Too sick for sex?

mpiemont · October 2014

I feel so bad for DH. It's been just over a month since my BFP and I think we have had sex twice. He hasn't really even tried, because I think just the look on my face that I'm about to vomit/fall asleep at any given second is enough of an answer. How are you keeping the spark alive? (I should mention having a 3 & 1.5 year old is also a kink in our sex life). I know some people get an increased sex drive in pregnancy, but clearly that's not me. Any tips/tricks for getting in the mood? Or do I say screw it until I feel better?
:-&

jennadesigns · October 2014

I'm in the screw it till you feel better camp. I feel bad for my SO ... we've only been intimate one time since getting our BFP. I actually wanted to the other night and then got a wicked migraine. I'm hoping that things improve in the second tri. Hopefully you find that to be the case too!

PlayboyMommy · October 2014

I was on it for the first 2 weeks or so. Since then I've had the vague desire, more for the intimacy, but not the stamina. I miss it. I look forward to feeling better and getting back to business.

CTri17 · October 2014

we try to still manage a few times a week, it's not as wow as before but it is helpful for all involved

evakatharina · October 2014

I haven't felt like being intimate, like, at all, but as long as I'm awake and not about to barf, I've been trying to be sensitive to H's needs as much as I can. Once we get going I can usually get into it, even if I don't feel 100% my usual self. I feel like it's important to keep the intimacy alive, because it's not really going to get any easier once baby arrives!

smileygirl91 · October 2014

I'm moody, feel sick, bloated, constipated and tired almost 24/7. I feel like I'll never get back into the mood, hope this passes soon. We've only had sex once since our BFP. I feel pretty bad about it but I can't really hide that 'I want to puke and cry right now' face! Bring on 2nd tri, I've invested my hope in you! Lol.

lgsdesigner · October 2014

I try to "pounce" those few 20-30 minutes when I don't have m/s. Seems to work for us well. I try to eat Preggie Drops at night/drink ginger tea to get rid of the nausea, and then go for it.

momtosam · October 2014

Yeah my poor DH has not gotten any in over a month.

I just feel so sick all the freaking time. 24/7 nausea, plus vomiting, bad constipation, hemroids, fatigue and just over all feeling gross is just not key for me feeling sexy or even wanting to be touched. I am hoping we will be over the hump soon.

greks84 · October 2014

My DH and I have has sex once in the past month. I feel awful but I feel fat and nauseas and just flat out gross all the time. I'm exhausted and moody and have zero desire. If it doesn't pass in the next few weeks I will try and just power through and do it. The last time we did it I wasn't in the mood but started to enjoy it more once we started. I'm def looking forward to 2nd tri!

ashtownyeah · October 2014

Yeah, I'm 6 weeks and we've only had sex 2x since we got our BFP. And before that was probably a week before baby was conceived (via IUI). I started progesterone suppositories the day after my B2B IUIs, and it's just gross and messy. I've relegated us to shower sex only until I'm done with my progesterone.

DH is super understanding, and hasn't pressured me at all. I do feel bad, though!

creativerae · October 2014

Y'all, seriously, thank you for this thread. We've only been intimate once since the pregnancy was confirmed, and otherwise, I've been so sick that neither of us has been willing to try. I am *so* appreciative to hear that we're in good company. I'm holding out hope that second trimester will be better.

blue2mango · October 2014

I'm with @lgsdesigner, I try when I have moments of no nausea or complete exhaustion. My friend who is about 11 weeks is on the edge of having hypermesis so her and her DH haven't had sex since her bfp. We have been able to about 2 times a week but its not fancy.

rswagner · October 2014

I am almost 10 weeks and we have not had sex since conception. My husband is struggling with it but I have felt so gross (nausea, bloating, lethargic, etc), plus I had a horrible cold last week. It was so miserable. I tried today but just started crying - had a miscarriage in June and think I'm still dealing with it emotionally... Anyway, it helped to read your posts and hear that I am not alone. Good luck everyone!

dfrentescu867 · October 2014

We have been having sex less but when we do, I throw up after lol

Avast · October 2014

Do you feel nauseous when you type? No? Then you can use your hands on him. That's sex, too. It doesn't always have to be reciprocal. You have to put effort into your relationship to keep it good, which means you're not off the hook just because you're not "in the mood."

You wouldn't be ok with his not talking to you for days because he's not in the mood. Why is physical intimacy less important than the emotional intimacy of communication?

Ballet80 · October 2014

My husband is scared of me! He won't do anything, which is okay with me. I asked him why and he said he didn't want to do anything to hurt the baby or cause a problem. It has taken us forever to get pregnant, so I understand, but he is normally not that sensitive, ha!

mzmcg · October 2014

honestly, it seems like the sex makes me feel better. Especially when I'm nauseous and can't sleep, it seems to be one of my natural remedies....

chasingmonkeys · October 2014

I tried and it hurt like hell. Definitely killed the mood. Lol

Pintobean39 · October 2014

Avast said:
Do you feel nauseous when you type? No? Then you can use your hands on him. That's sex, too. It doesn't always have to be reciprocal. You have to put effort into your relationship to keep it good, which means you're not off the hook just because you're not "in the mood."

You wouldn't be ok with his not talking to you for days because he's not in the mood. Why is physical intimacy less important than the emotional intimacy of communication?

Seriously? If I don't want to have sex I'm not having sex in any way shape or form. Simple!!!

@IFinTN‌ I can't agree with you more.

creativerae · October 2014

@IFinTN - "I know my opinion is an unpopular one, but I think a woman should have sex only if she wants to have sex. "

Believing that sex should be 100% consensual is a more popular opinion than you might believe.

@Avast - I've offered DH an old-fashioned, and he laughed at me. His exact words were, "You were giving me a foot rub and you puked. Do you really think I want you getting sick on my junk?"

I think one of the best things that DH and I have going for us in our marriage is this rule: NO BAD SEX. If we're not feeling it, we don't try to force the funk. The last thing either of us wants is to start associating physical intimacy with negative emotions.

tinalovescauliflower · October 2014

IFinTN said:
I know my opinion is an unpopular one, but I think a woman should have sex only if she wants to have sex. That's what I will teach my children.

Yes, I have done it when I was halfway in the mood and it got better but it was my choice to say, aw fuck it, let's give it a try. I've also stopped in the middle of such attempts because it got no better.

But if I had no inkling of wanting to have sex, if I feel like I might barf on him during sex, I'm not having sex. AND THAT'S OK. I should not "feel bad" for taking care of my own physical and emotional needs. If I want to give him a hand job, blow job, whatever, I will. But only if I WANT to do those things. Women should never feel pressured to do those things because of "poor DH."

I'm so sick of the "poor DH" line. Sex is not everything in a relationship. If "poor DH" can't have some sympathy for you while you are too sick for sex, then that's his problem.

I feel like women's sexual revolution has taken a step backwards in many of these "sex" threads. I hope we don't teach our daughters to have sex with men because we feel sorry that they can't have instant gratification.

PREACH.

ambarnett1 · October 2014

I guess being too sick for sex is better than DH telling you he doesn't want to be intimate because my attitude is unattractive. Uh...thanks? Why don't you try taking care of a 5 month old, being pregnant, and taking care of everything around the house, plus working part time.

ellab043 · October 2014

I was put on pelvic rest so no sex, or anything else fun for two to four weeks. I hate it. I have actually had an intense sex drive since our BFP and I feel best usually at night. I cannot wait to get back to normal and not have restrictions.

coastlinemama · October 2014

I never have sex if I don't want to. My husband would never make me feel bad about it. We like to cuddle and kiss but we honestly don't have sex super often and we are both happy and very in love.

breeanac15 · October 2014

Every day it is different for us. I know my husband tells me he can tell I'm pregnant because he just has this feeling for me that he has never felt before. I feel bad because I know he wants to get close but I can't sleep, constipated, feel sick, and sleep more then 12 hours a day. Some days it is just not doable for me and others I feel slightly better so I just suck it up and let him get close!

kj808 · October 2014

Your DH is in a better boat than mine - we've only had sex once since I ovulated and that was before my bfp! I'm just SO paranoid of spotting and cramping that we have agreed to wait until 2nd tri, but I think I might be good to go if my 10 week appt goes well. Luckily DH has been super understanding and is completely on board

kj808 · October 2014

IFinTN said:

I know my opinion is an unpopular one, but I think a woman should have sex only if she wants to have sex. That's what I will teach my children.

Yes, I have done it when I was halfway in the mood and it got better but it was my choice to say, aw fuck it, let's give it a try. I've also stopped in the middle of such attempts because it got no better.

But if I had no inkling of wanting to have sex, if I feel like I might barf on him during sex, I'm not having sex. AND THAT'S OK. I should not "feel bad" for taking care of my own physical and emotional needs. If I want to give him a hand job, blow job, whatever, I will. But only if I WANT to do those things. Women should never feel pressured to do those things because of "poor DH."

I'm so sick of the "poor DH" line. Sex is not everything in a relationship. If "poor DH" can't have some sympathy for you while you are too sick for sex, then that's his problem.

I feel like women's sexual revolution has taken a step backwards in many of these "sex" threads. I hope we don't teach our daughters to have sex with men because we feel sorry that they can't have instant gratification.

I can't love tit this enough!

HeatherC21 · October 2014

kj808 said:
Your DH is in a better boat than mine - we've only had sex once since I ovulated and that was before my bfp! I'm just SO paranoid of spotting and cramping that we have agreed to wait until 2nd tri, but I think I might be good to go if my 10 week appt goes well. Luckily DH has been super understanding and is completely on board

I'm in this boat

Pintobean39 · October 2014

HeatherC21 said:

kj808 said:
Your DH is in a better boat than mine - we've only had sex once since I ovulated and that was before my bfp! I'm just SO paranoid of spotting and cramping that we have agreed to wait until 2nd tri, but I think I might be good to go if my 10 week appt goes well. Luckily DH has been super understanding and is completely on board
I'm in this boat

I don't think we've had sex since July. I was on lupron for so long it took every thing out of me. Then I started shoving blue pills up my vag, ummm no thank you to sex. Then my RE said no sex until betas, now were scared because it may cause spotting. Maybe one day we will have sex again.

Last year during and after mc #3 we had to wait 3 months.

I hear it's like riding a bike.

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