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SamanthaAnnEdwards
member
I'm a step mom having a baby
SamanthaAnnEdwards
member
I could definitely use some objective opinions from any of you ladies who are will to chit chat every now and then. I am on my 8th week of being pregnant and am entirely too sick to join a support group that involves traveling. Needless to say I would be so grateful to anyone who is willing to talk and share their thoughts over the next few months. Anyways.... My hubs and I have been together for 5 years now. He has had full custody of his son since he was 4 years old. I'm not on here to bash his biological mother... but to paint a picture of what we have all been dealing with over the years I will say this... In PA it is extremely difficult for a man to be granted full custody of their child when the mother is still in the picture. The worst of it is that our son has been through a lot of trauma because of his mother. He will be 9 this month... I am talking about my step son but I see him as our son. I have been helping my husband raise him for 5 years with out the help of the so called mother. She has come and gone and gone out of her way to cause problems. She doesn't want any responsabilities but she tries to hurt my husband and I by hurting our son. For the record they were through before she even knew she was prego. When she told my hubs 9 yrs ago he decided to try to make it work and took care of her and the baby( she had a problem keeping her legs closed...shes also an opportunist and a home wrecker) So after the baby was 2 wks she was hooking up with his best friend at the time. He ended it but continued to support the child. To get to the point... I am worried about how she will try to make our son feel about the new baby. We know what she is capable of and does not care how much she hurts our lil guy. We decided not to tell him until we are safely into our second trimester. Due to the craziness in his life we have him going through therapy and positive programs in school that help him learn how to express his emotions in a safe and nurturing way. He knows that he can come to us. and mostly he does. but we want him to know that he has other outlets as well. Is anyone else in a similar situation? The court systems seem to drag everything out to make more money and are over congested. We didn't try to get pregnant. We had a miscarriage over a year ago when my IUD came out of place and I got prego . The IUD hurt me when it came out of place and that also allowed me to get pregnant. Since it was dangerously out of place they had to remove it , thus the loss. It was a very tough time for us. We figured that we would continue to live healthily and that it would happen when it was meant to. I am sorry if my thoughts and questions seem scattered and incomplete... I have so much to say and my mind has been all over the place along with my emotions lately.
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Re: I'm a step mom having a baby
Second, how old is your SS? How often does SS see BM? Does the CO have a clause about parental alienation or talking bad about the other parent/family in presence of SS?
There is not really anything you can do to control what BM says or does on her time, assuming she does get time. But if she has been as sketchy as it sounds, don't count on SS awarding much merit to anything she says unless you give him reason to.
Keep things consistent, loving, and inclusive at your home and everything will probably work out fine. Sounds like you're doing all you can already to make sure he is adjusting and coping well. You're on the right track.
Don't worry do much. Make it a positive thing, and it will be. There are a lot of us here in similar situations of father having full custody and BM being 50 shades of crazy or just plain sick.
Good luck!
Yes, Congratulations! To be honest, your situation makes me feel like i'm reading about my husband and stepdaughter!
From what I've read, it sounds like you and your husband are doing everything that you can to make sure your SS has a good life and great opportunities.
My stepdaughter, who I consider my daughter, has been living with her Dad and I for 3 years. Her mom sees her a few times a year, giver her father and I nothing, and was neglectful of her prior to us having her live with us. Her mom asked for us to have her when she started going thru her 2nd divorce.
Truth be told, there's not to much you can do to keep her mom from saying bad things about your baby to him. I worry about the same thing. I'm 14.3 weeks. It sucks to say, especially since all you want to do is protect him. All you can do is show him how much you love and care about him. These kids are smart. My SD is 10 and she may not say too much about her mom, but she knows who cares for her, about her, and who loves her unconditionally. She knows who is always there for her, She also knows that her mother is not. Kids will always "love" the underdog parent. The same way adopted kids always want to meet their real parents even if their parents are drug addicts, or what not. Its an ideal notion they have; a fantasy of what it would be like.
This is also a difficult time for kids this age. They're around kids who have both their parents. They may wonder why their family is different. Hormones are staring up, and quite frankly, kids start to bully. As long as you stay true to what you say through your actions. He isn't going to care what, if anything, his mom says about the baby. Give him the reassurance he needs. Show him how much you both love him. That will be enough for him. Even if he doesn't see it now, he will see it as he gets older.
My SD knows how much her dad and I love her. She knows more about who takes care of her both financially and other wise, and reasons behind it, than she needs to. Its not gonna stop her from loving her mom, but it does give her reassurance in knowing that she has people who will ALWAYS be there for her.
I wish you luck! I'm sure all will be fine!
Congrats!
DH and I also have a very similar situation to what you have described but we haven't been together as long. a little over 2 years for us. SD's are now 6 and 8.
We have a 7mo together and BM made comments to SD's about my pregnancy. It seemed like BM was trying to get SD's to hate the idea as much as she did, I'm sure she would have said more but her visits are supervised. 8yo SD told BM about my pregnancy (she had just turned 7 at the time) BM scoffed and told SD's that it was going to be the ugliest baby in the world. That was just the beginning. BM in our situation is more concerned about what DH and I have going on than SD's.
My main concern was that since SD's and I had always spent a lot of time together that they would feel left out, even without what BM was saying in the equation.
I agree, it sounds like you are on the right track. I involved SD's in a lot of things during my pregnancy like picking out certain décor for baby's theme, picking out clothes and going to ultrasounds (farther into the pregnancy as I also miscarried right before becoming pregnant with LO) What BM said and still says does not have any impact on SD's love for LO, It at times blows up in BM's face when she brings it up, 8yo SD will go off on BM for saying anything about LO.
We also have that sucky issue of BM thinking she can hurt us by hurting SD's, and it works.
Good Luck and try not to worry about what BM could possibly be saying, I know easier said than done especially with the hormones. I commend you guys for having SS in counseling as it does offer an extra outlet. SD's are now seeing 3 counselors (as a team of counselors).
Congrats again & {HUGS}
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5