Angry, upset, don't know how to feel.

jemmamac · October 2014

My story is short. My pregnancy was short, but it doesn't make it any less special.

I'm 24 years old. I found out I was pregnant on September 10th. I was going in to have sinus surgery. Before they started to prep me for anesthesia, they gave me a pregnancy test. It turned out to be the biggest shock of my life. My boyfriend and parents were in the waiting room thinking I was having surgery, but their minds were just as blown as mine. We were scared to death, but so excited. My sister is pregnant, so I was excited to have a child where cousins would be so close in age. I told my sister, who was less than excited for me. She felt that I was stealing her first pregnancy from her. Nonetheless, my boyfriend and I were still excited. We had no clue how far along I was since it was unexpected. My doctor wouldn't see me for another month, so I was basically guessing and checking Google as to what I should and shouldn't be doing.

The end of my pregnancy started on October 1st. I was at work and started to have cramps resembling period cramps. I got extremely lightheaded, started to spot a tiny bit, and was close to fainting. Instead, I threw up. I thought it was my first bout of morning sickness, because I never had any symptoms except sore boobs. I left work early and slept it off, thinking I just needed to nap. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to see I was starting to bleed, just like I had read online about miscarriages. I called my doctor, who told me to just wait til the morning, that everything was probably fine, except the cramps started to get worse. I was to the point where I couldn't stand up.

My dad drove me to the hospital, where they told me I was 6-7 weeks. My cervix was beginning to open and I was going to miscarry. Over the last couple days, it's happened naturally.

I'm so mad at everything. I am having a hard time going out in public. Seeing my sister, who is 23-24 weeks pregnant makes it so much worse. I'm just not sure how to cope when I have to watch my sister go through everything I'm supposed to go through. I feel lost, and devastated. My boyfriend has tried to be as supportive as possible, but he has no clue what this is like. My friends have no idea. I just feel alone.

xraychick01 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think we all feel pretty much the same way at some point...angry, upset, sad, etc. It's completely natural. And while most people may not know how it feels, we do here. I think I'm finally nearing the end of my natural mc. I think I'm starting to come to terms with it but it's still heart breaking. Every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman it reminds me of what I lost. Hang in there. Everyone here is greatly supportive and understanding. Hugs.

hlb622 · October 2014

You're not alone. ((hugs)) So sorry you're going through this.

hlb622 · October 2014

You're not alone. ((hugs)) So sorry you're going through this.

GingerPop79 · October 2014

You're not alone. So sorry for your loss. The range of emotions you're feeling are completely normal and you'll probably experience them for some time. Let yourself experience them. Hugs to you.

flyoffeve · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. (hugs) It does hurt to see other pg women. I remember having to go to my SIL baby shower around the time I should have had it with my first pg (mc). It was tough, especially because none of them knew.

shirleymaeby · October 2014

I am so sorry you're going through this. Even if you don't have physical people around you who understand or even know what you are experiencing, know that you are not alone. This internet stranger feels your pain and wants you to know that it's okay to be upset and jealous right now. Take care of yourself.

whbarry · October 2014

Got the awful news today at my first appointment

hang in there. You are not alone

mustlovedogs63 · October 2014

Although my mc isn't fully confirmed, I know it is imminent and I have the same anger and bitterness. I even had a panic attack when I saw a pregnancy announcement on Facebook thinking that should have been me. You are not alone. Take care of yourself

jemmamac · October 2014

It means a lot to have all these strangers come to you and show they're there. I'm glad I have people that care, even though it's not the people around me =\

kyliehopeful · October 2014

I feel the same way, it's great to find other women who understand how your feeling and are willing to listen. It's such a different journey that friends and family find hard to understand, unless they have also experienced this type of loss. I'm so sorry for your loss.

nikiswimr · October 2014

I understand what you're feeling. You aren't alone. I had to cancel weekend plans with my pregnant friend after my appointment today. I don't know when I'll be ready to see her, thank god she understands.

4N6s · October 2014

You're not alone. We are all here for you.
It sucks. That's all I can say... It just freakin sucks.
You can get through this and you will.

Be happy for your sister, your time will come and it'll be great!

LilLizzy1487 · October 2014

I am currently enduring a nearly confirmed MC. I am sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. I was at 4 weeks, 2 days and although my baby was not but a speck, it was still my baby. I am on day two of my MC and I have yet to return to work. I work in customer service and a lot of my regular customers are pregnant. That makes me scared that I will break down at work and I don't want to be angry with these women. What happened was not their fault or mine, or anyone else's. But, at this point I feel that it makes no difference. I am still too upset.

I went out shopping with my mom today and saw some pregnant women, babies, and baby clothing and was able to keep myself calm but it was hard. I suppose I will have to go back to work on Monday but it does worry me. All I can think is I can't wait to get pregnant again but then I almost instantly get sad because I should just be pregnant now. I only had a couple weeks knowing that my baby existed and I feel that the baby was taken from me too soon, even though the earlier the better, I suppose.

I understand how complicated and confusing the feelings you are going through are. And I have found nothing but wonderful support from the people here, who although they are strangers, are the only people I have that actually know what I'm going through and what you are going through.

If you can, keep talking on here when you need to. It will help. ((Hugs and thoughts for you))

BostonGayGal · October 2014

You are not alone. I am so sorry. I am miscarrying for the second time and I want to crawl into a hole and just cry and cry and cry.

Talk to us. We will listen.

lycih · October 2014

You're not alone; even if you don't have anyone to talk to IRL, you're not alone. It is really hard, and some days will continue to be worse than others, but some days will get better. So sorry you have to be here.

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