Finally! Beatrice Amelia was born in the early hours of October 1. She is one week old today! I'm just now getting back online. It's been a rough week, to be honest. Bea is very fussy and wants to eat 24/7, which is wreaking havoc on my mental state, but during daylight hours we are doing ok. At 2 am I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit.
I went in for a scheduled NST in the morning on Tuesday, September 30. They found I was having contractions (that I wasn't feeling) about every 10 minutes and that Bea's heart was decelerating with each one. Since I was overdue and scheduled for an induction on Thursday anyway, they decided to push the induction up and sent me over to L&D. I went over to the hospital and called my husband to tell him today was the day! I cried a little in registration because the administrator asked me if I was ready and I felt like I soooo wasn't. She was very sweet and came around the desk to give me a hug, which I really appreciated since my husband wasn't there yet.
After being admitted at about noon they put me into a room and checked out my current status; only a fingertip dilated. The doc discussed options with me and we decided to start with a foley bulb. During a very uncomfortable attempt to get that inserted, the doctor gave up and said I had suddenly dilated to 3 cm, so they decided to hang out a bit and see if things progressed on their own. Spoiler: they didn't. I was started on Pitocin at about 4 pm. Contractions got very intense at about 7 pm and I asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist came pretty much immediately and the epidural was in by 7:15. After about 45 minutes it becomes apparent that the epi is not working on my left side, so the anesthesiologist comes back and adjusts the needle, and suggests I turn onto my left side to get the meds flowing that way, which works like a dream. My legs being numb is a super weird sensation and by 8 pm I'm not feeling any contractions anymore. They come in to check me again at 8:20 and I'm only 5 cm dilated so they break my water. I'm already feeling weak and tired so I decide to eat a few crackers and rest a bit, enjoying the numbness.
At 11:20 they check me again and I'm dilated to an 8 and starting to feel pressure with each contraction. I have nothing to compare it to but I feel like the Pitocin must be making this all more intense. It's moving so quickly and the epidural only helped in that short time between 8 and 11. I'm sure that it would have been 10 times worse without the epi and I don't know how women go med free!
At 1 am shit gets real. I throw up the six crackers I ate and feel a bit dizzy. They give me some oxygen and the nurse calls the doctor in for a check. I'm at 10 cm at 1:30 am and ready to push. They coach me through the first push and I fail miserably, sobbing with pain and convinced I can't do this, but the nurse talks me through and I pick it up quickly after that. My nurse was so amazing, I definitely wouldn't have made it through without her. About 40 minutes into pushing my body takes over. I have very little control over when I'm pushing and how hard. This is bad. The baby is coming fast and they want me to stop pushing so I can stretch but I literally cannot stop. At 2:50 am Beatrice is born. They put her on my chest for a minute but then take her away to clear her airways and rub her down. I want to tell them to leave her with me but I'm crying too hard and the doctors are asking me to push out the after birth so I can't. She's not crying and I keep asking my husband if she's ok, and he says she is but I don't believe him because she should be crying! But she's fine. They spend a loooong time stitching me up; 45 minutes on a "pretty major" second degree internal tear. The doctors say I'm very lucky that the tear is internal (in terms of recover) but it doesn't feel lucky in the moment as I can still feel so much pressure which is painful in it's own way. Finally they give me my baby and she latches right on to start breastfeeding, which is a crazy sensation.
I'm in amazement of her and so in love, even when I'm so frustrated because she's never satisfied with how much she's nursing! I hope that this will level out soon.
S14 Remembers our Angel Babies
S14 September Siggy - Show to binge-watch when the baby comes