Not feeling sad enough? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Not feeling sad enough?

FigureSkater8FigureSkater8 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
edited September 2014 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Sometimes I feel like I'm not grieving enough.  I was in tears for 2 days after we found out about the miscarriage.  After my D&C Monday I've felt pretty normal again.  Only at night when I'm alone and think about it I get teary, but otherwise I'm feeling OK and not crying in the day.  I feel guilty like maybe I should be more sad.  I feel like maybe I'm not loving my poor baby enough if I'm not sad enough?  Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Maybe it will hit me more later in the weeks to come? 

  Me:36, DH:37

DS born 11/2012

BFP 7/26/14, Missed M/C at 8 weeks, discovered at 10 wks, 6 days, D&C 9/22/14, Dx: Partial molar pregnancy

Re: Not feeling sad enough?

  • I'm right there with you. I was a wreck from the time I started spotting up until the D&C 6 days later. But I haven't cried once since I left the hospital. I feel guilty as well, but I know I grieved in my own way. I'm relieved that I'm done spotting and that I don't have to be reminded of it every time I go to the bathroom.

    image  image 

    BFP #1 11/26/2012, EDD 8/7/2013, Elise Anne born 8/1/2013
    BFP #2 8/21/2014, EDD 4/11/2015, M/C 9w5d, D&C 9/17/2014
  • There is no set limit. I had my first mc 8 years ago and that one still hits me in waves. I have heard that this is something that women think about at times into old age. Do not worry about grieving too much or too little. Don't fret if it comes back in a week or a month or a year. Don't beat yourself up for being happy or having your mind busy with other things.

    This past week I have also felt the same way. I have hours throughout the day that I do not even think about it. I get so angry at times like seeing a teenager pregnant at the high school where I teach. I also get sad. Just sharing my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours.

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks


     My Chart

    FigureSkater8[Deleted User]joolaya
  • I agree that it comes in waves. I'm 8 weeks out from my D&C and some days I think about it a lot and other days it's like it never happened. Don't feel guilty for how you feel, either way. We all deal with it in our own way.
    [Deleted User]
  • I feel the same way! Last Tuesday when I found out things weren't going well, I was a DISASTER for the rest of the day. I pulled myself together Wednesday and went to work because I really have no time off. Then Thursday we went back for one final sonogram and I felt oddly better when she said to stop taking the progesterone and see if your body naturally miscarries. When I started bleeding on Monday, then had to go in Wednesday for my rhogam shot, I was again a MESS. 

    Since then, I find myself being the most sad in the morning on my drive to work. I feel like it will come in waves, but the thing I am *most* concerned with is wondering if this will ever happen (having a healthy pregnancy/baby). That is what makes me so sad and scares me. Bleh, I feel like I'm going through a period on steroids right now. Roller coaster of emotions, the worst cramps I have EVER experienced and just.....BLEH feeling. Hang in there!! 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Me: 37 DH: 38 
    BFP #1 3/17/11 - DS born 12/4/11
    TFAS Dec 2013
    BFP #2 - 3/23/14 - CP 3/26/14
    BFP #3 - 8/20/14 - Natural Miscarriage 9/22/14
    BFP #4 - 1/28/15 - DS2 born 10/13/15
    Surprise BFP# 5 - 9/2/16 - Due 5/13/17

  • I was a wreck for a week. I'm feeling a lot better emotionally now.
    We have to move on at some point, right?
  • There's no limit.  When I found out this time I had lost the baby again, I was very upset and sad for the first day or two, and then I moved on to being super angry.  I now otherwise feel pretty normal and my D&C is tomorrow.  I guess as much as I am very sad that this pregnancy is again not going to work out I'm more focused on getting the testing and things set up to ensure this doesn't happen a 5th time.  
    Me:  30  DH:  35
    Together 13 years, married January 2013.
    Stopped the pill February 2013.
    BFP:  April 5, 2013 m/c #1 @ 4 weeks
    BFP:  May 1, 2013, twins hbs seen @ 6.5 weeks, mmc #2 @ 8 weeks, D&E July 2, 2013.  
    BFP:  January 10, 2014 m/c #3 @ 5 weeks.
    BFP:  August 11, 2014, 400mg progesterone suppositories started immediately.  HB seen @ 6 weeks. mmc #4 at 7 weeks, D&E September 27, 2014.
    RE Referral:  January 2015. 
  • I agree with what many others have already said. The grief comes and goes. The day I found out and for about a week after I was a mess and could not stop crying. Then there were a couple weeks where I felt okay, and like you, I started to feel kind of guilty like I wasn't sad enough over the loss of my little baby. Then at the 1 month mark I had a week straight of really bad days where I just would start crying thinking about what I lost and whether I would ever be a mom. Now I'm kind of back to okay. So it definitely ebbs and flows and I doubt the sadness ever really goes away completely. Whatever you feel, don't feel guilty. Everyone copes differently.
    Married: 4/28/12
    BFP: 7/2/14 ;  1st US 7/21/14 Baby measuring 7w5d, HB of 138;  Discovered MMC 8/18/14 at 11w2d, baby measuring 8w5d, no hb ; 8/19/14 D&C

    TTCAL December siggy challenge - Autocorrect Fails


    | <a href="" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</My Chart

  • My friend gave me the best advice, she said no one can tell you how to feel!  You can feel however you want... seriously. 
  • Grief is different for everyone so don't give yourself a hard time because you aren't feeling sad right now. You may feel sad again later on or you may not but know whatever you are feeling is completely ok. 
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