And Another Intro...and stories wanted

Buckles0528 · October 2014

Hi everyone. I am not technically a "working mom" yet, I am about 6 weeks pregnant. I have always worked since I was 14 and I have a million questions going through my mind. My husband is in the Army so we constantly move and right now my position isn't as great as some of my previous have been. I did the math and if I use day care to go back to work I will net about $800 a month (not proud of this, we live in the middle of nowhere). My question is....did anyone else have a threshold for deciding if they will go back or not? Does anyone work JUST to get out of the house and talk to adults? I've always been in the camp of, "Even if I break even I am earning seniority and raises" but now I am not sure. I know everyone is different so I am just looking for personal stories. I look forward to contributing!

jtmomma13 · October 2014

My salary pays for our health insurance and while we share a bank account for some reason I always count daycare out of my paycheck. I end up bringing home enough money out of my paycheck after daycare and insurance so that's a win. But if I was breaking even then I would still be working because we need the health insurance.

I think if it was costing us more money for me to actually work I would end up looking for a new job. We are a two income family.

justjinny · October 2014

MH & I would be able to find a way to be ok financially if either one of us decided not to work and wanted to stay home full time. (We would have to make some lifestyle adjustments, but could find a way)

We are both the type of people who need the adult interaction & independence that our careers give us. We also both enjoy our jobs and have earned a level of flexibility that gives us enough time to spend with family. For me it's not so much about the money as it is about the other things I get from working outside of the home that made me want to continue working after having a LO.

(Congrats on your pregnancy! Hope you have a H&H 9 months.)

minirella · October 2014

We have discussed it. I will have a set of twins in December, so 3 children total with the twins needing daycare. I'm a nurse and went back to doing that part-time and reduced my time and effort at my regular day job. Being able to have an alternate schedule will help decrease the costs of childcare after they are here (and this hospital is in need of RNs so me being 6 months pregnant wasn't a concern).

Buckles0528 · October 2014

800 a month is 9600 a year. Assuming you have no more children and go back to work when LO is 5, thats 48,000

-This is exactly how I normally think so thanks for the reminder. I think the overwhelming amount of details to work out in the next 8.5 months clouded my thought process.

MommyAtty · October 2014

Don't discount that you also may be a better mom as a working mom. I am. By far. Although there's this belief that "normal" is every mom caring for her kids, that's actually a very short-term way things were, really only from WWII through the early 1960s. Historically, groups of children stayed with a few (usually older) women while everyone else gathered food, farmed, tended to animals,etc. You know, like working moms with community daycare. I really believe biologically, we are set up to be communal, and raise our kids communally. I suck at being home alone with the kids for weeks at a time. I am both bored and boring.

Buckles0528 · October 2014

Don't discount that you also may be a better mom as a working mom. I am. By far.

- I agree, I will probably be miserable home 24/7 alone with a baby. I think my apprehension is coming from my families thoughts on daycare. I am almost afraid to tell them I am even thinking about it. They have the luxury of parents being close by and spouses who make six figures. Even if I had that I still believe daycare is great for kids but they don't share my feelings. So I am openly looking for reassurance!

skibunny59 · October 2014

For me, I work because my family really depends on the benefits and on my income. Also, we are super lucky in that we don't pay for daycare. My parents live close by and my mom watches my daughter (her choice). Anyway, because of that we have never felt the financial burden of childcare and we have been able to put away enough money so that I can be out 9 months for maternity leave with #2.

Anyway, although I like my actual job, I don't actually like working. I always feel like I'm rushing around and I always feel a little stressed. I hate having to think about what to pack for lunch for myself and DD, packing DD's bag for the day, picking out my clothes, etc. I hate having to squeeze everything in at night and on weekends. I am teacher so I know what it feels to be home with my DD all day and I much prefer being home to working. I always feel so much more relaxed and happy when I am home during summer. And since I'm a teacher I don't get much adult interaction at all except for my 40 minute lunch in the teacher's room.

Buckles0528 · October 2014

$800 a month is not an insignificant amount of money. But really, you should think of your entire household budget. Together, you and your partner make $X, daycare costs $Y, so you have $Z leftover. Daycare costs don't come only out of one person's salary.

-This is true and before I got pregnant I thought this way. Right now though, because he is active duty Army, he does not have a choice, I am the only one with a choice. That is why I think of it that way. He would be a stay at home dad in a heartbeat!

VitaLuna · October 2014

I would not choose to be a SAHM, but I'd love to work PT right now while she's small if that was an option. For me, I wanted to go back to work, and it also was not a good career move for me to be out of the workforce/industry for even for a year. I think $800 is more than enough of a difference to justify going back to work if that's what you want to do.

MommyAtty · October 2014

Buckles1946 said:

Don't discount that you also may be a better mom as a working mom. I am. By far.

- I agree, I will probably be miserable home 24/7 alone with a baby. I think my apprehension is coming from my families thoughts on daycare. I am almost afraid to tell them I am even thinking about it. They have the luxury of parents being close by and spouses who make six figures. Even if I had that I still believe daycare is great for kids but they don't share my feelings. So I am openly looking for reassurance!

Here's some. My in laws take care of my kids. I'm happy my kids get to know their grandparents this way, but this year DD started preschool. She has grown so much! Her vocabulary is expanding, she's learning letters and numbers, she spends a ton more time with kids her age, she's more comfortable in social situations, she's less shy with adults. The list goes on and on. She has so much fun. School was cancelled on Friday due to bad storms that knocked out electricity, and she was totally bummed. "No school? I don't get to see my friends? No Ms Darcy? No music today?" I'm starting DS as soon as I can. I think we waited too long with DD and I'm annoyed at myself that she missed out. (Oh, and we were super-diligent about signing her up for library time, Kindermusik, etc, so this preschool thing is that much greater than even normal enrichment.)

Beevol · October 2014

I am a much better mom as a working mom and that counts for a lot. That being said, after daycare for two, my take home pay is pretty tiny (we jointly pool our funds, but I make less than DH, so if anyone stayed home, it would be me) and we thought through the pros and cons of me working and it took us about 5 minutes to realize that it was *way* better financially for me to continue working even if I was just working for health insurance/401K contribution and taxes and the rest went to pay for DC for a couple of years.

Here were our reasons:

First off, my sanity, sense of self-worth, and happiness have a value. Second, DD has thrived in DC - if I stayed home, I would still want her to go to at least a part-time preschool prior to Kindegarten and those aren't cheap either. Third, my earning potential will increase in the next few years - not a lot, but enough such that if I stopped working now and went back 2 or 3 years from now (when DD1 would be in public school) I would definitely not be able to start back at my potential and could possibly take a pay cut from where I am now. Fourth, as others have pointed out, a little is still something. Fifth, if god-forbid something happened to DH's job, we wouldn't be SOL.

Katelobster · October 2014

For me, $800/month for working full-time would not be worth the difficulty of hauling the kid out of the house in the morning, full days of work, commutes, daycare illnesses, etc, especially because I have to do most of it on my own while my husband travels. I'd be out of there in a heartbeat.

But that's just me, and you're not me. Maybe for you it will be worth it, and PP brought up very good points on the benefits of being a working mom. But I think the only way you can answer whether it's worth it or not to YOU, is to go back to work, try it for a couple months and see how you feel about it. If it feels good to continue working, get out of the house and continue your career regardless of what you take home, then good for you! If it feels like you're miserable and killing yourself for peanuts, you can always quit then.

Good luck!

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