Feeling lost...

whbarry · October 2014

Today was finally my first U/S appointment. We are 9weeks3days and this is our first pregnancy. After u/s and waiting for doctor, we were told that there's no heartbeat and things are progressing as they should. I now have to decide on a d and c or letting nature take its course. I feel so lost.... Looking for any advice/suggestions on coping.

sml72978 · October 2014

I had the same thing happen 3 times. I slowed it to happen on its own with the first one and 3rd one. Did the D&C the second one and it felt so impersonal and rushed. Both were uncomfortable but personally I preferred allowing it to happen on its own. Sorry for your loss.

sml72978 · October 2014

Oh and forgot to mention I have 2 healthy kids and one more on the way. So it will happen for you! My second pregnancy gave me my beautiful 13 yo daughter! It was tough coping at first but know it's nothing you did and simply your body's way of saying something just wasn't right.

Ballet80 · October 2014

I am so very sorry.

Ballet80 · October 2014

I am so very sorry.

texasmama15 · October 2014

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you, take care of yourself.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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gypsyheart85 · October 2014

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

trislee · October 2014

I'm so very sorry.

Poppy715 · October 2014

sml72978 said:
Oh and forgot to mention I have 2 healthy kids and one more on the way. So it will happen for you! .

Please refrain for sentiments like this. I know you mean the best but you have no way of knowing how her journey will turn out. Your story and hers have nothing to to with one another.

Op I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never had a m/c so I can't give you my thoughts on the procedure but I know the loss of a baby. It's unlike anything else in this world. Go with whatever option feels comfortable and like a good fit for you. The mc and pg loss board can help you decide if you are unsure. It's a really supportive place fresh after a loss. Take care of yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

ambarnett1 · October 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss

Pintobean39 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had 5 miscarriages and 3 D&C's. It's not easy, try to take care of yourself. Feel free to ask if you have any questions. There is also a miscarriage and loss board that I found helpful after my 1st miscarriage last year.

kj808 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. Besides being with my husband I found comfort in miscarriage and loss boards. It helped me to know that other people knew exactly what I was going through. Please take care.

littlecookie · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had both a D&C and cytotec. I don't think I personally could have just waited since it could happen anytime. I don't have any complaints about my surgery or the pill. Thinking of you as you decide and again so sorry for your loss

mrsb628 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. T&P with you.

staccajaye · October 2014

I am so very sorry for your loss x

nikiswimr · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. This may be obvious but are you certain you are 9 weeks and 3 days? Could you have ovulated late? I wish you didn't have to deal with this.

bluewavegirl · October 2014

I'm so so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me in June this year at 8.5 weeks and I measured 2 weeks behind with no heartbeat. It was my first pregnancy. We were devastated and I felt completely lost too. I did a lot of research and ended up deciding to have the d&c. After 2 weeks of limbo, at that point all I wanted to do was grieve and move on as quickly as possible. The doctors and nurses were very very kind. At least in my situation, I really appreciated the encouraging stories from others (like from Sml) that gave me hope that I could hopefully go on and have a healthy pregnancy in the future. Everyone feels better in many different ways and having experienced a similar mmc, the prosect of a better outcome in the future got me through a terrible time. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Many many many hugs.

kate6214 · October 2014

So sorry for your loss. I had a D&C with both of my MMC. It's ok to grieve. (((Hugs))) feel free to PM if you have questions about the D&C if you end up going that route.

whbarry · October 2014

Yes they are certain. I measured two weeks behind and no heartbeat. Thank you all for the encouragement. I will check out the pregnancy loss board for sure.

mustlovedogs63 · October 2014

Op I understand your pain so much. I had similar news on Thursday. I'm heartbroken and have been seeking comfort in my dh and puppies, but i find myself obsessing and angry at times. I still have to do one more ultrasound to confirm but I'm already counting it as a loss. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself

MrsKindy40 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss! Take care of yourself.

MrsLolaSky · October 2014

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for your loss!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

evakatharina · October 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

shirleymaeby · October 2014

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I found out today that I am in the same situation and I chose to have the procedure. I'd rather get it over with so I can try again rather than waiting an indeterminate amount of time for it to happen naturally.

What we are doing is not actually a D&C, it's called an MUA (manual uterine aspiration) and it involves suction rather than scraping like a D&C. This means that we can start trying again a lot faster than if we had a D&C because there is less risk of infection. Maybe you can ask if this is offered where you live.

23Tez23 · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.

Pumpkin_Princess · October 2014

I'm sorry that you are going through this. T&PS for you and your family.

SnowWifey · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers.

nykkybaby · October 2014

I have felt lost before too. I am so sorry you are in this moment. With my first miscarriage I chose to let nature take it's course. It was emotionally and physically painful. I chose a d and c on loss number three, and felt it was more comforting to be in good care.

If your heart is hurting please seek out the loss boards. You aren't alone and sometimes the comfort of a husband just isn't enough. Please feel free to contact me if you need to talk.

babydefeo · October 2014

I unfortunately went thru the same thing in 2004. It was the hardest decision to make but we decided to have the d&c because the whole waiting it out I couldn't take.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · October 2014

I have no other advice to give, but I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

mlbrooks619 · October 2014

So sorry for your loss. I also had a MC that showed growth stopped at 9 weeks, I found out at about 9 weeks 5 days. I had a normal U/S at my 7-7.5 week U/S with a good HB and everything but there was no HB at my next U/S. My doctor suggested a D&C for anyone over 9 weeks due to risk of bleeding with a natural MC especially since I wasn't showing any signs or symptoms of a MC. So I was scheduled a few days later. I have never went through a natural MC so I can't speak for that, but I feel like the D&C was the best choice for me. The recovery was easy, I think I mentally was able to move on faster than waiting it out. This is just my personal opinion from my experience but do what is right for you.

whbarry · October 2014

I decided a D and C was the right choice for me. I go tomorrow. Requesting thoughts and prayers and sending you all well wishes! -Whitney

SchoolPsychSteph · October 2014

I'm so sorry, friend. You will see pregnancy differently now. With my last miscarriage in July, it happened naturally. Be easy on yourself. Rest, grieve, be active, whatever feels right to you. Big hugs.

EIsieMae · October 2014

I've got no advice, but I did want to say that I am so sorry for your loss.

CateOfChicago · October 2014

Very sorry for your loss. I had a loss a few years ago. I recommend a d&c for a few reasons. 1. They can do testing. My dr suggested it. I didn't like the idea of doing it but it helped me to find out that there were chromosomal issues that I couldn't control. It wasn't my fault. It was very rare and unlikely to happen again which allowed me to worry less in my next pregnancy. 2. I was also able to find out the sex. I would have always wondered. Now I know and can mourn for her. They told DH and I asked him not to tell me until I asked a few months later when I was ready. 3. It makes the physical healing process much faster. A friend of mine had a loss a year before me. She let things happen naturally for religious reasons and she regretted it. She had months of bleeding and pain. It made the whole emotional process drag on as well. She said she felt like she was miscarrying every day for months. I was unsure about a d&c but she convinced me to do so. As pp said, a d&c is very cold and procedural. It was by far the worst day of my life. However, I was able to heal much faster both physically and emotionally. Best of luck.

whbarry · January 2015

May 2015 moms--- thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts!! It was a hard holiday season to get through, but we made it. I wish you all the best! -Whitney

katlarissa · January 2015

My prayers are with you, @whbarry. I went through this in May, and I still grieve for my little "Appleseed" baby. So tiny, yet so dear.
A few months ago, I had a necklace engraved with the date of the loss, and I wear it always. It has helped me some, because there is a part of me that will never forget or move completely past that sadness, and having the date right next to my heart is an encouragement.

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