Baby Shower Host Issue

ajacot924 · October 2014

A friend of mine offered to host a baby shower for me when I first announced my pregnancy. She hasn't mentioned it again. I'm completely grateful for the offer and totally understand that she is not at all obligated to do anything for me. That being said, if she doesn't mention it again, should I ask her about it or just take her not mentioning it as that she is no longer interested in hosting?

kellbell1982 · October 2014

No you shouldn't ask about it at all. A baby shower Is a gift not a right and usually are a surprise that the mom to be is uninvolved in

Lmsq1611 · October 2014

I think it's okay to mention it to her in a nice way. It might offend her if you have someone else plan a shower without her input. But definitely let her know that it's 100% okay to not plan it to. And tell her how much you appreciate her offer.

kellbell1982 · October 2014

Lmsq1611 said:
I think it's okay to mention it to her in a nice way. It might offend her if you have someone else plan a shower without her input. But definitely let her know that it's 100% okay to not plan it to. And tell her how much you appreciate her offer.

Why would she ask anyone else to host it for her ? She might as well throw her own! If someone throws it for you or offers to then that's great but otherwise I think it's tacky to ask someone to throw you a gift party.

stine28 · October 2014

Did you accept the offer? Maybe she is waiting for a formal acceptace before she jumps into planning mode. If the offer is still "in the air" I think it's fair to bring it up to officially accept, after you ask if she's still interested due to the long delay.

Lmsq1611 · October 2014

I didn't mean she would ask someone else but someone else might offer. I've had multiple people ask me about showers. In my hometown my aunt and sister in-law are working together. In the town I currently live in I have just directed anyone who asks to offer help to the first friend who offered and was really excited by the idea. I don't want to offend her by telling someone else they can be involved when I'm not personally involved in it.

jap618 · October 2014

kellbell1982 said:

No you shouldn't ask about it at all. A baby shower Is a gift not a right and usually are a surprise that the mom to be is uninvolved in

I disagree. I don't think it's rude to bring it up again under the right circumstances. For example, if someone else offers to host, I would want to double check with the original person to see if they still had anything in mind because someone else had asked about hosting. It would be super awkward if 2 people are planning the same event for you and plan to invite the same group of women. Depending on who it is they may be from different social circles but want to include each other and you may be the middle man.

However, I wouldn't just bring it up in a "So, you're still throwing my baby shower right?" because that would be tacky and rude.

If it were a close enough friend or family member that is offering (and I'm aware I may be flamed for this) I would bring it up again. Again, I'd come from a, "I don't expect anything or need anything; I'm just trying to plan" place. Knowing that this is my first, my parents first grandchild and my friends and family know our struggles I know there are a lot of people excited to celebrate with us. These people would be offended if I went and bought everything on my own and didn't allow them to "oooh and awww" over all of the baby stuff. No I don't need or expect them to buy anything but if I knew I wasn't having a shower I would be buying one item a week and one big item a month when DH gets paid (monthly) rather than doing it all in month 9 or at the last minute.

At this point I'm just rambling so hopefully this makes sense.

071115 · October 2014

She probably hasn't started planning yet I would just wait. If you wanted to bring it up without brining it up you could say " I saw this cute game or cake or whatever for the shower what do you think of it".

mangomimosa · October 2014

I would only bring it up if someone else offers to host.

FrecklesInside · October 2014

Why would this come up again so freaking soon? The party isn't happening for months. It was early for an offer as it is. I wouldn't worry about anything yet.

kcbizme · October 2014

It's never too early to start planning! (Type A personality here). My host is already asking for a guest list but then again, she's just like me. Also, I specifically said I don't expect anyone to throw me a shower when she asked if I wanted one. She had to ask me 3 or 4 times before I even agreed to let her. If she wants to, she will ask again. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

jnowosielski · October 2014

Honest question. Do people have surprise showers anymore?

Stargirlb · October 2014

Around here showers are pretty casual and happen near the end or even after the baby is born. It wouldn't take more than a month to plan a shower and send out invites. If your family has offered too, I'd let them do a family one (assuming you have a large enough family,) and have your other friend do a friends one of she still is up to it.

Skrittens · October 2014

@jnowosielski‌ - I believe I am having a surprise shower. A friend asked me when and where my shower is and my H quickly jumped in and said he would send her the details and not to mention it to me again. I made my H swear he was not throwing me a shower - we are pretty new to the area and my BFFs and my family live far away.

rm2013 · October 2014

Personally I would not bring it up unless someone else wanted to throw or help with the shower. I'd do it very casually and totally open if things had changed and she wasn't able to.

bdazzld · October 2014

I'd give it some time but should someone from the same group offer-perhaps check in with her casually. Me and another friend threw our mutual friends shower together but it still ended up costing a bundle. Mom to be asked that it be co-ed so it ended being 40 or more people. I think sharing the role is a lovely way to defray the cost so your friend may feel the same.

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