrow at your progesterone check. Will you find out the results the same day?

@HoldingOutHope I'm sorry you still don't have answers and that you're not feeling the sort of hope that your SN suggests. We're here for you whether you're feeling ragey or hopeful or anything in between.

edit: clarity

PinkCamino · October 2014

BookishMomma said:

PinkCamino said:

The SIS was inconclusive with regards to my uterus shape. Essentially the doctor who did the SIS (not my doc) said that my uterus shape looked okay and that they couldn't see a septum of any kind. I had scarring from the D&C which she was able to see almost immediately but I left there thinking that my Uterus was otherwise normal. The MRI was the game changer and I'm grateful my doctor insisted I have it done; it showed a clear broad shallow septum that was missed by all the other tests.
Holy shit. I knew about the septum, @pinkcamino, but I didn't know that it wasn't detectable on anything but MRI. This just makes me realize even more how important it is to be our own advocates. I swear half the reason I still hang out on the regular TTCAL board (besides all of you awesome ladies) is to help women find that voice for themselves when they are getting brushed off by PCPs, OBs, and even REs.

@myfirstraspberry I'm so sorry this cycle was a bust. ((Hugs))

@Rachaeleigh I hope you get good news tomorrow at your progesterone check. Will you find out the results the same day?

@HoldingOutHope I'm sorry you still don't have answers and that you're not feeling the sort of hope that your SN suggests. We're here for you whether you're feeling ragey or hopeful or anything in between.

edit: clarity

In my case it wasn't detectable on the SIS. I know @KMW08 essentially has the opposite story. Hers was visible on a SIS but not on an MRI. I guess based on my experience I'm an advocate for doing ALL the testing especially when no reason can be found.

buggirl72 · October 2014

@megrae12 - So many big ((((hugs)))). I'm sorry you are stuck with your MIL and that she is BSC. It's a good thing you are doing in taking care of her and I hope the next few weeks go by quickly.

@BookishMomma - no shame in testing at 7dpo. It's why wondfos were made

@HoldingOutHope - I'm so sorry ((((hugs)))). Fuck the detox and drink the wine. I'm glad she is testing more things to rule them out. She is an RPL expert so it sounds like she is making sure all bases are covered. As far as IVF with PGS - there is always the possibility that based on your age you do have poorer quality eggs and PGS would take care of sorting those ones out. It just all sucks.

@MyFirstRaspberry - (((Hugs))) Staying positive is so hard. FX for you on this cycle.

@PinkCamino - Love and miss you ((((hugs)))). Remember that you cannot change your H. It is frustrating that if feels like he is not advocating for you but remember that he is on your side. Figure out how to keep the lines of communication open between you and him and make sure he knows how you feel but do it in a way that is not forcing him into a confrontation with his family that he is not ready for. I do think you need to establish boundaries with MIL and SIL now and not later but is there someone else besides your H that can assist in this communication?

@Rachaeleigh - I get it. I really do. I stepped back from all of my check-ins because everything started feeling like a job, and one that I just did not have the energy to do. Ugh. So, how is your cervix

BookishMomma · October 2014

@ktloveless you are KILLING me with those puppy pictures. Could they be any cuter?? I am excited for you and your H to get your puppy. It will be a good break from the stress of TTC (and talking or not talking about it... both are stressful).

buggirl72 · October 2014

@ktlovess - congrats on the puppy and what a great name! As far as not being able to talk about next steps, maybe just tell your husband that you are not ready to visit the topic yet. That way he knows what you are thinking right now and you don't feel like you are just not talking to him about this at all.

skategirl128 · October 2014

Big hugs everyone!

@buggirl72‌ yay for making your house your own. Pics please

I'm sorry you're still dealing with your cycles and no clear answers.

@megrae12‌ good luck with your mil. I'm sorry you had to deal with such craziness! I hope it gets better.

@PinkCamino‌ I'm sorry your mil and SIL are so tough. Deal with them on your terms. I hope you're doing ok- don't let them dictate how or what your feeling.

@HoldingOutHope‌ I'm so sorry love! This totally sucks

it's good they are being thorough with the testing though. Big hugs!

@Rachaeleigh‌ take the time you need! The bump can be a tough place sometimes!

@ktlovess‌ love the puppies!

@BookishMomma‌ good luck in your tww!

@MyFirstRaspberry‌ I'm sorry your first medicated cycle didn't work. Big hugs!

I hope I didn't forget anyone! It's hard because I'm mobile today

Rachaeleigh · October 2014

@buggirl72‌ , not much to report with my cervix. It was hiding today, guess it didn't want to come out and play

)

megrae12 · October 2014

@Rachaeleigh I understand how you feel about TB, I am right there with you. I feel like the main board is not the place where "belong", but I love the ladies so I am there.

@ktlovess I am totally in love with those puppies. That name has to be the most perfect name ever!!! About the TTC stuff, I think just saying to H that you are thinking about it but not ready to make a decision is smart. It lets him know you haven't forgotten about that part of your lives, but you need some more time. I am really happy to hear that your fellowship is going well. Dr. KT, it has such a lovely ring to it

megrae12 · October 2014

((Hugs)) @ktlovess. I am glad you were able to come out with how you are feeling. I know how hard that is. Now everything is out there and y'all can revisit it when you both are able. H told me the same thing about TTC. He said that if we have another loss, he is not sure he will be able to continue. It's scary to think about b/c it seems so...final. Just know I have lots of ((Hugs)) for you and I am here if you need anything. Even a sounding board.

MyFirstRaspberry · October 2014

@ktlovess ((hugs)) It amazes me the lack of communication I can have with the person who is closest to me. I am proud of you for bringing up TTC and discussing your feelings with YH. You opened the door for the discussion to start. It doesn't have to end today.

Those puppies are so stinkin' adorable I can barely contain myself!

luciddreamer106 · October 2014

@buggirl72 I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to find any answers. I, too, love how curtains give the place a homier feel.

@bookishmomma I hope you have a great time at the book events and everything goes smoothly.

@megrae12 I hope your monitoring appointment went well today and that you’re ready to trigger soon. I’m sorry that your MIL is driving you crazy and being insensitive. ((hugs)) I would have reacted the same way.

@holdingouthope I’m glad that your new RE is being honest with you, but I’m sorry you didn’t get good news. ((hugs))

@myfirstraspberry ((hugs)) Sending positive vibes your way for a better outcome this cycle.

@pinkcamino I’m sorry that you’re dealing with family drama. I was in a very similar situation last year and it sucked. My IL’s didn’t get it and I’m pretty sure my SIL she still holds a grudge against me for not being supportive enough for her. ((hugs))

@rachaeleigh FX for you!

@ktlovess Awww! Such sweet puppies! A new puppy will be a great distraction. I’m glad you had that talk with YH. I hope it lifted a weight off your shoulders, even though it wasn’t the outcome you were hoping for.

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