How would y'all handle this?

MrsMCBMar2014 · October 2014

Just yesterday, DH, DS, and I stopped over MIL's house for a brief visit (so I could use their bathroom) after a trip to Lowes. While there, MIL, SIL, and I were talking about the baby. MIL mentioned that she was thinking about taking some time off in January to come hang out with me while I'm out on maternity leave, waiting for baby to come. She continued to say she could help me clean, do laundry, set up the babies room, etc. SIL chimed in and said that MIL spent 2 weeks with her while she was on maternity leave. I understand why MIL spent the time with SIL - she has epilepsy and the pregnancy hormones were causing her to have seizures every once in a while, even though she was taking meds to control them. With SIL it was better to be safe then sorry. However, I am perfectly healthy with no serious health issues or pregnancy complications that warrant MIL essentially 'baby sitting' me for however long she plans to take off.

While I'd appreciate the extra set of hands for cleaning, laundry, etc., I don't see if completely necessary to have someone with me every single day. My own mother, who is a 'retired' (retired as in she resigned to pursue her passion by opening a sewing shop) LDRP nurse of 30+ years, has said that she will only come hang out with me if I want the company or need her to take me to the hospital. My SMIL (DH's father remarried after divorcing MIL) has said that she will only come hang out with me if/when I want the company. SMIL has also offered the use of her house in case of forecasted 'bad' weather (i.e. snow/ice) while she and FIL are at work as they live 10 minutes from my hospital and DH's job. That way, if I do go into labor during the week, with 'bad' weather, DH won't have to travel far to get me and we'd only be 10 minutes from the hospital vs 40+ minutes. Not to mention SMIL said that if I am at her house because of bad weather, she may just join me to get 'girl time' in with me before the baby is born. (Her daughter lives in Tennessee so she only sees her a few times a year).

I spoke with DH about this and he said that while we have time to figure it all out, it's good to have some kind of game plan drafted as a 'just in case' measure. He says it would be ok with him, if it's ok with me, to have MIL come hang out with me from time to time. He does agree that her spending 2 weeks with me would be unnecessary, but he did say he'd feel better knowing that I am with someone just in case. He's not expecting me to have visitors every day and he is fully aware I'd feel more comfortable having my mom with me should I start laboring at home as she's got the medical background, etc. He knows I'm 'uncomfortable' having MIL around for too long with out him present (she rubs me the wrong way - it's hard to explain) and said he understands that I'll call my mom (even with MIL there) if I go into labor at home. To top it all off he said that if my due date comes and baby doesn't, he'll want me to hang out at my FIL & SMIL's house (ONLY IF there is 'bad' weather), or at my mom's or have his mom or my mom come here until I do go into labor. I understand that and said I agree with him if I am over due. I have already kind of thought of that and wouldn't have a problem with someone with me daily AFTER my due date, for a safety measure if I go into labor so someone can help get me to the hospital etc.

What would y'all do? How would y'all handle it?

ETA: TLDR: MIL wants to spend time with me before baby is born - essentially baby sitting. What would you do?

britb618 · October 2014

I would kindly state that while you appreciate it, and she is certainly welcome to come hang out for a few hours, it isn't necessary to come stay with you. I would just say I am really looking forward to a little me time before the baby arrives since after then you essentially have no alone time whatsoever. Hopefully she takes the hint, if not I guess you'll have to be direct and say thanks but no thanks.

misslizzy82 · October 2014

Same as above, just let her know, thanks but I was looking forward to some alone time.

MrsMCBMar2014 · October 2014

irishgrover said:

This was a little TLDR for me but I'll answer the MIL part. It sounds like she doesn't live very far from you if you were able to stop by after errands. I don't think it's necessary for her to stay with you if she's that close. I also don't see a need for her to be there for the weeks leading up to the baby's arrival. However, I think it would be great to have her help once the baby is here. If I were you I'd accept her offer to help out after the baby is here, but under the conditions that she call you, or you call her to see if she's needed.

MIL lives 50 minutes north of us - we were only able to visit because we were in the area picking up stuff that was only available at the lowes by her (stock issue or something??). My mom lives 20 minutes south of us - which is significantly closer.

I'm sorry for the LONG post.

luciddreamer106 · October 2014

I would say thanks for the offer, but it 's unnecessary. Maybe have her come over for a day to hang out.

4littlebears · October 2014

I would say maybe she could come like once a week if she really wants to; but that while you understand your SIL had special circumstances, you are doing really well and feel able to manage the last few things before baby gets here. I think SMIL's offer is really nice, we live in an area of bad weather and if we weren't so close to the hospital I'd really appreciate that. And I'm only assuming this is your first, but with my first I really wanted my mom with me. She had to drive 3 hours to get to me to be there when I was in labor with my first. She's a doctor and I felt SO much better having her with me.

Maebb · October 2014

I would just let her know that you really appreciate the offer, and you may take her up on having her come over and help some, but you won't need her to stay with you.

My mom came a bit before DS was born (like for 2-3 hours in the afternoon) to help with laundry, organizing the nursery and pantry, and that kind of thing, and that was nice. She also came for a few afternoons once DS was born. That was enough help for me. I am like you and really valued my alone time and just wanted to either rest or spend quiet time with the baby once he was born.

MrsMCBMar2014 · October 2014

4littlebears said:
I would say maybe she could come like once a week if she really wants to; but that while you understand your SIL had special circumstances, you are doing really well and feel able to manage the last few things before baby gets here. I think SMIL's offer is really nice, we live in an area of bad weather and if we weren't so close to the hospital I'd really appreciate that. And I'm only assuming this is your first, but with my first I really wanted my mom with me. She had to drive 3 hours to get to me to be there when I was in labor with my first. She's a doctor and I felt SO much better having her with me.

This is my 2nd baby. My first is 13 years old. I'm going to guess you were mobile and didn't see my siggy.

LadyXaverian · October 2014

I would just keep it simple and say something like, "Thank you so much for the offer. I don't see it being necessary, but if so, we will let you know."

emilyp2013 · October 2014

I'd simply actively include her in my planning. "I appreciate your support and it means a lot to me, but I probably won't need too much help before baby arrives. I have XYZ tasks to do, but you may be able to help without significant time off. In case of bad weather, here's what we'd like to see, what do you think about these plans?" This is what I do with my mom and MIL in almost all events that they want involved in. I lay out the plans and thoughts and welcome their feedback, even if I don't really intend to change my mind it helps them feel welcomed and included that I talk about it with them and they usually end up seeing where I'm coming from when it's posed as a dialogue. Sometimes they even have some better ideas up their sleeves that I hadn't considered before. :-)

4littlebears · October 2014

MrsMCBMar2014 said:

I would say maybe she could come like once a week if she really wants to; but that while you understand your SIL had special circumstances, you are doing really well and feel able to manage the last few things before baby gets here. I think SMIL's offer is really nice, we live in an area of bad weather and if we weren't so close to the hospital I'd really appreciate that. And I'm only assuming this is your first, but with my first I really wanted my mom with me. She had to drive 3 hours to get to me to be there when I was in labor with my first. She's a doctor and I felt SO much better having her with me.
This is my 2nd baby. My first is 13 years old. I'm going to guess you were mobile and didn't see my siggy.

Oh sure! Still, you don't need any added stress before baby come. I hope you can find a compromise with her!

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