Updates. Miss you guys!!

AshleyDehaven · October 2014

Sorry i have been absent lately, things have been so hectic, and to be honest, i have been cheating with the Special Needs Board a bit, because i have been having a rough transition. Thoren is doing well, he loves his new Educational Therapist, and has been referred for weekly Speech Therapy a the local university, Occupational Therapy at the Neurodevelopment Center, and ABA Therapy at a place called Endless Potential. We are officially on the waitlist at the Autism Center at Seattle Children's hospital for a formal diagnostic eval to officialize everything, so that we can move forward with more intensive ABA therapy. One Children's officially diagnoses him, he qualifies for up to 4 hours daily of in home ABA covered by the state, which will go so far toward getting him school ready, but the wait list is nine months long. I am having a bit of a hard time the last couple weeks, harder than normal, i thought i was over the waves of crippling sadness, but for some reason it's like it's hitting me all over again. Wondering if he is going to get to have all of those major moments, friends, romance, a wedding, children.. If he is going to be happy. He is the most incredible little boy, and my lord, is he smart. But he just can't connect to people.. The hardest thing in the world for me to admit is that i don't know from day to day if my son actually feels a connection to me past caretaker. Plus, people suck. They make crappy, ignorant, mean spirited comments, and if they are willing to talk and treat a toddler so unfairly, what is it going to be like when he is older? I'd planned on homeschooling. Now that "mainstreaming" is part of my vernacular that isn't really an option. Am i going to be able to even think about having another kid? Would that even be fair? How am i supposed to deal with 6 weeks of bed rest after this surgery i have coming up, when he has therapy 3-4 times a week? Oof... I just.. I was handling things. I was okay. But today i feel very.. Small..

Anyways, i wanted to update you guys because through all of this, this is the one place i have really felt comfortable being honest about the situation. Can you believe that our babies are almost 2 years old? And that for the most part, we have all been talking for 2.5 years? Crazy, crazy. I hope all of you and your littles are doing well. What's new in your world?

spainy17 · October 2014

Hey Ash,

I am so sorry you are going through the crapstorm but if it helps I am seriously proud of you and how much help you have gotten for your little boy in such a short time. I mean, you went from "hey, I think my kiddo is a little different" to "I'm fighting for my little bug" to full court press in such a short time with a huge cross country move thrown in. I am so amazed at how connected you are already and while you vent here about wallowing in sadness I just am so proud of what you have accomplished for him. Hell, even if the waiting list is nine months long that means he would still get qualified by 2.5 and could have like 3 YEARS of intense therapy preparing him for regular school. He is just so blessed to have you in his corner because you just gave him the absolute best chance at having all of those things you hope for him.

And you know what? My dad is probably on the autism spectrum. He for sure has Aspergers and has a hard time with people too. But he was brilliant and while shy and awkward he was so kind and my mom (who was a chatty beautiful cheerleader) saw how smart and sweet he was and married him. She even asked HIM to get married because he never would have done it on his own. And they had my brother and I and have been married 40 years this year. Is my Dad a little goofy and nerdy? Yup, very. Did he sometimes embarrass me? Yup. But he is the sweetest man with a giant heart and I am so lucky to have him. Thoren sounds a lot like him and I bet that he might surprise you.

court115 · October 2014

You are a rock star and Thoren is so lucky to have you as his mom. He will have the completely wonderful life that he deserves thanks to you fighting for him to get the services that he needs. Good luck momma! Keep that head held high

bennikki · October 2014

Thank you for the update! Hang in there. I hope your surgery goes okay. That's a whole lot to deal with!

DH's cousin is on the spectrum, and he just updated all of us on Facebook with photos of his new girlfriend! While his extremely detailed account of their online dating history delved a bit into the inappropriate, they found each other, and they are very happy and planning a bright future.

AshleyDehaven · October 2014

Thanks you guys. I guess sometimes i just get a little scared. I have been having horrific nightmares about things happening to him, and i think a lot of it stems from the fear of him being mistreated when i inevitably have to send him into the world without me. I am thinking about maybe seeking out a therapist and going back on antidepressants.

OhBaby+2013 · October 2014

You are such a strong mom! Don't beat yourself up for being scared. I think it's safe to say we all have fears about our kids. But in the end you can only do your best. And by the sounds of things, your best is pretty great! Glad we can all be here to listen, share, commiserate, or whatever it is you need.

emja0214 · October 2014

Thank you for the update! I think of you often wondering how Thoren and you are doing. You are such a strong woman and mom! I hope your upcoming surgery is successful and you can start feeling like you again!

jobiann · October 2014

I've been thinking about you guys...you're right, we have been talking for almost 3 years and even though you ladies are complete strangers you are also some of my best friends. I know that sounds crazy but it's true!

I think you are absolutely amazing. You are fighting for Thoren, to give him the best resources available. How blessed is he to have such a strong and caring Momma! And how blessed are you to have such a smart, adorable and beautiful son. Hugs Momma, I cannot imagine how hard it is, but know you are not alone. There are so many families out there in your exact same boat...have you reached out to a support group? I know they have them online too if you are not in a community that has an actual physical one. I just know it helps to surround yourself with those who are in a similar situation....alas this beautiful group called January 2013 Mommas!!

And I think your worrying is completely justified. You just want Thoren to be treated fairly, for people to like him. Unfortunately there are things you cannot control. My beautiful, smart, funny 15 year old niece is being bullied right now all because a boy likes her who used to date another girl, so that girl got mad and started spreading rumors about her and turning their friends against her. Teenage girls are mean. Long story short, as parents we cannot always control what others do. But we can prepare our children to know that THEY are beautiful, THEY are smart, THEY are good people. And it doesn't matter what others say or do. Yes it hurts, but it doesn't matter.

Thoren will thrive, you wait. There will be good days, and there will be bad ones. But he will THRIVE. Especially with support from a mother like you!

Hugs....I hope this week is a better week.

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