Interesting Article

lindsayanne14 · October 2014

Being both a wife and mother has been an adjustment for me, I'm not always sure I'm great at being both simultaneously. I imagine adding a new baby is going to put a whole new aspect to both parenting and being a spouse. I thought this article was interesting food for thought...

https://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/

Unknown · October 2014

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OliveMom3 · October 2014

I think this is a bit exaggerated. It's one thug to think your kid is awesome, it's another thing to let that be your sole purpose in life. People should know the difference but for the most part, the people I know, already do.

lindsayanne14 · October 2014

I guess I focused more on getting so wrapped up in parenting that your relationship gets put on the back burner. I never thought it would be as difficult as it can be to balance the two. My kid isn't quite old enough to tell if he's a jerk, but I'd like to think I'd be able to acknowledge it if he is

aliciafirewife · October 2014

Working in a peds office I see the "American" child centric model WAY too much. I would like to think that I'm not that way, but too many times I lay awake at night worrying if our son is attached enough, if those first three months that we didn't even know he existed and ripping him from the maternal bond that may have been created before his birth parents chose an adoption plan damged his psyche somehow, I wonder if I let him play independently too much while I clean or spend time for myself. I know he is fine, but the American way of child centric parenting causes much undue stress, and if not in check, can cause worse outcomes for the children.

Murran131 · October 2014

I think that's a great article, and I totally agree! I can't wait to have children, and I will love them with all my motherly heart, but I think it's important that my husband be first and foremost. If my relationship with him suffers because we have children, our marriage and eventually family unit will become unstable as well. I was raised by a mother who always let us kids know that daddy got priority. If there was only a couple of her amazing chocolate chip cookies left, we'd better leave them for dad. And that was healthy! It taught us respect for his leadership, even if we really wanted those cookies

missamERICA · October 2014

I read this article this morning and thought it was interesting as well... I found myself asking where I ranked. And I had to admit that if I had to choose, I would put my child above my husband 100% of the time ... without question -- and that's just because you are literally a part of that little being...and I would expect my husband to say the same. HOWEVER.. like everything.. it's about balance and the child shouldn't be able to know/see that so much that the child knows Dad gets the short straw. It's not healthy for all of the reasons the article stated and then some. That's why advice like "never stop dating" is important and also making your child aware that they are not the only person in the household. They need to learn patience, waiting, and respect as well.
I really liked the part where they asked if your whole world is the child, then what do you have left when the child leaves? That stuck out big time for me and I think will stay in the back of my mind.

ScarletOflaherty · October 2014

I agree 100%. My marriage comes first, because that will be there when my kids are grown and leave home.

I know WAY too many people who put their relationships on the backburner, essentially expecting their spouses to go the majority of their kids' childhood without getting the attention(and often the sex) that they did before the kids came along, and expect to just pick up where they left off with no resentment when the kids are older. Obviously things aren't entirely the same when little ones come along, but you should ALWAYS be making your spouse a priority in whatever little ways you can.

Not to mention that child-centered mentality does nothing good for the kids. Our job as parents is to raise productive, independent adults something sheltering and hovering over your kids does not do.

knitfastdiewarm · October 2014

I have a large family and we have a couple people who are very wrapped up in their children. Now that the children are leaving home, they are all struggling to find their identities outside of their kids again.

I really hope my H and I will be able to find the balance between taking care of our children and being adults as well. Thanks for sharing the article, OP.

jdles16 · October 2014

Thanks for sharing this! DH sent this to me this morning, and I found it really interesting. DH and I both value independence for our kids very highly. We'll see how things go for us as first time parents!

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