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worry wart on board...

roomtobreatheroomtobreathe member
in 3rd Trimester
So baby shower is this weekend and I am freaking out that I won't get anything I really need and I'll have to come up with a small fortune to go get what I didn't get at the shower! Any other worry wart moms to be out there who had/have this issue going on right now? My husband keeps telling me that when you have a baby the stuff just shows up (also not helpful since I'm not wanting to dig through any emotions about the topic that he already has a child) but I just feel so unprepared not emotionally or informationally (is that a word?) but I just don't feel like I have any stuff I need! Help! Encourage me please!
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Re: worry wart on board...

  • waldothewiener1waldothewiener1 member
    roomtobreathe said:

    So baby shower is this weekend and I am freaking out that I won't get anything I really need and I'll have to come up with a small fortune to go get what I didn't get at the shower! Any other worry wart moms to be out there who had/have this issue going on right now? My husband keeps telling me that when you have a baby the stuff just shows up (also not helpful since I'm not wanting to dig through any emotions about the topic that he already has a child) but I just feel so unprepared not emotionally or informationally (is that a word?) but I just don't feel like I have any stuff I need! Help! Encourage me please!

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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    The only thing you can do is be gracious and write a nice thank you note for whatever you are given. At most baby showers, you might get some people who will club together for something big, but, in my experience with them, it's generally a lot of little stuff, and people love to buy baby outfits.

    So, I'd go ahead and start putting aside money for big thing/needs if you don't already have that. You and your H decided to have this baby, so it's up to you guys to pay for the stuff it needs. The shower is extra. The more you build this up in your head the worse it's going to be for you. Don't be one of those MTBs who throws a hissy at her shower because people should only have bought what she 'needed.' It's ungrateful.



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  • schnitz9schnitz9 member
    I don't see this thread going in a good direction.  OP just warning you, you prob aren't going to get the replies you are hoping for.  Your post sounds very gift grabby and frankly a little bit bratty.  It is not the responsibility of your family or your friends to provide for your child.  The responsibility is you and your partner.  If you don't get the things that's tough but you can't be upset about it.
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  • TeeJ526TeeJ526 member
    No, I'm honestly not worried about that. MH and I have already been prepared to just buy the necessities ourselves. It's not other people's jobs to provide for our baby. Anything purchased or offered is a gesture and shouldn't be expected of others.
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  • roomtobreatheroomtobreathe member
    Well thank you all! Yes it is our responsibility to take care of our child, yes we will have to buy necessities that we don't receive as gifts, yes I will send nice thank you cards which I already have ready to go by the way, and yes I am going to have a nice time at the shower. No I haven't gotten a lot of things this baby needs, no I have not been able to go and buy (even at thrift stores) things I would love to have by now, no I am not ungrateful. I was simply looking for someone who would say everything will be ok but thanks anyway.
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  • amieeyoungamieeyoung member
    Look at it this way... if you are struggling $$ wise buy the necessities- clothes (though you will prob get plenty at shower), Diapers/wipes, a way to feed (either BF or FF, but a few bottles either way), bath stuff (prob get at shower), some blankets since it is going to be winter (prob get at shower) and somewhere for baby to sleep. Remember babies do only a few things at first eat, sleep, poo/pee then it's rinse and repeat. I understood what you were saying... it will be alright. Good luck with the shower. 
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  • katiescarlett1katiescarlett1 member
    I get it...a had a dream a few nights before our shower that we got no gifts at all, so I think it's normal for that kind of thing to be on a newly expecting mom's mind.

    By the way, our shower was this weekend and we got SO many wonderful things for our baby. We were really blown away by people's generosity.

    I think you will be fine, especially if you're prepared to buy things yourself after the shower. Your baby will get the things they need in the end.
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  • ghostof5lettersghostof5letters member
    edited October 2014

    Everything will be OK, just as long as you saved up a small fortune. 
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Fun fact: in parts of the world where baby showers are not done at all parents are expected to buy their own shit.

    Baby Showers are a bonus & should not be an expectation. You should not be freaking out that you have to buy things for the baby you chose to have. :-??


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  • serenbachserenbach member
    Everything will be okay, but it won't be if you and your husband think things will just turn up and that's it's not your own duty to provide.

    My pregnancy was unexpected and at a point that couldn't be worse financially for us but that's what you save for and put money aside for during the first few months - if you're in 3rd tri then you've had plenty of time to save up for the essentials.

    At my baby shower and out of all the gifts I've received so far I've been most grateful for the personalised ones (homemade blankets, things with his name on etc) not the things with the big price tags. I've been lucky to have hand-me-downs from my sister in law who have birth 6 months ago and my family have helped with some things, but that doesn't mean to say me and my partner haven't gone without in order to buy things for the baby as at the end of the day that's our responsibility and no one else's! Also you should be grateful that somebody has taken the time/effort/money to throw you a shower (I'm guessing/hoping it was thrown for you) so please just enjoy it and be grateful for everything that you receive.
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  • roomtobreatheroomtobreathe member
    Ok well now that half of the people on here hate my guts, let me just say this. I was not intending to sound "gift grabby", "bratty", or "entitled" AT ALL. I fully understand my responsibilities as a mother and we have some baby things which we have already purchased/found. We have not been able to save much because my husband found himself suddenly unemployed shortly after we became pregnant and we have both been working our butts off to make sure we have enough coming in to sustain us and little one. I was/am freaking out a little that we won't receive any gifts at our shower (dreams, etc.) and I definitely did not mean for my OP to come off the way that everyone took it. I posted here for some support from other moms. I was a little "butt hurt" I guess that I did not find any support but criticism of my motives. I understand that it is my responsibility to buy any needs that I have left after the shower and due to our current financial spot (some in savings, hubby does have a new minimum wage job) I am concerned that we will be able to get those needs. Yes I believe in God providing but I also believe we have to do our part and I am having a hard time doing my part due to outside circumstances (aka bills, gas, etc). I am looking forward to the shower and hopefully I will be blown away with the love and generosity of our friends and family. Thank you for your opinions and advice. 
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    I can't even with your H thinking that baby items just show up when you have a kid. There isn't a magical fairy that just drops shit off for the baby.

    I wasn't worried about not receiving anything from my shower since I was extremely surprised that I even had one. My mom was the person that did all showers for family members and she passed away two months before I became pregnant with my first. I fully intended to buy every single item I wanted/needed.

    There are a lot of ways to provide for your child without hitting up family and friends.
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  • serenbachserenbach member
    Nobody hates your guts, posts can just be interpreted in different ways on the Internet, I hope things work out for you and that you enjoy your shower.
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  • leela02leela02 member
    edited October 2014
    OP the best way to not be freaked out is to not have any expectations about what you will get at your shower. If you really need something for the baby you would have more peace of mind if you get it before your shower.

    Babies don't need a lot of expensive things. A car seat can be pricey and it is usually not recommended to buy a used one (unless you're sure it's undamaged and up to current safety standards), but everything else you can find used or cheap.
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  • roomtobreatheroomtobreathe member
    @ordinary1‌ my H is just speaking from his experience with his first child. The girl he was with was the baby of the family and got everything she wanted always had, still does. So stuff did just "show up" because the baby was having a baby. Then my now H went and put himself in debt to buy this ridiculously nice crib and furniture set for his daughter I think he paid it off shortly before we got together. So in his experience most things did magically appear. The one nice thing is now I can use the armour (sp?) that his daughter isn't using for baby stuff so that worked out nicely.
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  • roomtobreatheroomtobreathe member
    @chelseavranich‌ his daughter is 4 and we have a very good relationship with his ex. We actually have his daughters furniture and I am using part of it for baby. We have looked into converting his daughters bed into a twin (she's currently in the crib that has been converted to a toddler bed) and then find sides to use to make LO a crib so we don't have to try and find one.

    Money really is our biggest issue right now and I appreciate all the posts about what we really need vs want. I hadn't thought about craigslist yet that was a good idea.
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  • kikimeemeekikimeemee member
    edited October 2014
    For me, wedding showers entailed getting pretty much everything one needed (which became true for me) so i assumed the same for baby showers. It just took me a minute to readjust that assumption when I realized I had a baby shower list of 30 versus a wedding shower list of many more! I do hear a lot of newer moms say they didn't have to buy a thing for their baby the first year, so maybe you've heard this a lot too.

    Also, I've been to baby showers that are nearly as large as a wedding and require guests to being diapers and a gift that it starts feeling like the norm.

    Any gift is wonderfully appreciated but perhaps (like another poster said) it's time to get ready for unexpected purchases the rest of our child's life. And truly focus on NEEDS not wants.

    Buying used sounds like a great idea to me. I was recently at a Once Upon A Child store and was amazed at prices. Baby clothes for $2! And really cute stuff, too!!
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  • Michelle NMichelle N member
    OP, we can't tell you that everything is going to be OK, we don't know, and we would be doing a disservice by telling you everything will be fine. You might struggle a lot. You might find it easier than you expected. Please find the resources in your community that you are eligible for, whether or not you need to use them right away. I didn't get big items gifted to me, I got blankets, books, and clothes primarily. I hope that things work out for you.
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  • howin23howin23 member
    OP, here's what I would do:

    First, take a look at craigslist. I had initially thought I wanted to buy everything new, until my cousin requested that all her shower gifts be used. My husband and I went through our whole list and decided which things we were okay getting used. I ended up finding a great swing and a bouncer on craigslist for 60-70% off.

    Next, go check out a few local consignment shops or a Good Will. I've gotten a lot of great things at my local consignment shop, including a boppy and covers, nursing covers, a Moby Wrap, halo sleep sacks, blankets, and onesies. At my consignment shop you can even submit a wish list and get alerts. You'll probably feel a lot better once you see what's available.

    Third, ebay! I just got a bunch of great receiving blankets on ebay for $8, with shipping. If you don't end up getting enough baby clothes, you can buy a "bundle" from someone, where it's a lot of different sizes and types, and you get a big discount b/c you don't choose each piece.

    Last, get free stuff! Sign up for Enfamil (even if you're breastfeeding, you'll need some formula for an emergency), Huggies, Pampers, etc. They all send you free stuff, which means more money left over to buy what you need =).
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