Upset at Lunch

laurenf24 · October 2014

I am a stay at home mom to my 9 month old daughter. Today we met three of my old co-workers for lunch and I was able to catch up with them. Sounds nice, right? It was except for a few things that left me feeling terrible. First, per the growth chart, my daughter is short for her age- as everyone under the sun likes to point out. During lunch, one of my girlfriends stated that my daughter was so small and it seemed like she had grown much since she last saw her. The comment, "she's so tiny" was made so many times that I ended up telling them that her pediatrician is having us bring her back in a month for another length measurement because the doc wasn't happy with her length at her 9 month appointment. I am worried about my daughter and all of their commentary didn't help things. Second, when we were getting ready to leave one of them stated in a surprised voice "she's barefoot... and not wearing a jacket... and not in a baby carrier?" In my defense, (because due to their shock I feel like I need one) today's weather was 61 degrees, sunny and not very windy. I had my daughter dressed in long sleeves and long pants and didn't feel that she needed anything extra. She runs hot and her socks fall off all the time anyway. I did bring a pair with us, along with a sweater but she was fine without them. With regard to her car seat, I just took her out and carried her into the restaurant. She sits well in a high chair and I didn't realize it was so bad to carry my daughter in without the bulk of a car seat. It was nice to catch up with my friends but I left there feeling like I had just been punched in the gut. I know all I'll be able to think about for the next month is if my daughter is growing or not and after that lunch I feel like my parenting skills have taken a hit, too. Thoughts?

mommabird77 · October 2014

People always have opinions on children. What they should be dressed in, what they should look like etc. I would really try to not let it get to you. I hope your next doc appt for her goes well!

SandFHasse · October 2014

I haven't brought the baby carrier in with me since DS could sit up on his own. Try not to feel bad. Sorry they made you feel worse.

NenaMarie84 · October 2014

People have no idea what their useless comments really do especially to moms. DD always seems to have a bruise on her head and I hate it because people (aka family) say things like "Oh, is Mommy beating you?" No, she's an 8 month old who's into everything and it happens. It's terrible that people think it's ok to comment and things we are well aware and self conscious about. Chin up, Momma!

housewifebecomesher · October 2014

I have discovered that the worst part of being a mom is other moms (or other women, and their opinions). Take the good and leave the rest...I'm sure your daughter is just perfect the way she is.

growingmybun · October 2014

I think that you're being too sensitive. I'm sure that your friends were just making conversation.

MiaMyPuggle · October 2014

Others are ALWAYS better than you at parenting...or so they think. You know your child better than anyone. You do what you want to do...not what others want you to do. Let your doctor deal with LO's height issues. They will know better than those without a PhD! Sorry you're upset. Just relax and forget what the McJudgey sisters said.

peanutmuse · October 2014

Out of curiosity, are you normally a very sensitive person?

The car seat comment is ridiculous. Seriously, only an idiot would think it was EVER necessary to carry a baby around in one of those. Convenient at times? Yes, definitely. Necessary? Not ever.

bensmommy518 · October 2014

I am sorry you left lunch with your friends feeling this way. People are the best parents in the world until they have kids. Everything you have said they said I would just try to brush off. People always always comment about the size of babies - either so big or so small. Its like they cant help themselves. I wouldn't worry about what she was wearing becasue you know your baby. DS runs hot too and honestly if it were sunny and in the 60's with little to no wind, I would probably have him in shorts and a t-shirt. The car-seat thing is just too stupid to comment on - obviously they have never had a 9 month old.

I know it is hard when its people close to you making comments that leave you feeling this way but I have to tell you it will only get harder as your LO gets older if you let everything anyone says affect you this way. People will alwasy have an opinion on your kid and your parenting. Only you get to decide how you want to let those opinions affect you. Its fine to check yourself against someone who's opinion you trust but please start to trust your instincts. If you dont you will have a really rough time.

jhjocelyn · October 2014

I totally understand the pain if having people comment on how "tiny" baby is... If you need help boosting growth, I've learned a ton. It sounds like height is the only issue though, so I'd chalk it up to dumb people taking the measurements. Trust your mommy-gut!
And when people comment on choices you make, blow that off too! You know exactly why you do what you do, and that is enough.
My mom had a great expression when I was a kid getting hung up on drama she'd say let it roll, "like water off a duck's back".

laurenf24 · October 2014

Thanks to all of you who read my post and left a comment and some really good advice. I can be too sensitive at times but I just wanted to get the opinion of other mommys out there in case I was truly the one in the wrong. I appreciate everyone's time and know that my angel girl is perfect just the way she is. Fingers crossed for some growth within the next month! It's funny how much our children teach us about life when they are too young to even comprehend the lessons they're teaching!

Rebis58 · October 2014

I think it's weird that they commented on the carrier. What's wrong with having a baby out of the carrier? I rarely carry DD's car seat/carrier around with us now, that shit's heavy!

In terms of the socks and sweater, I hear ya. DD pulls her socks off all the time and seems comfortable in less layers. I would try to brush this off, if you can. It's a minor annoyance and you know your baby and whether she's comfortable or not. My mom constantly tells me DD is too hot/too cold, when she's sitting there perfectly happy. It's annoying, but I don't take it as her criticizing my mothering.

Regarding the size comments, I get why it bothers you but I doubt they meant anything by it. People constantly comment on how big DD is (I know small comments are probably more annoying than big comments especially since you're already worried, it's just kind of a typical "small talk" topic that people default to when hanging out with a new mom). It's rude of them to go on and on about it, but I don't think they meant to be hurtful.

Obviously, I don't know them and maybe they were being malicious or judgmental, but at face value I don't think they were. If you think they were actually judging you, you don't need friends like that. If you think they're just a little clueless and were making small talk, maybe try to steer the conversation away from LO next time you get together.

Rebis58 · October 2014

Oh yea forgot to add - sorry you're dealing with the stress around LO's size. Hope your next appointment goes well and puts your mind at ease!

amt0312 · October 2014

Geesh, they made some dumb comments. My DD is basically always barefoot because, yes, I am a lazy parent. I don't care. She's fine. If it were cold, I'd put something on her, but if the weather is fine then why bother. I get comments about how skinny DD is too and yes it bothers me because all I do is try to feed her and she just has better things to do. Whatever. To those people I say, "I know, its awesome I don't have to carry such a heavy baby all the time!"

And the car seat comment is asinine. She's not a newborn for crying out loud. Any such comments by people to me would have gotten an "Are you kidding me, why carry an extra 10 lbs for no reason?" out of me. Bucket seats are convenient when your baby is the weight of a feather.

Basically, my advice is to sass back at people and be slightly nasty about it. They'll eventually learn to shut up.

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