I think I need a pep talk. (UPDATE)

IrishTraveler · October 2014

I've been on maternity leave since July, and I am headed back to work in a couple of weeks. The thing is I am dreading the rat race. I'm dreading the rush to get everyone ready and out the door in the mornings. I'm dreading the 45-minute commute. I'm dreading the rush to get home, get everyone fed, and get them to bed. Basically, I'm toying with the idea of becoming a SAHM.

I love my job and the people I work with, but I don't have a set "career path." I think I might feel a little less on the fence about work if I was an attorney, a publicist, a scientist, etc. Pile on to that the doubled daycare cost, and I'm not bringing home a whole lot of money for all that time spent on the road every day and being away from my kids.

DH and I have already had this discussion about 1,000 times, and he's sick of it. He supports whatever decision I want to make but has encouraged me to give it some time back at work before I throw in the towel.

Please, someone give me a pep talk and tell me that I will feel better once I'm back in the saddle.

shakinros · October 2014

You will feel better once you're back at it. I cried so hard on my way to work the first day back from maternity leave that no one would sit next to me on the bus. Four weeks later I was glad to be there.

Change is stressful and you've just been through a huge one, and you're facing another big change going back to work. Try it for awhile before you make a big move to being a SAHM.

IrishTraveler · October 2014

I'm also feeling a little paralyzed--like no matter what decision I make, it'll be the wrong one. I have been making a little "pros/cons" list in my head for a while, and so far, they're just about even. I'm going to try to give it at least through the holidays to figure out a routine. The good news is I've already done it once, so I know what to expect. The bad news is I now have an extra kid to miss, get ready for school, etc.

TheBorg7of9 · October 2014

I think the best way to cope with going back to work is to not think about it at all. The anticipation is much worse than reality and only serves to ruin your last days at home.

VitaLuna · October 2014

TheBorg7of9 said:
I think the best way to cope with going back to work is to not think about it at all. The anticipation is much worse than reality and only serves to ruin your last days at home.

Agree with this 100%. I really feel like I missed out on a happy last couple weeks of maternity leave because I had such bad anxiety about returning to work.

I also agree with others to give yourself a set period of time and then re-evaluate. Give yourself at least 2 months back at work, then decide what course you want to take. Truly, though, the anticipation is so much worse than the actual, but it may be that being a WM isn't for you.

shannm · October 2014

IrishTraveler said:
I love my job and the people I work with, but I don't have a set "career path." I think I might feel a little less on the fence about work if I was an attorney, a publicist, a scientist, etc.

I wish this were true. I have a clear career trajectory and am seriously toying with walking away from it all together next year, after nearly 20 years of training to get to this point.

I agree with your DH. Your decision needs to be informed. You need to go back and see how it feels and reassess after a few months.

djm31012 · October 2014

I have been back at work since June of 2013 and I can tell you two things. 1) its gotten easier but still isnt easy 2) I am so glad I gave this a shot despite wanting to be home. That being said, DH and I have decided that in the new year I will be staying home and I cant wait. I am so glad I came back and for as long as I did because I allowed myself to get into a good routine, give this a really strong chance and I was just like you. Even this past new year DH wanted me to quit and I just didnt feel like it was right-as much as I wanted to stay home, I felt like it wasnt the best idea for us. And now I feel 100% confident in my decision. So if you are on the fence...you should definitely head back, give yourself a chance to get comfortable which is at least 6 weeks but probably longer, and then take it from there. When you make the decision you want to absolutely positive that its the best one for you and your family.

Iblamethebeer · October 2014

I know you asked for a pep talk about going back to work, but to be totally honest, if:

- I didn't have a set career path that I loved,

- there wasn't much cost difference between "two incomes - daycare" and "only DH's income", and

- I wasn't in a field where it would be a disaster to have a brief, highly explainable gap in my resume,

then I would take a year off and see how it felt.

IrishTraveler · October 2014

The job was really hard to land. It's a company where it's difficult to get a foot in the door. It took almost a year of interviews and job applications and networking to get it. Chances are I wouldn't be rehired if I walk away.

All of that aside, I do love my coworkers and the company. But part of the problem is my job responsibilities are changing, and I'm not quite sure what my new role is going to be. I'm nervous about that and the fact that I may end up in another department. I'm sure I'd adjust, but that doesn't negate the nervousness.

This has been a stressful year. We've experienced a lot of upheaval, and I had a scary pregnancy this last time around. I think my thought processes about work and how much of my life I want to put into it has changed. I'm willing to go back and give it a good go, but I'm wondering if my desire to put the effort into it has vanished. I have thought about taking a year off, but I probably can't go back to the job I love, and if I decide it was stupid to leave, that opportunity is gone. Therein lies the dilemma.

IrishTraveler · October 2014

Oh, and totally agree with the PPs who said the anticipation of returning to work is worse than going back. That's what I told my pregnant friends when I returned to work last time.

kristinc01 · October 2014

The advice to go back and wait a couple of months is a good idea.

During the trail period, try to determine what your new budget would be and then try to live off of that. So live off of your husband's paycheck and then your paycheck can cover daycare or and maybe your commute gas since those are two costs that you won't have to deal with when you are SAH and then don't touch the rest of your paycheck. See if the "paycut" is okay for your household.

Also I was going to say if you would plan on getting back into the workforce later on you should consider how easy it would be for re-entry. You did mention it was really hard to land your job. If you would plan to go back in the same field and about the same job, I wouldn't risk it.

mommaoftrips · October 2014

I will talk as a fellow mom of multiples - I too had the thoughts of staying home but so glad I went back. I am just over a year back - and honestly, it was probably at the 6 month point in that I was really glad I had. Don't stress about returning to work and 'just do', it will take time to get into the groove. You say you like your job and coworkers...those two things are key. I also feel like I have the same type of 'hard to get job' - some might even say dream job. Don't leave it until you have given balancing work/family a try. As others have said 'easier to try and walk away, than to walk away and hind-sight wish you had not'.

IrishTraveler · October 2014

I head back to work at the end of next week, so my anxiety level is down a bit due to a call from my boss. It looks like my new position will have me heavily involved in social media, which I am actually pretty skilled at. It means shifting to a new team, which I expected, but I will still have ties to my old team. I'm going to give it a fair shot since this is an entirely new role for me. I'm kind of excited.

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