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April 2015 Moms
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Honoring anniversary of MIL's passing

CC1017CC1017 member
in April 2015 Moms
Hi Ladies,

I hope you can offer me some advice. My MIL passed away from cancer last year at the end of the October. As the date approaches, I can tell my husband is starting to have difficulty processing his emotions - he can be withdrawn, he can lash out - but he won't admit that he's having a hard time.

If you or your SO has lost a parent or close relative, how would your recommend I offer support and acknowledge the loss of his mother?

Thanks in advance for the help.
Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
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Re: Honoring anniversary of MIL's passing

  • theinvadermothershiptheinvadermothership member
    It's hard to say, bc i don't know him, but my mother is the same way after 10 years of her father passing. It has gotten better, but i know as a teen, my sister and i used to try and distract her. Let her know we were there to talk and for hugs. I definitely recommend approaching him and giving your condolances and offering him an outlet to talk or cry or just lay on the couch and do nothing as you rub his head.

    Other ideas i can suggest is maybe pulling out a photo album and find some good photos of him and his mom to show him. Maybe go to her favorite restaurant or make one of her favorite meals. Try and get him to remember the good times and celebrate her life. But also let him know that it's 100% okay to grieve over a parent.

    I guess try and be available and do your best to take care of him.
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  • donnamartingraduates93donnamartingraduates93 member
    I lost my mom at a very young age, and even after all this time I notice myself getting depressed around the date of her passing. I end up behaving much the way you describe your husband behaving, but will say - for me personally - I just kind of like being left alone. I think expressing your support and letting him know you are there if he wants to talk is best. Otherwise, when my husband tries to make a thing out if it, it really just makes me more agitated. I personally just like to process on my own. 
    Me: 33 DH: 38 
    BFP 1: 10/06/13 // MMC/D&C:12/16/13 (Partial Molar)
    DS: 5/4/15
    BFP 3: 10/26/16//EDD: 7/2/17

          
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  • lindsayanne14lindsayanne14 member
    I lost my Dad very young and I agree with @donnamartingraduates93‌. It is such a personal thing and the first anniversary will likely be tough, even if he doesn't verbally express it to you. I would follow his lead on how he feels comfortable honoring his mom. He may be into doing something, he may prefer to be left alone. I wouldn't push it though, it may just make a difficult time for your DH even worse.

    BFP #1 4/10/12 D&C 6/5/12@ 12.5wks EDD 12/17/12
    BFP #2 9/10/12 CP 9/19/12@ 5.5wks EDD 5/21/13
    BFP# 3 12/3/12...Lukas James born 8/15/13
    BFP# 4 8/4/14 EDD 4/13/15

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


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  • Puppies+Rainbows+UnicornsPuppies+Rainbows+Unicorns member
    Does he have any siblings that he is close with?  My husband had a hard time with the five year anniversary of his mother passing.  He went out to breakfast and then visited the grave with his sister.  
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  • CC1017CC1017 member
    Puppies+Rainbows+Unicorns said:
    Does he have any siblings that he is close with?  My husband had a hard time with the five year anniversary of his mother passing.  He went out to breakfast and then visited the grave with his sister.  
    Unfortunately, his mother's passing has strained his relationship with his siblings. His Dad is also going out of town on the anniversary date, so I think he's feeling a little alone and abandoned. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
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