AL hug please?

misternmiss · October 2014

It's been too long since I've posted here, but I still just hate mobile Bump. I'm always lurking, though.

I needed to return to my "home" with my ladies that understand it all, this AL world we live in.

So I'm in this cloth diapering group on FB, and lately there's been a rash of ladies posting pee sticks, asking if they're positive.

I felt like I was back in TTC. So naturally, some women speak up about the sensivity of posting pee sticks and how, even though it's a cloth diapering group where mamas have babies, it's best suited for other forums. (ie, BabyGaga, BabyCenter, etc) It turns into an ugly debate between the Clueless about Loss ladies and the AL ladies. (And their supporters)
I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Some women are just so unaware and blissfully ignorant to how hurtful a term like "baby dust" can be, or how cruel it is to hear "why can't you just be happy for them?" And trying to explain, reason, rationalize is like talking to a brick wall.
It's good to feel not-so-alone here with you ladies. I have a dream that, one day, all women will recognize and become sensitive to how difficult this journey really is. And we'll all be kind to one another and respect one another. Until then, I guess I'll keep dreaming. And arguing with the unaware on FB.

twotexans · October 2014

(((hugs))) I was trying to explain this to one of my sister's friends the other day. She just did not get it. Honestly I don't think my sister really gets it either, and she had a loss. Lately I've struggled with the realization that I will not have another child, but in that struggle there is a strange relief. It's the relief of knowing that I won't have to face the possibility of losing a pregnancy either.

Mom2anAngel2 · October 2014

((HUGS)). Some people will just never understand. I think I find it even more frustrating when they are even judgmental of an explanation as to why it can be hurtful. Most people I know IRL just don't get it, and probably never will.

BootsOrHearts · October 2014

Sorry you're dealing with that but it's great to see you!

BootsOrHearts · October 2014

And hugs!

KikiCohen · October 2014

Huge hugs! I feel like same way as @mamalamb10. I thought pregnancy announcements would be easier, but they're not. I was okay for awhile, but now it's overwhelming. There are three pregnant women in my family and our BMB has had a huge wave of BFPs. They all seem so carefree and it hurts

FmrAFBrat · October 2014

I'm so sorry.

On the AL boards sticky baby posts are hurtful to me. My first baby was so sticky I lost my tube as well as the baby. I don't want a sticky baby. I like viable babies.

Wifey xo · October 2014

Hugs...and welcome home, Mama

kateitho · October 2014

((hugs)) I'm a member of Fluff Love and CD Science on FB, and the off topic page has had a flood of positive pee sticks lately. There were actually 12 in one day about a week ago. On top of it being hard to see the naive excitement, I feel shitty for my thoughts. All I could think that whole day was "Odds are that 4 of those women will lose their babies." Loss puts pregnancy in a whole different light. ((hugs)) again.

One a brighter note, I thought I'd share my first attempt at making a fitted/prefold and my little guy in his first CD with another Fluff Mama!

misternmiss · October 2014

Ahhhhhhhh, what a breath of fresh air to be "back home," as @""Wifey xo"‌ put it.

@twotexans‌, I am always most amazed by women who have experienced loss and still just don't get it. (my sister) And I'm sending you some huge (((HUGS.))) You've got yourself a special girl; it's a shame there cannot be more.

@mamalamb10‌ @KikiCohen‌ , I thought it would be easier, too. But I think that sting will be there forever. I can PM you the name of the group; I was pretty vocal in several posts and it would be very obvious to figure out who I am. I don't want any creepy lurkers stalking to find out who I am.

@Mom2anAngel2‌, YES! Their defense when I explained why their comments were hurtful just made them seem ignorant. So frustrating!

@FmrAFBrat‌, huge (((HUGS))) back to you. I think it's so important to open people's eyes to the fact that these "common" terms can be very hurtful and bring back some really raw pain. I would have never thought about the effects of saying "sticky baby," so it's a term I'm going to avoid using from now on.

@kateitho‌, that's so crazy that you've experienced the same influx of pee sticks in your group. (different from the one I'm referring to) Either it's the same women trying to get as much attention from as many different FB groups as possible, or there are some major trolls out there. What makes me sick is that so many more women were sticking up for the pee-stick-posters and their rainbow-shitting unicorn friends than were supporting those that were just trying to educate and raise awareness. We were awful for trying to take away their excitement just because we had a bad experience.
The comment I made was that a pregnant woman will get 9 months of excitement and beyond, once their baby is born. But a bereaved woman will get maybe a few days or weeks of sympathy, if their lucky. Then they're forced to move on and get over it. I said I was breaking the silence because that does not seem fair at all. One woman told me I should "just stay silent." o_o
***what material did you use for your diaper? You should share the pattern with me. Amazing job!!!***

Thanks ladies for all the hugs and warm welcome back.

misternmiss · October 2014

@BootsOrHearts, awesome GIF, as usual.

LunaBug924 · October 2014

Big (((Hugs))).

I agree that even having my rainbow doesn't dull that pain I feel when I hear of other people's pregnancies. That is a wound that will never heal, and so many people just don't understand.

It is good to see you around these parts!

Junebug060609 · October 2014

Hugs. It's something that I don't think people 'get' unless they've been there.

Just this week I had a bro/SIL announce they were pregnant for a third time (they have two kids at home). They *think* they are 5 weeks, haven't even had an appointment yet. They've told their kids (ages 4 and 2). I was talking with my mom and mentioned that I hoped the pregnancy works out for them. ::crickets:: My mom actually has had a m/c (32+ years ago), but it's like sometimes people don't like to be reminded that sometimes things don't workout all sunshine and roses. I can't help but go there, I've had a very different experience with early pregnancy, hell with pregnancy and parenting in general, than this SIL has. (Her: 3 pregnancies, 2 kids at home, both delivered at 40+ weeks with no complications, and one on the way. Me: 4 pregnancies. 2 were m/c and the other 2 ended up high risk in 3rd Tri...and just for good measure one of the kids I have at home is SN's whereas their kids are not). Anyways, my point is that you can't help but go there if it's your frame of reference.

2redtulips · October 2014

I am sorry you had to deal with the cluelessness. Big hugs!!

kateitho · October 2014

@misternmiss I used a flannel receiving blanket and an old towel... I'm cheap, and receiving blankets are useless except as burp rags. I got the pattern from Adventures in Fluff. I used the receiving blanket in place of the t-shirt, and you can also use 6-8 layers of receiving blanket in place of the towel for less bulk.

kateitho · October 2014

@mamalamb10 I basically use the off topic page with them and the b/s/t page. I handle my diaper laundry like my SIL taught me. She cloth diapered 3 kids, and I trust her. I think there are a million different wash routines, ad they all work for different skin types and diaper styles.

SunshinyLees · October 2014

Hi love! I had a similar argument in a local fb mommys group and in the end nothing I or my fellow loss supporters could say would make this one chick understand that her comments were incredibly insensitive. I was so infuriated I ended up leaving the group. I hardly have enough time as it is working ft with a 15 month old to be wasting precious time in a group with women so oblivious and ignorant. Ugh!!!!!!!!!
Good for u for saying something and sorry u had to deal with that shite.((hugs)) I feel ya.
I'm not here that often either but I'm glad I chose today to lurk. Love ya long time sweets :x

misternmiss · October 2014

Not only am I feeling all the love and hugs, and feel so much better being back home, but it feels so good to see all my AL friends again. I really missed you ladies!

km_md · October 2014

Hi MNM!!! Good to see you around these parts

I am a member of a bunch of CD groups on FB and I can't believe the kind of stuff that gets posted either. Good for you for sticking up for loss moms!

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