Late Term and Child Loss
OSUWifey09
member
Capture Your Grief: Day 2 {Heart} (siggy)
OSUWifey09
member
***Siggy***
For now, I think I am going to post daily threads and see how many people post. I am happy to switch to a weekly format (maybe post one thread to cover an entire week's worth of prompts and have us post to that instead). I love that people are participating in this. Love and hugs to all of you.
Today's prompt and description, taken from CarlyMarie's website:
Day 2: HEART. Last year, I asked people to post photos of their children on one of the days. Of course with me not giving this enough thought, this excluded all of the people who did not have photos of their children. So this year I wanted to do something that everyone could take part in, regardless of whether or not they have photographs. Today’s subject is inspired by the poem “I Carry Your Heart” by E.E. Cummings. Let’s flood the world with a sea of hearts in honour of all the children that we are dedicating this project to. Who are you carrying in your heart? Draw a heart to represent your own heart and write your children’s names in the center of your heart. If you did not name your children, just draw the number of hearts that you need to represent each life that you have carried. You do not need to be creative to do this, just a simple hand drawn heart will be perfect. You may want to write a little about your children’s stories. Who they are to you and what your hopes and dreams were for them. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. I look forward to seeing all of your beautiful hearts and reading more about your darling children.
For now, I think I am going to post daily threads and see how many people post. I am happy to switch to a weekly format (maybe post one thread to cover an entire week's worth of prompts and have us post to that instead). I love that people are participating in this. Love and hugs to all of you.
Today's prompt and description, taken from CarlyMarie's website:
Day 2: HEART. Last year, I asked people to post photos of their children on one of the days. Of course with me not giving this enough thought, this excluded all of the people who did not have photos of their children. So this year I wanted to do something that everyone could take part in, regardless of whether or not they have photographs. Today’s subject is inspired by the poem “I Carry Your Heart” by E.E. Cummings. Let’s flood the world with a sea of hearts in honour of all the children that we are dedicating this project to. Who are you carrying in your heart? Draw a heart to represent your own heart and write your children’s names in the center of your heart. If you did not name your children, just draw the number of hearts that you need to represent each life that you have carried. You do not need to be creative to do this, just a simple hand drawn heart will be perfect. You may want to write a little about your children’s stories. Who they are to you and what your hopes and dreams were for them. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. I look forward to seeing all of your beautiful hearts and reading more about your darling children.
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Re: Capture Your Grief: Day 2 {Heart} (siggy)
#CaptureYourGrief- Day 2: Heart
The idea of a child and the hope for a family began to take root and grow in my heart in 2009. It still grew through every Dr. appointment, every passing month and every failed fertility treatment. Hope bloomed and was shaken in the wind of uncertainty and fear over and over again.
At the start of June 2013 the miracle of nature and the miracle of science finally combined to turn those dreams and that hope into something bigger: the beating of a new heart. One that was separate from me and separate from Kenyon, yet beating within my body. Over the course of the days and weeks and months, the dreams in my heart continued to grow- boy scouts, soccer games, campfires and race cars. First steps, first days of school, first dates and first cars. All the things parents dream of for their children, and the hopes that we carry in our hearts.
I was excited and scared, and filled with those hopes.
Jesse was born on Sunday October 13, 2013 at 5:39 pm. My heart was pounding in my head, my throat, my ears; in my hands that clutched Kenyon's and in the fiery blood of my cheeks- but Jesse's had stopped. All the hopes and dreams we carried for his future- for my future as his mother, for Kenyon's future as his father- floated away in the silence of a hospital room.
I had to let those pieces of my heart go. As broken and as helpless as it made me feel, I had to let go of the things that would never be in order to make room for things that were still to come.
Today, since I can't carry Jesse in my arms, I carry him in my heart. I carry the memories of his short life and the hope that the sparks of his energy exist somewhere beyond this world. I carry the memory of his face and feet and hands, and I carry the love that began to grow the day we saw a tiny 4-celled embryo and still continues to grow. I carry hope for the future alongside pain from the past.
TTC since 2008
Dh:34, no issues. Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized. 2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!! 5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP! Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9 Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2 Beta 3 14dp5dt: 497 Please be our sticky rainbow baby!
"I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)" I carry the hearts of all my children with me. Always.