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Unknowingly demoted to shower guest *~longwinded~* *~Other person's pregnancy mentioned~*

uromysuromys member
edited October 2014 in Trouble TTC a Sibling

Today I received a shower invite for my best friends significant others baby.

Rewind to July, SO merely 12 weeks, when his mother contacting me over the moon about planning a shower for her son's girl friend. "I want your help with this. We should probably start working on it soon" I humored her wanting to get this all rolling so soon and mentioned that SOs best friend would love to help if that's okay. Told her I'd contact her friend and eventually we can meet up (she's not my friend it'd be nice to get a feel of who I'm working with). Long story short my friends mother got a hold of SOs friend and told her not to meet up with me until after August. This being from the woman who was wanting to start planning before she even knew the sex.

Fast forward to today. I've since lost my baby. Things between SO's "bestie" and I have gotten awkward, for some unknown reason, and I receive an invitation in the mail to THE SHOWER that I was suppose to be involved with planning. Now I get it. If my help is not needed for one reason or another I am okay with this. I'm a big girl, and honestly after the fit my best friends SO threw about wanting to plan her own shower (yep) I didn't want to be completely involved anyways. However not being notified of this change in plans and just being an invited guest is offensive, Last I talked to them I was still helping to throw this shower. Yes, emotionally it's tough for me to be involved with planning a shower (for a woman who did nothing but talk about miscarriages and the risks, and yet her pregnancy continues to thrive and mine is nothing but a twinkle in my heart) but this is my absolute best friend we are talking about. I want to do this FOR HIM. I wanted to be involved. I was asked to be involved. Now I'm nothing but a guest. I don't know. It could be I'm over reacting, but I can't help but be upset that no one thought to tell me they no longer needed my help.

 Am I crazy for wanting to confront his mother on why she neglected to include me anymore? I'd word it more like, Why didn't you feel it was necessary to tell me you no longer needed my help?

I don't know, I'm just hurt. Flame me if you feel the need, but am I really over reacting. I was excited to be involved after all.

DH & I are both 28    Together: 12 years    Married: 09/24/2011

BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012

Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12

BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20

BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15

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Re: Unknowingly demoted to shower guest *~longwinded~* *~Other person's pregnancy mentioned~*

  • purplehaze11purplehaze11 member
    I'm sorry, it sucks to be purposefully excluded like that. I'm not really into confrontation, so I'd probably attend the shower and do something special for your best friend later on (will he be there, or women's only?)

    DD 15.07.2012

    BFP #2 01.18.2014, MMC 04.10.2014 15w5d

    BFP #3 07.18.2014, MC 07.31.2014 5w6d

    DX: RPL due to submucosal uterine fibroid. Hysteroscopy 12/16. All clear!

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  • uromysuromys member

    My best friend wanted it co-ed, but the invitation came addressed to just me. It also states that it's a shower for just his SO. Last I spoke with his mother she wasn't up for the co-ed thing, but said if that's really what they want she would do it. I'm assuming he may show up towards the end, but also assuming it's not co-ed since the invite didn't come with DH's name on it.

    I would be happy to just be a guest if his SO's best friend hadn't already made things feel awkward between us. I'm leaning more towards taking a family vacation that weekend just to be unavailable. I'll give them my gift before hand.

    DH & I are both 28    Together: 12 years    Married: 09/24/2011

    BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012

    Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12

    BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20

    BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15

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  • uromysuromys member
    edited October 2014
    Thank you @mrandmrsk91011‌! I have a very strong urge to tell her how it really made me feel. Normally I am not one for confrontation, but this a woman/mother figure I have known or over ten years. She's the first to tell you when something is bothering her and I feel I need to tell her that this upset me. I'm happy to drop it after that.
    Thanks for listening to my rant ladies. I knew I would be upset if the invitation just showed up in the mail, but never expected for it to offend me the way it has. I guess I just felt like my friends mom wouldn't do something like that without telling me first. I didn't think it was her personality.

    DH & I are both 28    Together: 12 years    Married: 09/24/2011

    BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012

    Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12

    BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20

    BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15

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  • tigerlynx31413tigerlynx31413 member
    edited October 2014
    I'm a little late to the discussion, but here is my two cents. If you have been working with them this whole time with no mention of not needing help I would ask your BF's mother about it. As for receiving the invite, I made sure to tell my BF, who did my invites, to send to all the "hosts" for the shower so that they each had a copy of the invite if they scrapbook or are otherwise sentimental. This may have been something they were going to do regardless who was helping with the party.

    If what I mentioned ends up not being the case I can agree with your being offended. I hope if you decide to ask your BF's Mom that she is forthright with you.

    ETA words are hard on a Monday.

    BFP #1 7/6/2012, EDD 3/13/2013, Delivered 3/14/2013

    BFP #2 1/7/2014: EDD:9/14 MC: 1/9/2014 (confirmed via blood work)

    BFP #3 7/5/2014: EDD 3/11/2015 MC: 7/15/2014

    BFP #4 11/7/2014: EDD 7/17/2015~~Please be my RAINBOW!

    My Chart

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    All are Welcome!

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  • uromysuromys member

    Nieko0423  I have been close with his mom since middle school. That's the only reason I feel comfortable enough to bring anything up to her. Last we spoke she said she would contact me when she was ready to start planning. I've not received a call, email, or text since. I did however receive the invite written out by non other then the snarky BF. Its being held at his moms which is how I know they are working together. Other then the fact that I introduced them.

    Either way. I'll give his mom a call once things get closer to the date and let her know I will not be attending. It conveniently falls the week before Thanksgiving (only 28 weeks gestation) and I have family we haven't seen in years. I believe a planned trip is in order. DH and I agree that my friend will understand once he realizes that they excluded me, but I won't be bringing that up until he realizes I wasn't there.

    DH & I are both 28    Together: 12 years    Married: 09/24/2011

    BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012

    Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12

    BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20

    BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15

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