Silly unsolicited advice

NeonNoon · October 2014

I suppose it's pretty common for pregnant women to receive unsolicited advice from people they share the news with.

I've had my share and it keeps on coming. I find it hilarious and annoying at the same time. They can be pretty aggressive, including women who have never been pregnant before! They tend to take the form of "You should..." and "Don't do...", rather than, "I've read..." or "This worked for me..."

What's the silliest advice you've been given? Any clever come-backs?

The silliest I've had are:

- Don't exercise (I have no known medical conditions)

- Hire a maid

JilliansMoma · October 2014

I did hire a maid and it's the best money I've ever spent! LOL!! I told my husband that she was coming today and his comeback was "my favorite day of the month"! Goofball.

@NeonNoon it only gets worse when LO is here.

The worst thing for me is pandering to my mother-in-law's lame superstitions and old outdated parenting tips. Just because you gave my DH a baby carrot to suck on when he was teething 42 some years ago doesn't mean I want my DD choking on one now!

There's more but it would be way too much to read! ;-)

JM

NeonNoon · October 2014

Haha.. yes, I'm getting the outdated tips too @JilliansMoma. I tend to respond with, "Well, the doctors now say..." I don't dare tell them I read something on the internet or in a book or that's an opening for more litigation!

I have no problem with people deciding for themselves whether they want to hire a maid, I just don't want to be told I need one. It makes me feel like Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond with all the browbeating from Marie!

harmonicbabe26 · October 2014

I guess I've been lucky because nothing comes to mind as far as advice from strangers. Or maybe I just tuned it out. But MY MOM is always the one offering these priceless tid bits. Last time it was about coloring my hair. Every time she spoke to me she moaned about that and kept repeating how My cousing never even colored until she was done BFing her kids. Well sorry mom, but my doc said it was totally fine so I will take her advice. This time, every time we talk it's all 'don't get over tired and don't lift / carry K'. Again, how would she know what it's like to have a clingy toddler and another one on the way.... I was in elementary school by the time my sister was born. You can't avoid lifting your small kid, even for the simple reason that they can't reach places you need them to get into (crib, car etc). And don't even get me started on getting overly tired. She must have had a sweet life when she was expecting.... Sorry, ranting a bit bc I am EXHAUSTED and it's not even 10am....

ksgsmu · October 2014

Yeah my SIL who had kids over 15 years ago is giving me all kinds of outdated advice. I am also having twins which is a whole other ball game. It is driving me a bit nuts but I just listen and don't say anything back.

MsMacual · October 2014

I haven't gotten a lot of advice with either pregnancy (or not any completely ridiculous advice!). My mom told me before I was pregnant to expect to do most of the child care, which I thought was ridiculous, but she actually was pretty spot on. My dad and husband both are great guys, but they just aren't that helpful when it comes to most household tasks- including children. I've noticed that my husband is a lot more hands on with our son now that he's a little older and I'm expecting that he'll take over bed and bath time once #2 comes. He helped with him when he was little, but he isn't the type to think ahead to what DS would need in an hour or two, etc so I still had to do that part.

In terms of the maid- definitely odd advice to receive from a stranger, but it is pretty good advice. I have not hired one and it is super hard to work FT, take care of a little, and keep a house somewhat clean. Hiring a house cleaner is at the top of my list once I start back to work after #2 arrives! I'm planning on starting with someone once/month. I figure we can keep things picked up and I can clean bathrooms, the kitchen floor, and vacuum at least once between visits.

itsmevkb · October 2014

I puffy heart my housekeeper.

Bigboneded · October 2014

I got a cleaning service at the beginning of the year, before we got pregnant- and it's been great. We started at once a week, PITA to clear surfaces that often, so dropped to every two weeks, love it!

And I bought a little journal to "solicit" advice. I have people put their pearls in there. Ive gotten lots of good advice and want to be able to remember it. Also I think it helps everyone feel more involved. Has gone over well so far :-)

Lady2010 · October 2014

My mom today told me that now that I am in my 24th week I should be sure not to watch scary, violent or sad movies. And from the time we told her we were expecting (10 weeks) she is always telling me I need to be happy and think positive thoughts. As in I shouldn't ever get upset / mad. She thinks it is bad for the baby for me to feel any negative feelings - ever - while pregnant. Uhh - thanks mom but I am going to continue to watch what I want to watch (I don't like super scary/horror movies to begin with, but I do enjoy shows with suspense and some violence - Homeland, GoT, etc.)

And while DH and I rarely have argued while pregnant - there have been a few big arguments/disagreements - which I think is totally normal! Yes, I may be upset for a few hours or a day and fume/fester but then I am fine - so it isn't like I am bringing all this negativity to the baby.

NeonNoon · October 2014

Lol.. your mom takes the cake! @Lady2010

leela02 · October 2014

"You're moving? Don't lift anything heavy, it's bad for the baby!"

Yeah, I really have no common sense.

"Make DH do the heavy lifting!"

These people have seen my scrawny DH.

My family has no concept of moving companies apparently.

anonymousmotley · October 2014

I haven't had much advice. But there is a lady at work that freaks out when I try to pick anything up. Just the other day, she was cleaning out the copy room (so we could get new floors) and I offered to help move some things. She said, "Oh no honey, you don't need to be moving anything." "Uhm, I can pick up some picture frames and plastic cups/plates, etc. I'm not on my death bed!"

People really do say the dardest things to pregnant women. I have to agree, @Lady2010 takes the cake on this one! LOL How in the world can you avoid emotions while pregnant!? I understand she wants you to keep positive thoughts...I get the theory behind it...but you can't avoid watching sad/horrific things or sad/mad emotions.

marthah05 · October 2014

Here are several ridiculous things I have heard.

When are you quitting your job?

You aren't going to circumcise the baby if it's a boy?

Are you going to baptize the baby Catholic? ( I wasn't raised catholic, and neither was my husband. I was raised Lutheran, and my husband wasn't raised anything his mother was a religion hopper.)

harmonicbabe26 · October 2014

This one is not annoying - rather the opposite, but the 'don't lift anything' comment reminded me.

MH travels a ton for work and we're alone a lot and when it was so super hot in the summer my sweet neihhbors started rolling out our massive garbage cans to the curb for me and then rolling them back. Bc a prego lady should not have to do that. Awww... I did not object to that at all.

Lady2010 · October 2014

@harmonicbabe26 - I totally wouldn't object either!

Yeah - my mom is usually somewhat sane/normal but with things like this she is kind of crazy! She also made / bought me this Indian sweet (parents grew up in India - moved here 46 yrs ago) when they were visiting the other week... she said I need to eat one every morning going forward. I don't really like sweets/desserts to begin with and especially don't like Indian ones - they are just way too sweet for me. I told her (in a nice way) that I wasn't going to do this. My dad just laughed and gave her the 'I told you so' - but she kept pushing. I was talking to her yesterday and told her that I would bring them back home when I go next week so she can have them or give them to my sister since I would feel bad throwing them out. She is still upset that I won't eat it!

Never mind the fact that I don't like Indian sweets - I don't want to get GD! (test in a few weeks)

But she means well and normally is sane, so I will let this one pass with laughing it off

Edited: hit enter to soon!

NeonNoon · October 2014

You're not alone @Lady2010 with the food thing. I've been on this gluten-free/refined-sugar-free diet for over a year and a half. And my mom still sends me sugary, gluten-filled treats and acts dumb/surprised when I tell her I don't eat gluten. I've stopped arguing with her. When I get one of her food gifts, I give it away unopened.

xilahn · October 2014

Agreed on the housekeeper thing. I actually insisted on hiring one when I got married because I have a long commute and didn't want to fight over cleaning. It's been a worthwhile expense to keep the peace!

mindaa · October 2014

A radio show this morning was talking about research that shows that there are three (top) ways that money can actually "buy happiness." One of them (right up there with giving to others), was buying yourself better time, like hiring a housekeeper so your time is freed up for more enjoyable activities.

junismum · October 2014

My friend gave me the best comeback, which seems to work well and doesn't offend anyone (so far) -

I'm glad that worked well for you, I'll keep it in mind and see how I go.

I've had a little bit of weird advice, and silly ones like "you should just quit your job now" (I'm 27 weeks and been fine so far), but I like the idea of a cleaner, if only I could find one.

But, the thing I find the hardest is people coming up and putting their hands on my belly - I know they mean well, but its just weird - you would never do that to anyone else you dont know. And, I'm not really sure what to say to that. The other day I just made a big wincing noise and said "sorry, my tummy's really sensitive at the moment and that kind of hurt" - it didn't, just gave me more of a shock, but maybe they'll think twice next time.

NeonNoon · October 2014

That hasn't happened to me yet @junismum with the belly but I've heard it's a common problem. They have these funny maternity t-shirts online that tell people it's not OK to touch.

xuxachi · October 2014

My "wedding present" of sorts was a cleaning service. I told him it was the best way to ensure marital bliss. It helps that I found an inexpensive person in the area or I couldn't keep with it being a SAHM. I paused the service over the summer and while it was fine to keep up with the cleaning, I couldn't believe how much time I was spending doing it! When I got such bad MS that service was reinstated with no second guessing. I can't see going back

mwerren · October 2014

Worst advice I've ever been given came from an older, former hippie friend of my mother. She said to smoke a lot of pot and get really high when I start feeling the contractions. She said she delivered all four of her kids high as a kite and she didn't need an epidural because she felt so great from all of her weed.

Ummm, no thanks on this little gem. Plus it explains a lot about why her kids are so strange.

NeonNoon · October 2014

That's bonkers! @mwerren

topaz7777 · October 2014

junismum said:

My friend gave me the best comeback, which seems to work well and doesn't offend anyone (so far) -
I'm glad that worked well for you, I'll keep it in mind and see how I go.

I've had a little bit of weird advice, and silly ones like "you should just quit your job now" (I'm 27 weeks and been fine so far), but I like the idea of a cleaner, if only I could find one.
But, the thing I find the hardest is people coming up and putting their hands on my belly - I know they mean well, but its just weird - you would never do that to anyone else you dont know. And, I'm not really sure what to say to that. The other day I just made a big wincing noise and said "sorry, my tummy's really sensitive at the moment and that kind of hurt" - it didn't, just gave me more of a shock, but maybe they'll think twice next time.

I enjoy lifting my shirt up and revealing the bruises from all of my thinner shots... It doesn't help me since it's after the fact, but I'm pretty sure the people I've done that to probably haven't walked up to another person and done it...

Once I just glared at the person and screamed "I'm just fat!!" the look on their face was priceless. I laughed the whole way home.

cyndi417 · October 2014

I loved reading these. It just makes me smile. I haven't had any advice yet, as we have't told anyone at this point. But it occurs to me (after reading through this) that having delivered my son over 17 years ago, I may be FOLLOWING my own out dated advice. Yikes!

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