How to explain to MIL how breastfed babies eat

Ahlome08 · October 2014

So, even though my MIL rarely ever really watches DS, how can I explain to her that things have changed in the years since she has had children? My biggest problem with her, is, if I let her feed him, or she watches him for me, she offers him a pacifier instead of a bottle first. I have tried to tell her many times, that if he will take a paci, he is hungry. I guess just because he isn't crying, she thinks he's not hungry, because she's from the generation where babies will cry when they're hungry. I have tried to explain to her his hunger cues, but she is just really passive about everything. How can DH and I explain to her that we know our son, without making her feel like we are telling her how to raise children, which she has already done? Also, she FF and I guess she doesn't realize breastfed babies eat more often, and it's frustrating seeing my baby giving me those cues, but she ignores them and thinks "he's just talking" smh Help!

portentosa · October 2014

Since she FF maybe take that route in your explanation. Explain his hunger cues and that BM breaks down faster and easier so babies fed BM tend to need to eat more often?

Rmj1022 · October 2014

My mom breastfed us but she did the same thing when she was here, she kept making comments about how she wasn't hungry and that she didn't need to be fed and kept wanting to give her a pacifier. Very frustrating. What I did was basically say "thank you mom for being here and I appreciate all the help you're offering but please just let me decide when and how I'm going to feed my baby"... It sort of worked- she made less comments and they were more under her breath lol!

Also after she left I sent her a video of LO refusing the pacifier after we finally tried giving it to her. That was definitely more passive aggressive but after a week of criticism I just couldn't help myself.

brittneyandadam · October 2014

I have the same issue with my family. My mom, dad, and MIL all just think she's squirmy or "getting comfy" when she roots and moves her mouth. No matter how many times I tell them that those are hunger cues, they insist on waiting until she cries.

I commiserate.

CUBBIESMAMA3 · October 2014

AmyG* said:
Q: How does a mother know when to nurse her baby?
R: Babies
will often signal their need to nurse by smacking their lips, sticking out their
tongues, sucking on their hands or fingers, or turning their heads (rooting).
Fussing is also a sign. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that
mothers should offer the breast "whenever the infant shows signs of hunger such
as increased alertness, physical activity, mouthing, or rooting." Further the
AAP adds: "Crying is a late indicator of hunger." (Pediatrics, Feb.
2005).

That's good. I would definitely show that to her. There's no way in hell she'll be able to argue with that. If she still tries to, she's ignorant and stupid, plain and simple.

Ahlome08 · October 2014

Thank you all so much!!

emmylu30 · October 2014

You could also show her a video on paced bottle feeding. My MIL watched LO on or anniversary and I feel she overfed him and last night she gave him a bottle and he was choking with how quickly she was feeding him. We've told her numerous times how to bottle feed him but guess I need to take my own advice and show her the video too.

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