A sunday discussion?

jhjocelyn · October 2014

I was going to post on the in-laws thread, but it got long. I'm bored tonight and should be available so it shouldn't be a post and run.

Disclaimer, this discusses religion and issues with Catholic vs Protestant beliefs.

GMIL just sent us a packet all about a nun who is one miracle short of sainthood. GMIL met the recipient(?) of the woman's first miracle, he was healed from losing his sight as a boy by carrying around her picture and a lock of her hair. GMIL kissed his relic and immediately thought of dd. So she is now determined that the nun's second miracle will be curing dd's cf...
Dh and I are not Catholic but are protestant Christians. I don't believe there is a point to praying to anyone besides Jesus himself. And I trust him enough to not dwell on my daughter's illness needing a cure. She has cf for a reason, He designed her perfectly according to His will. If a cure is part of the plan, FANTASTIC! But, if not, that's okay too.
All that being said, I realize this may become flameworthy... It's been quiet right?

So all in all GMIL's new mission doesn't sit well with me, she likes to throw out little digs about us not being Catholic and how she raised all her children up in the Catholic church. Still, I'm not going to bother saying anything more than "thanks for thinking of dd". I'm not really sure if there is anything else to say really. She lives far away so we don't see her.
Thoughts?

jhjocelyn · October 2014

We had a family reunion/vacation this spring, where she met dd. She also sends packages and notes often.
Honestly, it's probably not digs, just awkwardness. I don't think she knows what to think of us ( dh's dad converted and raised his kids protestant). I tend to be too sensitive as in my family, leaving the Catholic church created a lot of family drama.

aeh8810 · October 2014

I am Catholic. The way I had it explained to me was that we aren't actually praying to the Saints but asking the Saints to pray to God for us. It could be compared to asking someone alive to keep you in their prayers, but instead the person is (theoretically) in Heaven.
You love your daughter the way she is, as any mother should. You believe her CF is part of God's plan. Your GMIL may not be as trusting as you are. She may see it as something scary and turns to faith for comfort. While obviously she is your daughter and you are dealing with all of the troubles and scary things associated with CF first hand, your GMIL can be scared for her great-granddaughter. If she thinks that praying to this person will help your daughter, she is doing it with good intention. She is doing it out of love.
As for the rude comments about you not being Catholic, I am no help there. My husband's family is Lutheran and I get comments from his uncle about how my son is the only great-grandchild who isn't Lutheran and that the Catholic teachings are wrong. I just tell him that I am fine believing differently than him and leave it at that. I do not like to argue about my faith.

Pinknights · October 2014

I don't think there is really anything to say besides what you've said, since you don't see her much. But I know the feeling of wanting to say more though! For the record I'm Protestant Christian.

Not to high jack your thread but it bothers me when family members do this!! I have an aunt who married and converted to Mormonism. She's always sending me movies or videos about how great it is to be Mormon. I want to tell her lady is just not going to happen stop. I have no problem with it, but stop trying to convert me.

jhjocelyn · October 2014

@aeh8810‌ thanks, that is mostly how I have understood the concept of praying to saints. I'm just not sure there is much for biblical evidence of believers in heaven hearing us. There is plenty of evidence supporting the power of prayer, but it is always directed to God himself.

@esd The two faiths are very similar and really can vary based on the actual local church you are in. I have actually studied the differences(a long time ago). I think the most general and simple difference is that in Catholicism the Pope represents Christ on earth and has the power to save, there is a strong emphasis on earning one's place in heaven. Whereas in Protestant fairh, we believe there is no representative needed, we can pray and connect with Christ himself, based on our faith and His grace. We don't need to earn anything, but we chose to live in such a way that reflects our beliefs, and gratitude.
Does that make sense? I'm mobile so forgive the typos I'm sure I missed.

@Pinknights‌ I understand! My grandmother(Catholic) was convinced we were in a cult and wouldn't let us in her house for a while!

Rebis58 · October 2014

I have a few questions just because I'm trying to understand your point of view/feelings on this. Excuse any ignorance as I am not religious so may be asking stupid questions or thinking of things in a different way.

1. Regarding the nun, is GMIL wanting your LO to somehow meet/talk to this nun or have LO wear/carry/touch something that she thinks will cure the cf? Or does she just think that by praying about it the cf will be cured? If it's the latter, I'd say something along the lines of "thank you for thinking of us" and let it go. If it's the former and she is pushing for you to meet the nun or wear/touch/do something that does not fit with what you beliefs, then depending on how strongly you feel it might be worth refusing her request or asking her to back off.

2. Regarding the digs, is this something she does every time she has contact with you? Is it a passing remark that you can live with? Is it based in concern/love or judgment/disapproval? (As a trivial example, I don't mind someone saying "You'll be in my prayers", even if they know I am not religious, because I take it the same way I would if someone said "You'll be in my thoughts". However, it would not sit well with me if someone said "I'll pray for you", in a certain tone implying judgment)

3. Is it an ongoing argument that makes you not want to see her? If it is affecting how you feel about seeing her I would say something non-confrontational to her. Something along the lines of "GMIL, I know how important your faith is to you. Please understand that I am equally passionate about my own faith. H and I have chosen to be a part of this church and will be raising our children within the church. I hope you can respect that, in the same way that I respect the choice you made in your faith." I probably wouldn't bother having this conversation unless her comments really bothered me, though, or if I was worried about how it might make my child(ren) feel as they begin to learn about their spirituality and make sense of their own beliefs.

jhjocelyn · October 2014

@Rebis58‌
So far, she hasn't asked us to do anything other than join her in praying to the nun, and inform us that she is asking everyone else she knows to as well. She did send a little card(like a baseball card?) with a picture of the woman and her information on it. No piece of hair or other relic though(that would have certainly made it much more weird!).

After my first post I though back thru the times I had felt like she was making digs, and have realized it was probably more my own sensitivity rather than her intentions to be pushy. Dh has never felt offended, his family has peacefully gotten along in spite of the differences of opinions. My family, had lots of drama when we left the catholic faith and so I tend to cringe at anything that reminds me of it.

The only reason we don't see her more is that she HATES Maine, and New Jersey is a long road trip with a baby. We go to famy events, but would rather spend our vacations elsewhere.

Does that help?

Regardless of the faith differences, as a parent, its hard to hear someone wanting to "cure" your child from something that doesn't have a cure yet. I think that is part of what doesn't sit well. It's an awkward test of faith- if it doesn't work, was it my fault for not believing it could?

Rebis58 · October 2014

JGjocelyn said:

@Rebis58‌ So far, she hasn't asked us to do anything other than join her in praying to the nun, and inform us that she is asking everyone else she knows to as well. She did send a little card(like a baseball card?) with a picture of the woman and her information on it. No piece of hair or other relic though(that would have certainly made it much more weird!). After my first post I though back thru the times I had felt like she was making digs, and have realized it was probably more my own sensitivity rather than her intentions to be pushy. Dh has never felt offended, his family has peacefully gotten along in spite of the differences of opinions. My family, had lots of drama when we left the catholic faith and so I tend to cringe at anything that reminds me of it. The only reason we don't see her more is that she HATES Maine, and New Jersey is a long road trip with a baby. We go to famy events, but would rather spend our vacations elsewhere. Does that help? Regardless of the faith differences, as a parent, its hard to hear someone wanting to "cure" your child from something that doesn't have a cure yet. I think that is part of what doesn't sit well. It's an awkward test of faith- if it doesn't work, was it my fault for not believing it could?

@JGjocelyn

That all makes sense. I think faith can be a really tricky and sensitive topic. I remember my sister used to date a guy whose family was Catholic, and his father used to give her a hard time for not being baptized. Seems like a small thing, but it really upset her because she was trying to figure out her own faith at the time and felt sensitive about it.

I also wasn't really thinking of how sensitive you might be feeling about the cure - of course you wish there was a cure for you LO, and having someone go on and on about a potential miracle cure must be really difficult to hear.

Thank you for answering my questions and explaining things that I didn't really understand - I can definitely see your side and why this is bothering you, I'm sure it would bother me too. I hope things get better with GMIL and that you find a way to either stop the comments or ignore them, as difficult as that may be.

A sunday discussion?

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