Saying bye when leaving family's house
polooo27
member
Ok guys, this is a bit of a what would you do how would you feel topic.
Here's the setup. We're at my parent's house with my sister, her husband, my grandma, and obviously my parents.
My son (3yo) is being good and is giving us no problems about leaving, I have a car-seat in both hands and both girls are being good. So now we just have to say bye.
We remind or son to say bye to everyone and my mom sort of takes over telling him who to say bye to. It was really annoying because that's our job and we were doing it. He was listening so all she really needed to do was wait for him to say bye to her and not get involved.
The thing that got to me was she also told me she say bye to my grandma. She didn't even try to be discrete so everyone heard her say it. It made me feel really awkward and embarrassed. Normally after our son has said his bye's we'll just say bye to everyone at once while leaving. I didn't know what to do so I just said see ya to her. It felt really weird being told to tell someone bye as an adult in the same fashion she was telling our son to say bye.
She did other annoying things while we were there and this was the icing on the cake. Even after sleeping on it it's still bugging me.
Re: Saying bye when leaving family's house
@TJ - Thanks for the reply. The evening started with me sitting down with one of the girls. First time I had got to hold her all day and she was being really good. I had only sat for 5 seconds and my mom comes around reaches out her arms for her. I didn't do anything because I still wanted to hold her so then she went in for the grab. Now I'm just sitting there feeling stupid. She held her for like 10 seconds and then gave her to my grandma so she could hold her. I hated that. Not that she gave her to my grandma, but that she acted like she was hers to give to whoever she wanted.
Then at dinner time my mom was holding her and I asked for her back. My mom told me, "I'll start out with her and then we'll pass her around so everyone has a chance to eat." I had no idea what to say. She was acting like she was in charge of my children. Then during the course of dinner my mom wasn't holding her well enough and not paying attention. My baby bonked her head on the table as a result. I tried to get her back again to comfort her, but mom wouldn't let me take here. It was frustrating.
Oh, and before dinner started, mom had the great idea of trying to put them in their car seats so we could eat. That quickly did not happen because the babies had no part in that. I just felt like my mom was trying to control everything and not letting us parent our children.
There was also an annoying conversation about diapers and milk in there, but those weren't big deals.
So yeah, it was annoying, but I don't think it's anything worth talking about so I'll just gripe here. Next time, however, I plan on being a little more authoritative if there's taking without asking.
Sorry to hear about your grandma. I had plans to say goodbye, but I was still focused on the girls and my son saying goodbye. After he was done I was going to worry about myself. I felt bad for my son because he doesn't need more than one person to tell him who to say bye to. We tell him to say goodbye. He starts, and if he forgets someone we'll say don't forget about so and so. My mom was just confusing him by also giving him instructions. Which put me in the spot to watch him a little closer if he needed help, and at that point my mom starts on me telling me to say bye to my grandma. It was just too much.
Oh, and the only time I feel my mom really talks to my son is to tell him what to do. He'll talk to her and stuff if she asks him a question and is pretty easy going about it, but he never seeks her out when he wants attention.
I too am sorry for your loss!!
@Polooo27
That seems like a VERY frustrating day. That sucks!
I have seen my sister block folks (including my mother) in the nicest, "down home", "sorry you're doing this my way" kind of voice. Its truly amazing to watch. I try the same voice, but I generally come across much more gruff. shrug...it is what it is.
If I were in your situation, I might have been blunt/loud with my mom when the baby go whacked. I'm not saying that would have fixed the situation...just I don't always have that much patience for my mom's shenanigans.
My mom usually treats me like a kid and lectures me only when my kids are not around, so there has been many a time I "reminded" her I was an adult and if I choose to break my kids by doing XYZ, they are my kids to break. She had two of her own to break. Doesn't usually go over well, but gets my point across to her.
With regards to your original question (sorry I'm long winded), if my mom asked me to say good bye to grandma, I might has actually done so as if I were 3 years old. Which would likely be funny, but also a bad example for my LO.
I do suggest a conversation with mom, if you see here frequently enough to warrant it. The LOs should really be taking ordinary instructs from mom and dad. If there is some safety issue happening, then by all means, direct the child. But if all is safe and we are hanging out, let mom and dad take care of the basics. One thing you might mention to her is that she did a good job already, as can be seen by your instructions and the way your son follows them.
@simesime13 - Thanks. I wish I could do what your sister does. Anytime I try to talk to my mom about something she does that bothers me she'll get really defensive. Eventually she'll say, well, this isn't really going anywhere so let's change the subject. Basically, I know I'm wrong, but I don't want to admit to it or change. On a few rare occasions she's owned up to it, but she'll eventually do the same thing over again.
I've come to the conclusion she won't change so I just have to minimize damage and avoid certain situations.
I think next time I just have to be more ready and prepared to say not now, but I'll give you a baby when a baby is ready for someone else to do the holding. Until then I at least have this board as an outlet.
By the way, I rarely eat out with my parents, but I can totally see my mom still making menu suggestions for me.