But seriously, about mucous plugs

JFH2010 · October 2014

I don't want to post in that thread because I want a more general understanding. Why do people get worked up over others asking that sort of question? (No one was worked up in that thread, but it's clearly something that bothers people). I did not lose my plug with DS, so I don't know anything about it. If I thought I lost it in the MOTN, first I would google it, and if I didn't get a satisfactory answer, I might hop on my BMB and ask for opinions. I'm not going to call my dr at 1am over a mucous plug. But I AM going to obsess over it, and it's nice to obsess over things with friends. (Note: Under NO circumstance would I post a pic of it, lol). It seems like the culture of this board is pretty conservative in terms of what questions are "OK." I'm just wondering why that is. It's not a criticism - I'd really like to know. Is it partly because it's a new poster? I can see it being weirder if it's someone you've never interacted with before.

rroberts2140 · October 2014

I've never posted about a mucous plug before, myself or in response to anyone else, but I can understand the reason it's annoying. I never lost mine with DS, as he was delivered caesarean and I never labored. However, I read enough in What to Expect to know what the mucous plug was (and clearly these posters know about it too, or they wouldn't know what to call it when they were asking). I know there is more than enough info on the internet to answer the questions that are being asked, just as well as any BMB could answer it. I'm not trying to flame or be defensive, just trying to explain why I don't feel like these posts are necessary for piece of mind or gathering more information from the board. When I see those types of posts, I don't answer because of this belief, and I feel if the poster rally wants MOTN information, they can find it thorough another source and it'll be just as helpful as the BMB.

AnnieRoo13 · October 2014

The other thread pissed me off more because she accused us of being mean when the responses she received were really nice and pretty helpful.

In regards to mucous plugs in general I don't personally care if someone asks a question about them, but I do think there's such a wealth of knowledge out there about them already that we probably aren't going to be able to help them much.

jj0313 · October 2014

I just think it's annoying because obviously no one on here knows for sure whether it is or not. And what's the point of guessing and then maybe being wrong?? I can't fault the poster(s) but it's just kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't response. Also, Google would be a better source of info if you didn't want to call your doctor. I personally just don't respond to those threads. I don't have the energy!

soulcupcake · October 2014

I don't really get it, either, because I've seen this and similar questions asked on many other forums and it's never been an issue. Ever. Most just respond sharing their experiences or lack thereof, and no one gets all squeamish about it. It seems to be a Bumb-specific thing.

And re: "use google." That question can apply to just about every question that gets asked. If someone asked about clogged milk ducts causing breastfeeding issues another person can simply say "Ask a LC" or "Check out Kellymom." Sure, these are great resources, but the individual is likely asking for experiences and will/may follow up with said resources.

There are many questions about labor, inductions, what contractions feel like, and all sorts of things. And guess what, google is there for that, too. So, basically stop asking questions for which there are google-able answers to.

jj0313 · October 2014

Just looked back at the other thread again and do find it sad that a fairly innocent question was quoted for proof almost automatically because people anticipated that the tone was going to change and op would end up removing completely. That makes me a bit sad to participate in that type of community. I'm team be quietly annoyed at Google questions but don't let it rev you up.

lizzielu82 · October 2014

jj0313 said:

Just looked back at the other thread again and do find it sad that a fairly innocent question was quoted for proof almost automatically because people anticipated that the tone was going to change and op would end up removing completely. That makes me a bit sad to participate in that type of community. I'm team be quietly annoyed at Google questions but don't let it rev you up.

QFP is used to help future post readers. In this case, it was clear OP was getting sensitive about the responses and could potentially DD. There were actually a lot of helpful responses so it's important to quote so that other users, who might be worried about the same thing, understand and get the context of the thread and are hopefully helped by it.

If it makes you sad to be here, then no one is forcing you to be here. This is an open internet forum where everyone is entitled to their own opinions and communicating them.

That's why I like this community so much - it's honest and is a host to all sorts of different women from all walks of life. I've learned a lot because not everyone is responding in the same way all the time and there are a lot of interesting and diverse opinions.

You can't tell other people how to respond, just like no one else can tell you how to respond. That's what makes this board work so well and why I've gotten so much out of this community.

soulcupcake · October 2014

jj0313 said: Just looked back at the other thread again and do find it sad that a fairly innocent question was quoted for proof almost automatically because people anticipated that the tone was going to change and op would end up removing completely. That makes me a bit sad to participate in that type of community. I'm team be quietly annoyed at Google questions but don't let it rev you up.
___________________________________________
@jj0313
Ridicule for ridicule's sake is just unnecessary. It's not "snarky," "witty" or being "cool." If someone crashes a board, a new poster, and asks an annoying question the simplest thing is, wait for it, ignore it. I wouldn't doubt that some people come onto these boards knowing the responses they'll get. They could be trolling. But there are those who are simply looking for shared experiences.

I can't count how many times I've seen new moms ask "My nipples are raw and bleeding. Baby is having difficulty latching. Could it be a poor latch, improper positioning or something else?" Oh my. Blood!!! So scary! Ew! *eye roll* And guess what, the overwhelming response tends to be those simply sharing their experiences and offering advice. If it's a legit question mocking and ridicule veiled as "snark" is just pointless.

How many people post questions about their possibly big baby and how it will affect labor or whether they should induce? And how many respond with the same ol' response about weight estimates being notoriously inaccurate? All the damn time. Guess what. All of that can be googled! And if the person is very new there's always the option of directing them to do a search for recent posts.

jj0313 · October 2014

@lizzielu82‌ I'm very aware of the purpose of qfp. This was quoted TWO MINUTES after the original post and the only response she had received was that it sounded like it was, indeed, the mucus plug. So my assumption still stands-it was quoted in anticipation of the thread going south, not because it had.

Also, I'm very aware I can leave the boards if I want but thanks for the clear invite. My god, in one sentence you say you love all the different walks of life, in the next you are basically showing someone the door because they expressed an opinion. It's not that serious.

silverwings72 · October 2014

I could care less if someone asks me about their mucous plug, online or IRL. Feel free to ask anything on this forum. Most of us are pretty open about these kinds of things. I think the thread went wrong when the OP didn't quite understand our inside joke. Was it being malicious? I don't think so.

I'd like to think I have gotten to know some of these ladies' personality to know they were not coming from an unkind place. Their motive was not malicious. Does that make sense??

In fact, I think after they saw the helpful responses they felt a little more free to find humor in our situation.

Like I said in the other thread- we need to lighten up a little. All of us.

lizzielu82 · October 2014

jj0313 said:

@lizzielu82‌ I'm very aware of the purpose of qfp. This was quoted TWO MINUTES after the original post and the only response she had received was that it sounded like it was, indeed, the mucus plug. So my assumption still stands-it was quoted in anticipation of the thread going south, not because it had. Also, I'm very aware I can leave the boards if I want but thanks for the clear invite. My god, in one sentence you say you love all the different walks of life, in the next you are basically showing someone the door because they expressed an opinion. It's not that serious.

I appreciate your opinion and am certainly not telling you to leave. I can't even do that nor would I want to.

All I was saying, in general, is that if the responses you disagree with make you sad to be here, then why stay? There are a lot stronger and harsher opinions that have and will be expressed and that should be expected in an open forum.

ColtiersMom · October 2014

I lost mine 3weeks before I was induced with my son. Really all it is is a big ol pile of discharge.. like a handful! (sorry, TMI). I wouldn't get worked up about it or call the dr at 1am about it, wait until normal business hours if you think you need to call.

k1911 · October 2014

I appreciate your opinion and am certainly not telling you to leave. I can't even do that nor would I want to.

All I was saying, in general, is that if the responses you disagree with make you sad to be here, then why stay? There are a lot stronger and harsher opinions that have and will be expressed and that should be expected in an open forum.

She just meant that it is unfortunate that it was suspected so early on that the thread was about to go south. And I agree with her...it is unfortunate, but, there are many other reasons to stay on this board. I have learned SO much from being on here, as I am sure everyone else has. Just because you do not like certain things about being in this type of community does not mean that you leave entirely. She has a right to her opinion without it being implied she should leave.

jj0313 · October 2014

@lizzielu82‌ if you look at most of my previous posts (and I very seriously don't mean I think you need to do that) it's not a common theme that I'm worked up about how people treat each other around here but it's been a recent topic from everyone. I try to participate regularly and am no ray of sunshine myself half the time. To me, it was worth noticing that a pretty harmless question needed to be qfp'ed right away. That's it. Like three messages up I agreed mucus plug posts were annoying. Whatever.

I want to be part of the community. I'm trying to be part of the community. But the "just leave if you don't like us" mentality is exhausting and pretty counter to the vibe of acceptance some folks like to push out in the same breath.

JFH2010 · October 2014

Thanks for your perspectives, ladies. It sounds like the reasons for the negative reactions are pretty varied. I agree that it makes no sense to say, "don't ask a question that you can google," considering that you can google evvvvvvvverything these days. The boards would be pretty dead if we all followed that. But I also think the question gets a special kind of reaction because, mucous. To me part of it the subtext of the question is, "OMG baby might be on its way!!" and the desire to share that excitement. But, yeah, that makes less sense if it's your first post on the board.

FWIW I also thought the immediate QFP was odd.

lizzielu82 · October 2014

@jj0313 and @k1911

I'm really not saying to leave - just saying that the board is what it is and is what you make of it. And I do genuinely think people are being more conscious of the way they are communicating their opinions after all the conversations we've had about tone this week.

My only point here was that you can't control all the responses and yes, some will not be how you might respond. But the good news is that you can respond differently, and provide an opinion that you think may not have been communicated correctly by others.

I hope everyone stays and I hope all the new users asking these questions find value in the various opinions and decide to come back. But being an open forum, people need to expect any and all responses and try to not be so sensitive to the ones they disagree with.

k1911 · October 2014

@lizzielu82, yup, I agree. Everyone can respond how they like, including the responses that say they do not care for snark or unnecessary meanness.

Lets all be happy...we are having our babies soon!

mommymeg143 · October 2014

I just googled mucus/mucous plug. Guess what came up? Thousands of pictures of actual mucus/mucous plugs. Thousands.

When I googled Labor Contractions, Braxton Hicks, Back Labor, Cramping, Bleeding During Pregnancy, Less Movement during Third Trimester, etc...not one specific picture came up.

So, I think this question gets people revved up the most because you can actually find a TON of information on it, if you actually look. Unlike most parts of pregnancy, the mucus/mucous plug actually looks similar in most pregnant women. Unlike everything else that is unique to each individual person (labor, delivery, contractions, cramping, etc...). In those cases, it's great to hear other people's experiences and our board is typically very open to answering and sharing when asked those questions.

soulcupcake · October 2014

lizzielu82 said:

jj0313 said:

Just looked back at the other thread again and do find it sad that a fairly innocent question was quoted for proof almost automatically because people anticipated that the tone was going to change and op would end up removing completely. That makes me a bit sad to participate in that type of community. I'm team be quietly annoyed at Google questions but don't let it rev you up.

QFP is used to help future post readers. In this case, it was clear OP was getting sensitive about the responses and could potentially DD. There were actually a lot of helpful responses so it's important to quote so that other users, who might be worried about the same thing, understand and get the context of the thread and are hopefully helped by it.

If it makes you sad to be here, then no one is forcing you to be here. This is an open internet forum where everyone is entitled to their own opinions and communicating them.

That's why I like this community so much - it's honest and is a host to all sorts of different women from all walks of life. I've learned a lot because not everyone is responding in the same way all the time and there are a lot of interesting and diverse opinions.

You can't tell other people how to respond, just like no one else can tell you how to respond. That's what makes this board work so well and why I've gotten so much out of this community.

I think it's highly dependent on the nature of the topic, but the general dynamic and culture leans a bit, well, conservative in some respects. And it seems related to the specific dynamics of TB. If there's a lot of diversity then why are a lot of the responses and reactions to "icky things that shouldn't be asked" overwhelmingly identical to the responses on virtually every other Bump board? That's not diverse if everyone tags along. That's like a collective response. And these are lurkers or new people without much history. It's not like they're stirring the pot or intentionally riling people up by being intentionally obtuse and inflammatory.

I've rarely come across members of fertility and pregnancy boards that make a hubbub over seemingly benign questions.

The function and purpose of QFP varies depending on the forum. But I'm mostly familiar with people using it to quote someone, sometimes a lurker, or someone who is attempting to stir the pot (board drama), and to avoid the issue of them backpedaling or deleting followed by YAGE, so their responses are quoted. Often the poster's story doesn't match up and QFP is used to refer back to the OP's post just in case they felt like editing or changing something in their story.

But QFP a common and simple question relevant to the nature of, well, pregnancy boards, even if it's asked ad nauseam? One can simply quote the OP without "QFP," because it sends a very different message, especially when new posters and lurkers may not have the slightest clue what that means. No wonder they get defensive.

soulcupcake · October 2014

mommymeg143 said: I just googled mucus/mucous plug. Guess what came up? Thousands of pictures of actual mucus/mucous plugs. Thousands. When I googled Labor Contractions, Braxton Hicks, Back Labor, Cramping, Bleeding During Pregnancy, Less Movement during Third Trimester, etc...not one specific picture came up. So, I think this question gets people revved up the most because you can actually find a TON of information on it, if you actually look. Unlike most parts of pregnancy, the mucus/mucous plug actually looks similar in most pregnant women. Unlike everything else that is unique to each individual person (labor, delivery, contractions, cramping, etc...). In those cases, it's great to hear other people's experiences and our board is typically very open to answering and sharing when asked those questions.
___________________________________________________

Well, there wouldn't be pictures of the other aforementioned matters, but there is a plethora of information, data and literature, and yet the same questions are asked repeatedly. Sure, "the mucous plug looks like a giant glob of snot or it may be lost in smaller pieces overtime, but it doesn't predict the occurrence of labor."/ is a pretty straightforward answer. Now, if someone asks the rate of occurrence or when it can happen, whether it means labor is near or whatever, people can actually share their experiences. There's more to work with. A large part of me wonders if some people are simply trolling these boards knowing the dynamics and reactions they'll get.

But a logical response to a repeatedly asked question, whether genuine or not, is to ignore it. If folks are so annoyed by them then why continue engaging these lurkers and new posters' inane questions?

Please don't mistake my posing these questions as "you're trying to dictate what people say, yada, yada, yada." because that's patently false. I'm just curious about the logic of continuing to engage in threads that one finds annoying or silly.

mamatohne · October 2014

jj0313 said:
So my assumption still stands-it was quoted in anticipation of the thread going south, not because it had.

This is EXACTLY why I qfp. Those threads never go well and always ended up deleted.

And in the spirit of not being mean, it was the nicest thing I could say.

Like it or not, it's not our board, it's the ENTIRE bump site who would respond far worse than we did on ththat post.

And I have a question..... since when is qfp considered mean?????

JFH2010 · October 2014

It's not mean, it's just weird because it's a random inoffensive post. To me QFP is more for something that the OP will want to pretend they never said, like the person on my last BMB who admitted to nursing her baby while giving a blow job :-#

silverwings72 · October 2014

JFH2010 said:
It's not mean, it's just weird because it's a random inoffensive post. To me QFP is more for something that the OP will want to pretend they never said, like the person on my last BMB who admitted to nursing her baby while giving a blow job :-#

OMG. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. [-( No. Just. No.

kjmommy1214 · October 2014

JFH2010 said:
It's not mean, it's just weird because it's a random inoffensive post. To me QFP is more for something that the OP will want to pretend they never said, like the person on my last BMB who admitted to nursing her baby while giving a blow job :-#

I remember this. It wasn't my BMB, but that spread like wildfire around the bump.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

Lurking from D14 but just popping in to say: either someone is playing a joke on D14 or we really got a mucous plug picture today. Apparently this really happens.

jj0313 · October 2014

I can't even be mad at a BJ when breastfeeding. That's just impressive.

mommymeg143 · October 2014

leosmom25 said:
Lurking from D14 but just popping in to say: either someone is playing a joke on D14 or we really got a mucous plug picture today. Apparently this really happens.

:::Runs to D14:::

MrsG1019 · October 2014

mommymeg143 said:

leosmom25 said:
Lurking from D14 but just popping in to say: either someone is playing a joke on D14 or we really got a mucous plug picture today. Apparently this really happens.
:::Runs to D14:::

You're gonna wish you hadn't ...

MrsG1019 · October 2014

aragosta said:

MrsG1019 said:

mommymeg143 said:

leosmom25 said:
Lurking from D14 but just popping in to say: either someone is playing a joke on D14 or we really got a mucous plug picture today. Apparently this really happens.
:::Runs to D14:::
You're gonna wish you hadn't ...
:::blocks d14 from phone:::

I stand corrected... Go.. It's worth the giggles from those girls really telling it how it is.... But scroll quickly past the post to avoid seeing the pix (I still haven't seen it and refuse to) their responses make ours look like sunshine and butterflies.

minibean16 · October 2014

jj0313 said:
I can't even be mad at a BJ when breastfeeding. That's just impressive.

Just the logistics of it. Seems too complex, although I refuse to put any time into figuring out how to do it.

silverwings72 · October 2014

@aragosta‌ and @MrsG1019‌
Dammit! Now I have to go look!

Eta- I really have no self control. Im pathetic.

JFH2010 · October 2014

@emnob28 I'm sure the culture will change over time - even internet culture isn't static. But I totally agree that the degree of familiarity with a poster makes a huge difference. It sounds like for some people, that's more of the issue, while for others it's more the "ick" factor or whatever.

I am now never, ever visiting D14.

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