Default parent

ASmallWonder · October 2014

I had to sadly laugh while reading this.

https://mblazoned.com/1/post/2014/09/the-default-parent.html

singahappysong · October 2014

Maybe I'm missing the point, but I love being the "default" parent. It's what I was born to be. A mom. Granted: I stay home all day and work my job during naps, and if I need help my husband helps. He wants to get the kid up from naps, etc. So its not a just a give give give give role for me.

ASmallWonder · October 2014

@singahappysong‌ I don't think she was complaining. Just more saying that for the default parent, there are so many things that may not even register with the other parent. I agree that I'm getting a hot damn shower but DH doesn't know bdays, signups, appointments, clothing. He's a great dad but all that has defaulted to me as I think it does most mothers.

Cricket81 · October 2014

I love being a mom and I don't mind being the default parent, BUT I do find the lack of awareness on DH's part to be frustrating. He's a great dad. He loves to play with LO and he does bath time most nights (although lately his man cold that won't die has been getting in the way). However, he has no idea how many little things there are to do and keep track of every single day in order to keep the 3 of us going.

ASmallWonder · October 2014

@Cricket81 exactly! Truthfully, I'm too controlling to NOT be the default parent but I genuinely think DH just doesn't pick up on all that I do. I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything but life doesn't roll along, self propelled. I'm propelling most of it lol

ConnieRob · October 2014

I am absolutely the default parent and part of what she said rang (sadly) true for me. The part about them painting and him not even registering when their child started to cry. My parents were visiting a few months back and Will was in his high chair playing, I took my Mom out front to show her some plants and get some advice. Will started fussing/crying. Instead of getting him from his chair, DH came outside to see what we were doing and how long we would be. It didn't even occur to him to get Will and until my mom pointed it out to me it didn't even register to me. It was just a typical thing.

I wish he would step up more but it all falls in my plate. Jack still comes in the bathroom when I'm showering for stuff even though Gary is just sitting on the couch playing a video game. I've started telling him to ask Gary for stuff and that if I'm in the bathroom it's not time for him to come in. Some privacy would be great! Especially since he's 6!

I think a big part if it for us is that he works a crazy stressful job 50-60 hours a week while I SAH. I feel bad asking for help because I know he needs a break and I do get breaks throughout the day. I think we've just gotten so ingrained with the kids coming to me for everything that it's a hard habit to break. Gary is stepping up more with Jack being in cub scouts so hopefully we can keep that momentum going.

megaroo64 · October 2014

I am definitely the default parent. My H is great- but he has no clue. At least he sometimes admits it. Yesterday he asked what kind of coat we needed for the baby- he honestly has no idea how to dress a baby to stay warm. I told him I already got it covered- and his response was "I could never be a single parent- I know nothing." That is right DH- and don't you forget it

ASmallWonder · October 2014

@Sympkin I feel the same way. I feel like if a birthday or anniversary of someone on my husband's side is forgotten, somehow, someway, it's on me even if no one says so.

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