Healing nursery projects

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just asking for it by setting things up in the nursery. Then I think 'oh the universe wouldn't be THAT cruel' ...famous last words.
But, I have to be a believer. It's the only way I know how to get up each day, face each day, and sleep each night. I have to believe this baby is mine forever.

One of the biggest problems I have is referring to his room as "Finn's room" ...because, well, it IS Finn's room, though now it's also Oliver's room, and it's going to be Oliver's room forever.

I've found myself working on a few name projects. I hope by seeing his name, and making these things for him that I'll be able to adjust from losing one boy and welcoming another.

Last night I made Oliver a plush name sign for his door. No stencils, I just free hand drew the letters on fabric and sewed them together - so it's a little wonky, but I like it that way ..home made by his mum with love.

I'm sure I'm not alone here. Who else has trouble facing the nursery for a new baby? Anyone else working on projects that help them heal?

pblge · October 2014

Lovely! You're very talented.

Do you have something in the nursery that commemorates (not sure if that's the right word, sorry) Finn? I bet Oliver will appreciate having something from his big brother in there!

carlsonbaby2014 · October 2014

Beautiful

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

@pblge‌ A couple months before Finn was born our dream house came on the market - we were the lucky buyers, and found ourselves unexpectedly moving just before He was born.
In the nursery in our previous house we had an artist come in and ain't a beautiful blue sky with soft white clouds on the ceiling. We had planned to have him come in and paint the same in the nursery..., but lost Finn so soon, and it just never happened.

I've decided to have the artist come back now and paint the same sky for Oliver..
The artist had cleverly added subtle things in the clouds, like a bunny shape, and a heart.. So I'm going to ask if he can add Finn's name in the clouds this time. That way Oliver can always look up and see his brother's name in the clouds floating over him.

❤️

alleycat39 · October 2014

What a beautiful project! I love it!

pblge · October 2014

dragonfly1809 said:

@pblge‌ A couple months before Finn was born our dream house came on the market - we were the lucky buyers, and found ourselves unexpectedly moving just before He was born. In the nursery in our previous house we had an artist come in and ain't a beautiful blue sky with soft white clouds on the ceiling. We had planned to have him come in and paint the same in the nursery..., but lost Finn so soon, and it just never happened. I've decided to have the artist come back now and paint the same sky for Oliver.. The artist had cleverly added subtle things in the clouds, like a bunny shape, and a heart.. So I'm going to ask if he can add Finn's name in the clouds this time. That way Oliver can always look up and see his brother's name in the clouds floating over him. ❤️

That sounds beyond beautiful! :x

E&B0811 · October 2014

Oliver's name sign is beautiful and the idea for the clouds is perfect. (((hugs)))

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

@RN536‌ I've thought about that too - what to say to little ones about their siblings we've lost. It's hard.

Here, Finn is everywhere. His photo hangs in every room (along with other family photos). Finn is a big part of every day around here. That will never change.

I plan to be very honest with Oliver from the beginning, talking about Finn, showing photos, and explaining that he died.

It's the only way I know how..tell it like it is.

Not what I expected in parenting, that's for sure.

Roxycc55 · October 2014

Very cute. I think it's a great idea for you. It's been helping me I know. I was going to share with you, I got a dragonfly mobile from
Etsy because I thought it was a sweet way to symbolize Arabella 'watching over' baby Kai.

Thought it may be an idea up your alley too.

I can send you a link if you're interested. You can specify your colors for it, etc.

ETA: I just read the replies and noticed the awesome cloud painting you will be doing. Sounds beautiful

Mel&John2013 · October 2014

That is beautiful, and what a wonderful idea! I've been struggling with the same thing, with how to turn the nursery into a room for someone other than lincoln. I love the idea of small steps like adding the new baby's name. Thank you so much for sharing!

christia10 · October 2014

@Dragonfly1809 I cannot exactly relate to what you are saying but I think it is very beautiful and poetic.

I had some items from a few pregnancies that I was going to give to LOs but alas they are no longer here.

One time when I was PG I made my DH a "Daddy toolkit" really cute! A toolbox stuffed with baby items! Anyway I threw it all away. I put toolbox on side of the road and trashed onesies. My DH I guess did go out there and grab a couple items. He saved them and only recently told me lol. Oh DH!

BackstreetPixie · October 2014

Oh my gosh that is so cute! I love it.
::hugs:: i still feel a bit guilty every once in a while and find it difficult to ever feel excited rather than nervous. I'm not looking forward to some of the questions and other things people will say (well meaning even) that will hurt.

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

@Roxycc55‌ I'd love to see the dragonfly mobile you have

That sounds lovely..., (obviously) I really love what dragonflies symbolize - always so peaceful - I think they're a great addition to any nursery, even more special when connecting siblings.

I actually started making needlefelted dragonfly mobiles shortly after Finn died - as gifts for people who were instrumental in getting us through those first few really hard days and weeks.
Mine are made up of 11 dragonflies (for the days he lived) dangling off a needlefelted twig with a few leaves.

I'll be making a special one for Oliver

I've seen them made with paper cut outs - amazing creations with swarms of dragonflies all fluttering together. They're beautiful.
I did order a bunch of paper dragonfly cut outs to try to make one, but I've not attempted that craft yet.

(I might have s mild addiction to crafts and Etsy.. )

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

@RN536‌
HUGS
Although I'm not a believer in the god and heaven thing (sort of ironic because I have two minors in Religious Studies) I respect everyone's beliefs.

I think of it as Finn being everywhere.., he's in the air and the wind, he grows in my garden with all the plants I've planted for him, he's with me in numbers, and in the ways the light shines in the house (sun beams and street lights seem to always land on his photos or his things laying around)..
When I speak of where he is, I say "he's in my heart"

xo

ETA
Geez. I'm sounding all romantic like a Wordsworth poem... LOL.. It's just one of those mornings I guess heh heh..

JuddandJessica · October 2014

LOVE LOVE LOVE! Way to go Momma.

I did the same thing. Most notably a few pieces of art on his walls with words. They include (in a RAINBOW of green) the lyrics to somewhere over the rainbow, "for this child I prayed", "so many smiles begin with you", "I love you to the moon and back", "Life is breathtakingly beautiful", and "You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint. You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled".

NoeliaV · October 2014

I love Oliver's name decoration, and your idea to have Finn's name in the cloud to watch over him.

blackbird818 · October 2014

dragonfly1809 said:

@pblge‌ A couple months before Finn was born our dream house came on the market - we were the lucky buyers, and found ourselves unexpectedly moving just before He was born. In the nursery in our previous house we had an artist come in and ain't a beautiful blue sky with soft white clouds on the ceiling. We had planned to have him come in and paint the same in the nursery..., but lost Finn so soon, and it just never happened. I've decided to have the artist come back now and paint the same sky for Oliver.. The artist had cleverly added subtle things in the clouds, like a bunny shape, and a heart.. So I'm going to ask if he can add Finn's name in the clouds this time. That way Oliver can always look up and see his brother's name in the clouds floating over him. ❤️

This is so beautiful and special. I teared up reading this. (((hugs))) Momma

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

@Happyin14‌
HUGE HUGS.

I can only imagine your shoes. I'm so so sorry to read you lost your in-laws as well. I think about you and Jack often.., I just want to hug you.

I think there are some topics that are awkward (for lack of a better word) to bring up - they make me sad to say or write, and others uncomfortable.., but I've found that from the beginning of this new life after loss that I've become far less inhibited - possibly too much sometimes. I think my words are far more honest now than before losing Finn.

My mom died (breast cancer) in May 2013, Finn in September...
I've also been trying to find ways to keep Finn in the room, and include my mother.

Though it's not a giraffe theme, I have a few special giraffes in the room - most important is a little corduroy giraffe that belonged to my mother when she was a toddler. She saved it and gave it to me about ten years ago. I put it in a shadow box and it now hangs on the wall near the crib.

I love all the things you're doing to keep your loved ones close. It's such a beautiful thing to do.

longcat07 · October 2014

oh that's lovely! you're so talented! i have plenty of nursery projects and...to be perfectly honest, i'm anticipating they'll be a lot of fun and really scary at the same time. my loss was very early, but i know that there are no guarantees in life, even when baby is in your arms. the scary factor has me procrastinating on my nursery things (i have yarn to make an afghan, i'd like to make valences and a crib skirt, some wall art, and a stuffie from a shirt or something of SO's mother's, since she passed away in june) by making things for two friends of mine who are both expecting 3rd babies (one is 3 for 3 on boys, the other 3 for 3 on girls). i'm also being enabled by the fact that SO and i have been using the nursery as our own bedroom, since our actual bedroom is in the basement which was torn up to fix leaks. the leaks are fixed now, and we have an estimate for fixing the walls and replacing the carpet in hand...just need to sign the contract and send the deposit. we should be able to move into our own bedroom and start working on the nursery by just after halloween. i took a big step today and picked up a bunch of paint chips at home depot today, so we could figure out what color we want. scary stuff.

i'm so glad that channeling your emotions into working on stuff for baby oliver has been helping you heal, and i love the idea of having that artist come back and paint some clouds for finn on oliver's ceiling.