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2nd baby baby shower

FintinandmeFintinandme member
in Baby Showers
So here's the deal, this is my second baby and I didn't really have a shower with my son. Family members sent me stuff and even had a bakery near us make us a cake, which was really really wonderful of them. I was living in the other side of the country than all my family and friends, so, no shower for me. But, we had a double income in the military so it wasn't a big deal since we had little trouble affording everything. Anyways, since then, we've both ended our enlistment and moved back home to allow my hubby to pursue his dream job and I'm a stay at home mom since we can't afford childcare. While there is $ on the horizon, there is none right now. Stuff has gotten lost since we moved and I've learned that there are things I didn't buy with my son that I wish we had, but right now, we can't afford anything. Is there a tactful way of having a shower for a second baby? I'm not going to lie, it's all about the stuff because we're stinking poor right now. I would think it would be ok though since I didn't really have one before? Right? Maybe?
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Re: 2nd baby baby shower

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • chicagojackiechicagojackie member
    Your kid, your responsibility. Do the right thing. Tacky is forever.
    BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
    BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
    BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
    *everyone always welcome*
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  • rockoperarockopera member
    Nope. You made life/job choices that have put you in this situation. It is not anyone else's job to fund your life, as cash strapped as you may be. You want a fundraiser wrapped up as a party. Not cool.
    baby boy: 3.19.2014
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @mrsfinni yes
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @mrsfinni I didn't say that, all I said was that I, personally speaking, don't see anything wrong with a second baby shower. If you consider that as being greedy then we just have different points of view that is all.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @Bliss+Berry‌ I just LOL'd at your entire post, but it's cool though, you are entitled to your own opinion. Nothing to do with etiquette, I come from a place where having a shower for a second child is not tacky. Understand that not everyone is raised the same, I'm assuming in the U.S. This Is a tacky thing to do, but that doesn't mean I will change my ways just because other people think otherwise. My sister will have a great time at her second shower :)
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @leela02‌ I guess that phrase does sound a little wrong
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    Dear God no! Am I the only one thinking this has to be MUD?
    I mean no just no!
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    menta84 said:

    @Bliss+Berry‌ I just LOL'd at your entire post, but it's cool though, you are entitled to your own opinion. Nothing to do with etiquette, I come from a place where having a shower for a second child is not tacky. Understand that not everyone is raised the same, I'm assuming in the U.S. This Is a tacky thing to do, but that doesn't mean I will change my ways just because other people think otherwise. My sister will have a great time at her second shower :)

    It has everything to do with etiquette! You are going to do what you want but that doesn't mean your guests won't be side eyeing this event.
    There is really only one exception to the rule IMHO.
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  • lneice0160lneice0160 member
    Where I'm from we have baby showers no matter what the baby is first, second, third etc...sure you don't get everything you did with the first, most of the time we pass hand me downs lol but I definitely don't think you should ask for a shower bc you need/want stuff...maybe this one wasn't planned, like mine I was on birth control, it happens but its your responsibility to provide for your child. I've picked up a part time job that starts when DH gets off work bc child care is expensive to help prepare for baby, and bc I don't think its my friends and family's place to have to buy us stuff for our baby....what do you plan on doing when the gifts run out? How are you going to pay for diapers and baby necessities after you use what you get at a shower?
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @Bliss+Berry‌ well you seem to be a very closed minded person, I've been raised by loving parents who have taught me respect and manners. I do understand that here in the U.S. A second baby shower is tacky but you see, I am not entirely from here and neither is a big part of my family and friends, where I come from we do things differently. Different is not always wrong, your way is not the only way.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @kyliedaniellexx‌ sure ok...
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @Happy_Yahoo_Personaler. I'm not wasting my time anymore explaining the same thing over and over, you can think whatever you want. Surprised to see how many people just don't get that YOUR rules do not apply to all countries/backgrounds. Bye.
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  • nurse714nurse714 member
    In my circle of family and friends, we have baby showers for 1st, 2nd, 3rd........ I have never heard any gossip about being gift grabby or anything of the sort.  If anything, when the mother is getting far along, people ask about when and where the shower will be and this happens even if it's the THIRD pregnancy. 
    My advice to you is if you have friends and family that think like this board, then maybe don't do it, but if you know that your friends and family are like mines, have your baby shower and enjoy! 
    As far as being gift grabby, if any of my friends or family had any inkling that finances where an issue, a baby shower would be bigger than ever. 

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since September 2012
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  • nurse714nurse714 member
    kyliedaniellexx said:
    menta84 said:
    @Bliss+Berry‌ well you seem to be a very closed minded person, I've been raised by loving parents who have taught me respect and manners. I do understand that here in the U.S. A second baby shower is tacky but you see, I am not entirely from here and neither is a big part of my family and friends, where I come from we do things differently. Different is not always wrong, your way is not the only way.


    Too bad your loving parents didn't teach you etiquette. 
    I'm curious what culture you keep referring to. 
    She's probably referring to a culture different from what you know. We are all different and not everybody's circle feels like what you are accustom to. It's the norm with my family and friends to give baby showers no matter what number pregnancy it is and they most likely will have more than one. People give showers at work, another at church, and a big one with family and friends. Open your mind before you judge and realize that we are not all the same. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since September 2012
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @mistabinx"hey guys, I decided to have another child even though I'm not financially prepared, please fund this!" HA. Yes, because you've lived where I have lived and you know my culture so well that you know EXACTLY what we mean when we throw a second, third, or fourth shower, right? Oh boy, you guys make me giggle. You keep saying that a baby shower is done ONLY once to welcome the mother into motherhood and therefore, no second shower is ever okay to do. Well, we don't do baby showers to welcome mothers into motherhood (I honestly have never heard of that saying before), we organize them to celebrate the soon arrival of  a new baby. It's all about the baby, this is why we do showers for each child that is born to a family. No, we don't do "meet the baby" parties; I have never even been to one nor have I ever heard of that before either. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, it's just not common among my family and friends. I have organized many baby showers for my friends and family and trust me, since you seem to be so concerned about what they may think, none of them think it's tacky. They do it too! It's all about what the culture involves and what is meaningful for everyone around you. Thinking that the way you do something has to apply to everyone is just not realistic. When I was first invited to a "house warming party" for one of the girls I worked with, I didn't know what it meant at first. I did buy her a gift and had a great time at her party, I never thought omg what a gift grabby, tacky bitch she is. No, I don't jump to think like that about people even though such parties don't even exist where I am from. If you buy a house good for you, end of story; however, along all the years living in the U.S. I know this is something that is rather common, so if I am invited, I will of course go and have fun. Because of life circumstances, I have lived in three different countries with three different languages. That was hard...at first. Culture shock is something that can make you go crazy, but you do learn a lot from those around you that are and behave completely different than what you are used to. I am thankful for those experiences because it has opened my horizons to understand different beliefs, cultures, and behaviors. You can continue to bash me, I don't mind at all. I stand by what I said before and that's that :)
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  • leela02leela02 member
    NurseRobinson said:
    She's probably referring to a culture different from what you know. We are all different and not everybody's circle feels like what you are accustom to. It's the norm with my family and friends to give baby showers no matter what number pregnancy it is and they most likely will have more than one. People give showers at work, another at church, and a big one with family and friends. Open your mind before you judge and realize that we are not all the same. 
    Work and church showers are different, they have a different vibe and depending on your employer/church you may not have much say over how/if they will be thrown...I don't think anyone was judging those kinds of showers in this thread.

    I am not really judgey about families that just normally do multiple baby showers, if the only people they invite are themselves. When people claim this reason and then invite people outside their "different culture" whose views are traditional or unknown, then it's just a gift-grab.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @Bliss+Berry‌ I really don't care that you think I'm full of it, you don't know me and never will. It's actually quite flattering, taking into consideration that I didn't learn English until my teenage years. Why would I care to share my personal details with you? Like saying where I am from is going make a difference in your reasoning. The base here is very simple, other countries do things differently, regardless of if you know WHAT country it is we are referring to. Period.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @Bliss+Berry‌ then it's surprising you are so closed minded regarding other people's beliefs/traditions.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @mandjs a gift giving event over here as well, not to celebrate the mother but to celebrate the baby. Trust me when I say I have no intentions to have "the majority" of whatever board with me or on my side. I am just defending my point of view and my beliefs. You or anyone else want to disagree? That's perfectly fine with me. Everyone is entitled to their opinions.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @mandjs not in my circle. Plain and simple.
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  • menta84menta84 member
    @shinyredsmartazz‌ Ha I'm not playing that game.

    @Empireceo‌ don't really care what you think either.. Think it's BS if that makes you happy :)
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