In-laws in for the long haul

sgracemc · October 2014

My in-laws are "snowbirds" and usually fly south for the winter, but stay with my husband and I for the summer. This year with the babies coming (their daughter is due in November, and I'm due in December) they decided to stay to help us out and be here for the babies. They just mentioned they plan on staying through February!! 2/3 months of my maternity leave.

We're already looking for new living arrangements come the summer, but how do I let them know that I want to spend the time I have after the birth and much of my maternity leave without them hovering around every moment?

If they go home, they won't get to see baby until the summer and I'm sure they'll be helpful, but I'd much rather be with just baby and dad.

What would be a good compromise?

Shortstack06 · October 2014

They should look for a furnished apartment that does month to month leasing. That is a long time to inconvenience someone without discussing it first.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

sgracemc said:

My in-laws are "snowbirds" and usually fly south for the winter, but stay with my husband and I for the summer. This year with the babies coming (their daughter is due in November, and I'm due in December) they decided to stay to help us out and be here for the babies. They just mentioned they plan on staying through February!! 2/3 months of my maternity leave. We're already looking for new living arrangements come the summer, but how do I let them know that I want to spend the time I have after the birth and much of my maternity leave without them hovering around every moment? If they go home, they won't get to see baby until the summer and I'm sure they'll be helpful, but I'd much rather be with just baby and dad. What would be a good compromise?

QFP

rshamos · October 2014

I think that is so etching your husband needs to talk to them about. Can they stay with your SIL?

leoandethansmom · October 2014

I'm a little confused. Are they staying in your home or with your sister in law or both? Honestly I would make my DH have the conversation with them and let them know they are welcome to visit but we would like to keep the environment as relaxed as possible in such a critical time in our lives. They should understand that a visit of that length in the home of a family with a newborn isn't exactly ideal for anyone involved.

Kmm1023 · October 2014

I couldn't handle any one living with us! You are not going to want that!

leoandethansmom · October 2014

twolittledogs said:
I never once went topless while bfing.

This. So much this. I did not need or want anything on display after having a baby.

Disneygeek77 · October 2014

Are you living in their home ?

jlmynes · October 2014

They definitely need to get a furnished apartment! Living with you for that long, as helpful as it may seem, can also cause additional stress and frustration. You need time to bond as a new family and that doesn't include them 24/7. Talk to them soon!

AColeman82 · October 2014

I just had to have a similar conversation, but it was with my parents. They were just here with us for what was supposed to be a month and turned into 5 due to my grandmother being in and out of the hospital. My husband has been more than understanding, but is about to lose it..my mom thinks her being here is helping me. But in reality it just super stresses me out. I ended up just having to be outright blunt with her, I tried kind of nicely nudging them to figure out a more permanent solution about it and it didn't work. I told her that husband and i needed some privacy before and after baby is here to adjust and bond etc...and had to make it very clear that there was no negotiating about it. It sucks feeling like i kicked my parents out, but seriously they weren't making a move on their own.

Just be honest about how you guys are feeling and hopefully they can respect that without having hurt feelings.

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