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April 2014 Moms
smushi
member
Mommy Guilt
smushi
member
Ok, so I'm in this very strange position and I'm no longer sure what I want/what to do anymore.
I'm working, and LO is in daycare currently. I've been very unhappy, not necessarily with the daycare, but with the fact that I'm not with him. It's causing me a lot of anxiety, to the point where I burst into tears randomly and have come to dread Sundays or evenings.
Yesterday afternoon DH said something offhandedly about the daycare ladies and how they would react to LO's new trick (loud squealing), and I just lost it. Total blubbering mess. Once he finally calmed me down, we talked about it, and he just said, well you can just stay home and we'll make it work, and that I should talk to daycare today about getting out of our contract.
So today, I take LO to daycare, and I feel absolutely no anxiety. No stress or anything. I hand him off without having to go back 3 extra times to hold him. I spend all day worrying more over talking to the daycare about the contract or budget woes if I do stay home. I don't feel the urge to rush to pick him up this afternoon (typically I'm a mad woman).
Now I'm wholly confused. Am I feeling completely at ease because now it's a real possibility that I'll get what I've been hoping for? Or is it possible my anxiety has just suddenly gone away? I feel so guilty for asking my husband to take on the pressures of being the sole provider, and yet I feel equally guilty that I'm not with my LO (which is what I want most).
What would you do if you were offered the chance to stay home with your LO?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mommy Guilt
Is there something you could do at home to offset the loss of income if you quit if needed?
I'm assuming you're a FTM like me. Let me say that being a SAHM has stresses of its own. There are days when I wish I was a working mom just so I could feel worthwhile and productive and appreciate my time with baby girl more. So if you do decide to quit, you might experience other stresses you didn't expect. But then again, since you've seen what the grass is like on the other side, maybe you'll anticipate and accept them more easily.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Your income is gone, who currently pays for the benefits? If that comes from your salary, you need to now take it from your Hs. What to you pay to commute? To get lunch? You now save that, but you'll need more groceries. When you stay home, will you want to join a baby gym to socialize and what does that cost? Will you start getting lunch with a mom friend and what will that cost? When LO is 3 will you want to send them to preschool, what will that cost and/or would you return to work at that point? What value do you place on retirement savings, college savings, family trips, and other luxuries?
We did this and decided it wasn't worth it. What we did then decide is to hire a cleaning lady because that allows us to spend our weekends as weekends rather than juggling. We also meal plan so that weeknights are not all that hectic. There may be some things you can outsource that will allow the time you have to be better, and that's the route we chose.
I think you are probably feeling better because you know you have the support of your DH and you have a possible out. But I would also put things on paper and figure out if you really can make it work. As someone else pointed out, when you stop working you certainly end up saving in some areas but then start spending more on other items. So be realistic.
Also it doesn't hurt to talk to your DC about options for getting out of the contract. A one year contract for an infant DC is ludicrous but if they can get away wih doing that they are likely in high demand and have a waiting list of people who would love to take your spot. And I can't imagine they'd still charge you the 10k if they can get someone else in there.
Anyway good luck in making the decision. If you really feel uncertain now you don't have to decide today. Take your time so you can be as sure as you can that you are making the right decision for you.