Issue with DH

ChanelA · October 2014

My D&C was on Tuesday and DH was great. He is a nyc fire fighter and picked up some extra shifts to work. Well I haven't seen DH since Wednesday morning. He has worked day and night since then. I'm so angry at him and most of all really hurt. Every night I find myself crying less about loosing my baby and more about the fact that he isn't even here with me. Is anyone else experience tension with with their significant other? I don't know what to do, I'm all over the place and I can't get a grip on my emotions.

Today I have my best friends housewarming party, she has been less than supportive. My sister in law will also be there and is not stop talk about her embryo transfer... Someone shoot me :-(

meredithcarole · October 2014

Miscarriage can be hard on your marriage. It is a time of very strong emotion, a sense of loss, uncertainty, and unfairness. This happened to you, in your body, but it also happened to your husband. Perhaps he is working to occupy himself so he doesn't think about the pain. That being said, it is really hurtful to you that you feel abandoned. Try to tell him that without placing any blame. Let him know you're scared and feeling alone and you would really like him to spend some time with you. If you haven't, do something together to honor the loss: release balloons with a letter, throw flower petals on the surface of a lake/river/ocean, go to a park and have a picnic - whatever feels true and meaningful to you. It's a really hard road, but you are in this together.

flyoffeve · October 2014

PP said it well. Try to tell him how you feel. Maybe he can text or call you during a break even for a minute to help you feel connected. You may also want to find someone to talk to friend, Mom, professional about your feelings.

Since you asked if anyone else has had tension with SO, yes, I have as well. At first he was very supportive and cuddled. Now, four weeks later, he is distant and doesn't understand why I am still feeling angry or sad at times. Also, I am still bleeding and not feeling very loving (if you can read between the lines on this one) so he is getting frustrated at me for that, too.

FigureSkater8 · October 2014

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. My DH left on a business trip for 3 days the day after my D&C. It was OK for us...I knew he needed to get away and focus on something else. However I talked to him each night and expressed my feelings. I'd keep in mind that he's grieving too but I'd also tell him how you're feeling and that his absence has been hard.

4N6s · October 2014

Oh my goodness... Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling! Being alone made it so much worse for me.

It'll get better though.

Puglife83 · October 2014

I feel your pain 100%

When I went into the hospital because I had an ectopic pregnancy and my body was trying to miscarry it, I was by myself. My husband is in the military and while I knew it was hard for him to leave, I also felt like he could have at least tried, which he didn't. I had to go back 2 days later for a methotrexate shot, and luckily he was able to come with me. However that is the last time he talked about what happened. In the days after, he didnt even mention it once or ask me how I was and just went on with his life like nothing happened. I was so hurt and began to feel resentment towards him. I was thankful that I at least had my mom and this board to talk to and was able to vent my sadness and pain.

xraychick01 · October 2014

My SO was out of town working for a week and a half while I was miscarrying the whole time. I felt so alone and was so upset that he was gone. It was so hard to go through that completely on my own. However, it did give me a lot of time to myself and to focus solely on me. Is there someone else you know that you can lean on while he's not home? I'm so sorry. It's difficult to deal with at all let alone by yourself. Hugs.

nikiswimr · October 2014

We're struggling as well. This has been very hard on me. It was our first baby and we tried so long to conceive. Every day I'm still feeling sad and hopeless and crying. I want/need him to be more supportive and grieve with me. He wants/needs me to stop talking about it and wants to just go back to normal life. It's very tough.

ChanelA · October 2014

I think we have come to a place where we agree to disagree. He doesn't see my side and I don't understand his. I have a little bit of resentment towards especially now that suddenly he doesn't want to try anymore. I'm really confused but focusing on me. Focusing on me is the only thing that will help me feel better.

kyliehopeful · October 2014

I'm in the same position, the losses have put so much pressure on our relationship. He doesn't want to try again unless I can guarantee him the next time will work. As much as I wish I had a magic fairy wand to grant me this wish, alas I don't so we are at a standstill.

ChanelA · October 2014

I'm emotionally drained... Today we had a huge fight because suddenly he isn't ready anymore and won't try again till next year.

kyliehopeful · October 2014

@ChanelA‌ I hear you! We have had quite a few heated fights and I'm feeling completely drained too. We find out in a couple of weeks if there was any chromosomal issues. I'm almost 40 and he is 35 so we don't have a lot of time on my side if we are going to try again. I feel like these losses are my fault somehow even though I realise it could be him too, it doesn't make it easier though. Sending you an Internet hug

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