Unwanted Baby Shower Guests

Lmsq1611 · October 2014

So I have posted before about the insane amounts of drama from DHs family. His sisters and nieces openly begged him not to marry me and anytime we have tried to be friendly they just get nasty. It's been two and a half years since our wedding though and I have decided to include his mom, dad, brother and brothers gf in our shower plans. They are the only family who live in the state and make some slight efforts to be in our lives. My family is throwing us a coed shower before we move out of state. It will be our last chance to see family before we leave California. I told the brother's girlfriend about the shower last night bc she keeps telling me that I have to invite her once someone plans it. So she was excited and then told me that she is also going to bring her mother, her two sisters and her nieces and nephews. These are all people that me and DH have never met and we live four hours away from them. We wanted to keep this shower intimate and are focusing on the friends and family we are closest to. We already had questions about whether we even wanted his family at the shower as his mother was a horrible B at my bridal shower. Is it rude of me to tell the girlfriend that the shower is a more intimate event and not the right time to bring people we have never met?

kellbell1982 · October 2014

Not at all! It's rude of her to invite strangers? It's really odd actually. I'd tell her that there won't be enough space or food for anyone except invited guests

kellbell1982 · October 2014

I didn't mean to put a ? After my first statement and i can't edit

jess412love · October 2014

Wtf is wrong with people?! I would never in a million years respond to someone's invite to anything with "ok sweet I'm going to bring a bunch of random people with me". Who does that? I would've told her on the spot that that was a big fat no!!!

ajacot924 · October 2014

I think it is completely appropriate to tell her no. It is so rude of her to invite strangers (or anyone) to your shower.

Lmsq1611 · October 2014

Thanks ladies. We should keep in mind that she technically invited herself before there was even a shower planned, but that's beside the point. I thought about mentioning the hosts budget but for our wedding when we mentioned budget and the fact that we and my parents were the ones paying DH's family threw a shit fit. I hate that I let them get to me but I dread how the whole family will use this as another example of how I'm "unwelcoming" and "don't want to be a part of their family" even though I am inviting the ones who are actually family. I think I will tell her my family is planing something small and intimate with our closest friends and family but I look forward to meeting her family at another opportunity. Thanks again!

Lmsq1611 · October 2014

@jcar2‌ YES! Who does that?! And drives four hours south to go to the shower? For your daughter's boyfriend's brother's baby shower?!

FrecklesInside · October 2014

Well, your hosts/hostess should be handling this problem. The answer is - the only people invited are the people whose names are on the envelope. End of story. We cannot accomodate more guests than that.

I don't get why this is a question. Normal adults don't just invite other people to parties and so when people do such ridiculous and rude things, they should be told by mature adults that it is wrong (act like children, get treated like children?).

But again, your host/hostess should be explaining this to them. You shouldn't be involved.

Whitfry · October 2014

I'm a fairly non-confrontational, passive aggressive person. If this happened to me, I would speak with BIL or have DH do it, and tell him he needs to make sure his gf remains appropriate and doesn't bring along a million strangers. This might not be the best way to do it, but it's how I would handle it.

You are definitely within your rights to let her know that it's invitation only, and there are a lot of polite ways to do that.

Is it possible she doesn't actually understand the point of the coed shower and just thinks it's more of a BBQ party type thing?

thursday · October 2014

I agree with PP you or the host (Probably the host) have ever right to inform her the invite is for her and her only. My SIL at her third (yes I said third registry and all )babyshower had a lady come with her entire church group who ate all the food.

tinypug · October 2014

I would absolutely tell her that it's intimate and invite-only. I really can't believe that she'd think it's ok to invite people you've never even met to your baby shower. Ugh. If you're uncomfortable saying that yourself, ask the host to do it. Personally, when someone does something as rude/tacky as that, I don't really make an effort to tiptoe around their feelings.

LBeez13 · October 2014

Maybe if you don't want it to seem like any of this is coming from you just have your husband ask his brother if him and his gf are coming. Then when his brother tells him that his gf was planning on bringing others then your husband can explain that you were trying to keep this small. At least that way it doesn't come across as only you being "uninviting" or "unwelcoming"

I do think it is crazy that random people would want to go to someones shower that they don't even know.

Disneygeek77 · October 2014

Dude, that is so weird. Why on earth would she think that is ok ?

I would simply say " I'm sorry, but we are keeping the guest list small and to only close friends and family."

It would probably be better if that came from your husband though.

mergish · October 2014

Yes it's weird. My MIL planned a shower for our first child and invited aunts/cousins from her side. One cousin showed up with a random friend who talked non-stop about how hard her two births were and all about their first year. People tried to ignore her but she was really loud. It was really odd the cousin brought her and why would she want to come to a party for someone she doesn't know anyway- I've never seen her since. My MIL was baffled at why this lady came.

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