Moms of all boys

jpavenski · October 2014

So we found out baby #2 is another boy. Don't get me wrong here, we are so extremely happy our baby is healthy. Especially since I had a complicated first pregnancy & this one we were told we don't even need another ultrasound and I am already in love with my little guy! My son is over the moon he is getting a brother & I hope they will be best friends. But I'm just trying to deal with my feelings of sadness about not having a little girl, which of courses makes me feel guilty & like a bad mom for thinking this way. I love having a boy, but it's just hard for me to let go off seeing a little mini me, doing hair & nails & watch a little girl dance (I'm a dance teacher). I'm very much for letting kids express their own interest & I know that having a girl wouldn't even necessarily mean all those things. But literally all of my friends have multiple girls. I just feel like my DH is the only one who I can share these feelings with, without sounding horrible. I'm just wondering if I'm not alone & how moms of all boys let go of these feelings.

Unknown · October 2014

This content has been removed.

honkytonk_kid · October 2014

I think it's normal to have some feelings of missing out when you find out either way. We have ideas and dreams of what a child will be like, but like you said there's no guarantee that a girl would even like any of the things you are imagining for her. I have fleeting feelings of sadness that this baby isn't a boy even though I am over the moon over having a girl! It just took so long to conceive this one that I'm not sure I can handle trying for a third but I would still love to have two boys.

I think time will help. As you get closer to meeting your boy and get more excited, then once you finally get to see your two sons interact, any feelings of missing out on a daughter will probably lessen.

jpavenski · October 2014

Thank you! It's just like ok I wanna just get over these feelings cause it then leads to me feeling bad. My poor DH is trying to be supportive but guys don't get it & I think he doesn't know what to say. Tries to make me laugh about all the penises in the house, even the dog is a boy!

jpavenski · October 2014

honkytonk_kid said:
I think it's normal to have some feelings of missing out when you find out either way. We have ideas and dreams of what a child will be like, but like you said there's no guarantee that a girl would even like any of the things you are imagining for her. I have fleeting feelings of sadness that this baby isn't a boy even though I am over the moon over having a girl! It just took so long to conceive this one that I'm not sure I can handle trying for a third but I would still love to have two boys.

I think time will help. As you get closer to meeting your boy and get more excited, then once you finally get to see your two sons interact, any feelings of missing out on a daughter will probably lessen.

I think this is part of the reason I should have stayed team green for this one! I told DH I new I wouldn't feel that way once they hand me that precious baby. We were team green last time & it is just weird for me to know & not have my baby. Now I just want him to be here!

jpavenski · October 2014

@babys2014‌ I think that's what's hard for me, I have a close group of 5 girlfriends & only one has a boy & a girl & the rest all have multiple girls. I love them all but feel like they are all looking at me with pity like I'm missing out.

scarlettc27 · October 2014

My aunt had two sons and no daughters, but she always treated me and my little sister like the daughters she never had. Her wedding gift to me was my wedding dress, and she went with me to order it (my mom was there when we chose it, but just my aunt came when I bought it.) we've always had a special relationship that I treasure. I know she loved having boys and had so much fun, and she got some of the girl fun with us! And none of the teenage drama

rita213 · October 2014

What you are feeling is normal with our first we really wanted a girl, I even had a sees that it was a girl, when we had the ultrasound and found out it was a boy I cried, because I thought boy stuff wasn't cute. I quickly got over that and I love my almost 9 year old and then we had another boy 2 years later and knew he was s boy, now we got lucky I guess because this one is a girl and both boys are so excited to be getting a sister, as are my husband and I to finally get a daughter. Don't feel bad boys are fun, try to focus on all the things you can do with them both instead of what you can't do.

jpavenski · October 2014

scarlettc27 said:
My aunt had two sons and no daughters, but she always treated me and my little sister like the daughters she never had. Her wedding gift to me was my wedding dress, and she went with me to order it (my mom was there when we chose it, but just my aunt came when I bought it.) we've always had a special relationship that I treasure.

I know she loved having boys and had so much fun, and she got some of the girl fun with us! And none of the teenage drama

I have the same kind of relationship with my aunt who has three boys! I am actually the only girl on my moms side of the family with two brothers. Unfortunately the brothers are no where near married & kids phase. But I am absolutely in love with my 16 month old goddaughter though & hope to have this relationship with her:)

kellbell1982 · October 2014

My sister just found out her fourth and last child will be a fourth boy. She called me crying and felt terrible for how she felt, but just like how you're feeling, it's completely understandable.

MrsLaurenandDan · October 2014

We are having our third boy, and may be done after this. So I sometimes wistfully think of doing hair and cute outfits. But I am so happy with my boys too. And if we did have a 4th, I kind of assume we would have another boy too. If we had a 4th it wouldn't be because we were "trying for a girl."

jpavenski · October 2014

@MrsLaurenandDan‌ literally the night I was finding out people were already asking me if we were gonna go for a third to get a girl. What kind of question is that?! I honestly would eventually like a third if our financial situation allowed & if I get my self through another pregnancy (both have been tough) but I would have felt that way even if this one was a girl so that gets me so mad!

ashleyrh661 · October 2014

I think this is part of the reason I'm staying team green. I really go back and forth. I think having two little boys would be a blast. But then I think of all the girly stuff and the relationship I have with my mother and I would be sad to not have that. Don't feel bad about your feelings. Pretty sure everyone has them.

jpavenski · October 2014

ashleyrh661 said:
I think this is part of the reason I'm staying team green. I really go back and forth. I think having two little boys would be a blast. But then I think of all the girly stuff and the relationship I have with my mother and I would be sad to not have that. Don't feel bad about your feelings. Pretty sure everyone has them.

Stay team green! I kind of wish we did now, because of course once you look at your baby it won't matter. Honestly the only difference is getting the clothes ready which isn't a big deal at all after.

052806 · October 2014

I have 2 boys and I felt exactly how you are feeling when I found out my second was a boy. I adore him and wouldn't change it for the world- but a part of me was sad that if would never get to have a daughter.

PS #3 is a girl, so you never know

Skrittens · October 2014

I felt the same way yesterday. We are having a boy, and most likely this is probably it. I had a feeling I was ku with a boy even before I took a test. I had a second of sadness when we officially found out we were team blue - but I think it was because I was imagining one of each for some reason, even though I knew it wasn't twins.

Yesterday I was at buy buy baby and saw a cute mom and daughter and felt so sad I will never have that, I started to cry. So silly. Especially since we are over the moon happy with our boy and I cried 10 minutes earlier when I found him an outfit just like my H's favorite.

I guess I'm just saying I'm feeling the same way - even with only 1, and I think it's normal.

CarterWA · October 2014

My husband and I both wanted a girl when we had our first baby. When we found out it was a boy I was really sad because girls are just so much more fun to dress and I thought it was going to be so much more fun having a mini me! But now that I've have a boy I find myself not really liking the girl clothes and things like that. So for this baby we still want a girl but now I'm kinda thinking it'll be okay if we have two boys lol

Whitfry · October 2014

I think it's normal and ok to be sad for the sex you won't be having. We're fairly certain it's a boy (find out Thursday) and that's what we've both been hoping for. At the same time, I look at the clothes and activities I'll probably never get to do (we are most likely one and done) and I mourn a little bit.

Nobody doubts you will love your new son, but it's definitely okay to feel sadness for what you aren't having.

MrsLaurenandDan · October 2014

Yeah, I think if we had ended up with all girls I would have been a little sad for not having a boy too. DH was an Eagle Scout, and I know he looks forward to doing boy scouts with our boys.

It's funny, growing up I always pictured myself with girls, I think because I had a single mom, and so I always identified with the mother/daughter thing. But once I was with DH I wanted 2 of each.

RMama2012 · October 2014

Sorry. The feelings are normal though, you'll get used to it.

On the flip side I am having a girl after a boy and not as excited as other people and I feel bad for that. Everyone keeps saying I'll have "the perfect family" but i think 2 boys would have been "perfect" too. I was looking forward to dressing two boys alike, putting them in the same activities, seeing another baby go through DS1s clothes, and just seeing 2 boys as best friends.

I don't like the overly feminine activities put on girls, over the top clothing, and feel like there's more to worry about raising girls. I know that I don't have to do those things and am getting used to what will be my new family. I just wanted to share someone's opinion with the opposite outcome.

freegiraffe · October 2014

Totally understand your feelings. I found out on Tuesday I'm having a boy. It's my first and my husband and I were hoping for a girl, my mom and grandma wanted a granddaughter/great granddaughter, and all my friends thought it was a girl. (ETA: Forgot to add that it's my MIL's 4th grandson and she has no granddaughters.)

Deep down I had a feeling it was a boy. Unlike you, it seems like all my friends and family already have boys and now it's like "oh, just another boy" and no one is as excited as they would have been if it were a girl.

I cried and felt sad for two days, and then it was like a switch flipped and now I could not be more excited about my boy!

JCWhitey · October 2014

Sorry I really can't relate. I want all boys, preferably 3-4. I would love the crazy life of an all boy family. But even if Zi have a girl my life won't be filled with finger painting, pig tails, and frilly skirts until she's old enough to decide that for herself and hopefully by then she'll have friends to do all that with. I'm worthless on the nail painting and hair styling front.

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

Just to give a different perspective...

I tried for 5 years to get pregnant and finally did via IVF with donor eggs. I was a tiny bit sad at first that my baby wouldn't have the same DNA as me and could possibly not look like me although I did find a donor with my same ethnic background and coloring. I would then feel guilty about having these feelings of sadness since I know the most important thing is that I will get to be a mom. But I know it's okay to feel this way sometimes. And I know when I get to hold my little boy for the first time, those feelings of sadness will melt away.

I say get a chocolate sundae with crumbled Oreos on top and think of the great things your sons will share together. Then put in a fun movie like "You've Got Mail". Hope you feel better!!

Shellyhume · October 2014

Our baby #4 is also baby girl #3. I had hoped to have a second boy and still feel a little blue knowing I won't ever have that little boy I had already pictured in our family.

It's a process to change that picture of what you thought you wanted... And if it takes a couple of tears to get there, so be it.

Chris&Ang · October 2014

As everyone else said, I think the feeling is normal. I am also a dance teacher and pregnant with my first, a boy. Part of me does want a girl in the future. I actually had a few people (including some family members) ask if I was mad/disappointed that it's a boy... It really shocked me to hear that! I guess what it comes down to is that some women have the thought of having a girl for as long as we can remember (just how we had visions of being a bride). I can't speak for you or anyone else, but I felt like I had to adjust when I first found out we are having a boy and then realized all the amazing things (about boys) that I hadn't thought of before. I am over the moon excited to meet my little man. Not to mention, all the little girlfriends he will have at my dance studio! He he maybe we will have some hip hop dancers in our future!

jpavenski · October 2014

Thanks ladies, it really helps to hear other peoples thoughts & family dynamics! I also love little boys clothes more than girls & can't wait to dress them alike. I think the only one who can fully take my feelings away is the little guy in my belly, I know once I see my sweet baby boy I will forget all about this nonsense:)

jpavenski · October 2014

Chris&Ang said:
As everyone else said, I think the feeling is normal. I am also a dance teacher and pregnant with my first, a boy. Part of me does want a girl in the future. I actually had a few people (including some family members) ask if I was mad/disappointed that it's a boy... It really shocked me to hear that! I guess what it comes down to is that some women have the thought of having a girl for as long as we can remember (just how we had visions of being a bride). I can't speak for you or anyone else, but I felt like I had to adjust when I first found out we are having a boy and then realized all the amazing things (about boys) that I hadn't thought of before. I am over the moon excited to meet my little man. Not to mention, all the little girlfriends he will have at my dance studio! He he maybe we will have some hip hop dancers in our future!

My son is 3 & just started at my dance studio this year. He is so cute with all the girls, such a ladies man. And he loves it! I would actually love to have a serious dancer either way:) and I always tell my group of friends that I hope he marries one of their girls who he is super close with, how awesome would it be to know your daughter in law since birth!

crunchymamaof2 · October 2014

I completely understand. This is our third and last. I'm thrilled to have two boys but am sad at the possibility of not having a daughter. Well find out a week from Tuesday and I'm petrified I'll feel sad if it's a boy. I've had dreams that I did and was devastated. I'm so tired of everyone asking "you're hoping it's a girl right?"

tabitha722 · October 2014

I am a mom to 3 boys and at this point we are hopeful that #4 is a boy too! Being a mom to boys was not what I ever thought I wanted, but I couldn't even imagine my life any other way! We are team green with this one, and I was for the previous ones as well, but being a mom to boys is still very very awesome! Embrace being a momma, regardless of the number of children or their sex. ::hugs::

maisonduchoco2 · October 2014

Everyone has given great advice already. I just want to reiterate that it's ok to be a little sad when you have to let go of a certain image you've had in your head regarding how your family will look.

We are having our second boy and I'm ecstatic. I don't have a great relationship with my mother so I was terrified of having a girl. We are all different and that's ok.

janda426 · October 2014

RQuinlin said:
I'm just the opposite of you. We already have a daughter and found out this one is a girl. I was kinda sad at first. I'm jealous of all you mamas out there that get that super special mother-son relationship. I'm jealous my DH will twice get Daddy's Girls and I'll never have my Mama's Boy. I even live on a hunting ranch aka boy heaven. It took me a little while, but now I'm super excited about our daughter. I think part of it is just mourning the child you won't have before you can celebrate the one you will.

I can't bold but this, the last sentence. It's not about being disappointed about what you ARE having but slightly mourning what you won't have. I can say that I really do hope I have a daughter one day but I always wanted a boy too so we are so thrilled especially since he's our first and I'm soooo attached to my little man already. Plus I'm REALLY surprised how much I like boy clothes!

We hope to have 4 children so who knows what the future will bring. If we have 4 healthy boys I couldn't imagine being any happier. I'm sure the dynamic is totally different once they're actually here vs when they're still in your belly and you haven't met them and all you can think is missing the little girl or boy you never got to have.

jpavenski · October 2014

RQuinlin said:
@janda426‌ I can't truly take credit for that. I read it (not the exact wording, but close) in a book once and I thought it made total sense so it stuck with me.

That sentence def describes it perfectly:)

mamajack86 · October 2014

We have a boy & find out on the 26th what I'm carrying this time around. My husband and his family want a girl so bad that I'm worried they'll be disappointed if it's a boy. I thought I wanted a girl but I love the idea of having brothers.

ruemorgan · October 2014

Im a FTM so I cant exactly relate. But ive really been struggling to form a bond with baby. Ive been trying everything I read, I make purchases for the baby, but at the end of the day its just not there and I feel like the worst mom in the world. i know its not "uncommon," but it really takes a toll on you and attitude toward baby. I hope youre able to over come these feelings about baby's sex. Maybe itll take seeing the baby and making memories. But youre not a bad mother for feeling this way.

ETA I bet your little boy will be the little heart throb driving their little girls crazy!!

JCWhitey · October 2014

RQuinlin said:

I'm just the opposite of you. We already have a daughter and found out this one is a girl. I was kinda sad at first. I'm jealous of all you mamas out there that get that super special mother-son relationship. I'm jealous my DH will twice get Daddy's Girls and I'll never have my Mama's Boy. I even live on a hunting ranch aka boy heaven. It took me a little while, but now I'm super excited about our daughter. I think part of it is just mourning the child you won't have before you can celebrate the one you will.

If it helps my son much prefers my husband over me, so even this isn't guaranteed just because your baby has a penis! We were away from him all weekend and the moment he saw us he bee lined for DH and was laughing and cuddling with him. When I tried to give him a hug and get some cuddles he started crying and pushing away and went straight back to his daddy. I don't really mind, I'm happy he's close with his dad, I just hope one of my kids ends up preferring me, whether it's a boy or a girl!

staceyponczek · November 2014

I felt that way about my first son. I felt guilty for not having that connection everyone always talks about. Although I loved him since he was born, I don't think it really came until he was around 6-7 months when he could really interact. It's different for everyone. Now I feel that bond grow stronger every day.

Want a personalized experience?

Moms of all boys

Re: Moms of all boys

Choose Another Board

Search Boards