TTC After a Loss

~*~June Bugs Check-In 9/30/14 ~*~

rmpar29rmpar29 member
edited September 2014 in TTC After a Loss

This is a weekly check-in for women who have suffered the loss of an angel with an EDD in June, no matter what the year.  You are welcome to join us, just post an intro including your EDD and the information below:

Where are you in your TTCAL journey/cycle, etc? Any updates/appointments you'd like to share?

Good luck to all of you!! If you leave for PGAL, please send me a PM so we can all congratulate you. If you are taking a bump break, please do the same!

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June badges:

https://ttcalbadges.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/june-1-e1407202177688.jpg?w=780

https://ttcalbadges.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/june-2-e1407202157824.jpg?w=780

https://ttcalbadges.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/june-3-e1407202166427.jpg?w=780

https://ttcalbadges.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/june-4-e1407202190123.jpg?w=780

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QOTW: I've been battling horrible insomnia lately.  I've been awake since 12:15 AM today.  What do you do to relax or "shut your brain off" at nighttime?

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June Bugs:

@CheesyPeas 6/15/2011 - We missed you last week honey.  How are you?  Do you have a follow-up scheduled for this week?  How are the meds going?

@MrsG80inTN 6/4/2014 - We missed you last week sweetie, but I know work's been insane for you.  I see you finally got CHs, how are you feeling about this month?

@kittymeowbark 6/21/2014 -  I'm so sorry to see that BFN.  How are you doing?

@towncargirl 6/27/2014 -  How are you this week?  Have you had any O signs yet? 

 

If your name is missing from above, please let me know and post an update. Some are not included as we have not heard from you in many weeks.

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TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
6/2010
 BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

My chart here  All ALers welcome!
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
June 3Missing Our January Snowflake

Re: ~*~June Bugs Check-In 9/30/14 ~*~

  • Good Morning Ladies!

    Yeah, BFN on 12DPO...expecting AF on Friday :-S

    This is how I been feeling lately
    image

    With all the shit that is going on in my life with yet another cycle of ttc, my best friend being a complete BITCH to the point that we might stop talking to each other after being friends for 15+ years, and with work really maiking it hard for me to focus on school...I am just going to patiently (maybe not so patiently) wait for the storm to be over.
    image
    In the mean time, I am going to stuff my face and study for yet another exam that I am not prepared for.
    image

    Have a great day ladies!!

    QOTW: I've been battling horrible insomnia lately.  I've been awake since 12:15 AM today.  What do you do to relax or "shut your brain off" at nighttime?

    I snuggle with a kitty and turn down the tv for only whit noise.
    image

    PS...sorry for all the gifs...I am clearly finding ALL ways to procrastinate today b-(


    rmpar29  --- Thanks for the check in!  Have you tried chamomile tea? I used to make it for H when he would have a hard time going to sleep. (Try not to add any sugar in to it.)
    GL and I hope you get some shut eye!

    Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011
    TTC since 2012
    BFP#1EDD: 06/21/2014  ~  TFMR --Holoprosencephaly 
    Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
    My Chart image
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image
    imageimage
    imageimageimage      
  • @kittymeowbark - I'm so sorry that you are going through so much!  My BFF and I have gone through similar times.  We have stopped talking, but we always find our way back to each other.  I hope that you and your friend can do the same.  Many, many (((((HUGS)))) hon!  Good luck with your exam and life in general.  And I enjoyed all of the GIFs, so thanks for that. 

    Unfortunately, I HATE all tea and coffee.  I wish I liked both at this point in time.  I tried snuggling with my dog last night, but he's a terrible snorer, so that didn't work.  I use a fan for white noise and that was on.  :( Just nothing worked. 
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • Loading the player...
  • rmpar29 said:

    @CheesyPeas 6/15/2011 - We missed you last week honey.  How are you?  Do you have a follow-up scheduled for this week?  How are the meds going?

     

    *****Ugh, why do I always get myself stuck in the quote box??*****

    Sorry I've been MIA.  I've kind of removed myself from TB and social media because I'm starting to feel a lot of panic and anxiety about Layla due date coming up.  After getting over the inital shock of her being gone and starting to kind of work through my grief, it's all rushing back to me again and I'm having a hard time accepting that this is my life.

    Unfortunately too, today is CD1.  It took a really long time to conceive Layla, so I knew that the likelihood of a BFP right out of the gates was slim to none but I still kind of had this hope deep down that the universe would throw me a bone and let me be pregnant for her EDD in a few weeks and let me have a baby in my arms by the time her first birthday rolls around next July.  Now I have no hope of a BFP before her EDD, and if my body ovulates on time this cycle, I will be out of town for my fertile window.  Just another middle finger from the universe...

    As for the other stuff, meds are going okay.  The shots could definitely be way worse.  I'm getting pretty good at the poke, and the burn of the medicine is pretty tolerable. My stomach looks HORRIBLE though.  I have bruises all over, and the knots from the medicine stick around for a few days after the shot so my abdomen is pretty nasty.  My DH tells me I look like a drug addict.  I'm giving my stomach a break from them for the next couple of weeks and will start up again after O.  My follow up appointment with the hematologist is on 11/11.

    QOTW:  It sounds weird but I try to visualize thoughts being pushed out of my brain.  I envision all the noise getting pushed out of my brain and then this little force field thing around my head protecting the emptiness inside.  It actually works for me most of the time.  I just focus on the emptiness.  And if I start to think of something else, I visualize another force field swooping in and chasing that thought away too.  Strange, I know.


    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • @kittymeowbark, ((hugs)) to you hon.  I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of that.  Good luck to you on your exam, and I'll pray that things start to turn around for you.

    @rmpar29, have you tried any meds or is your insomnia frequent enough that meds would need to be more than just an occasional fix?  Since Unisom is something that you can take while pregnant for morning sickness, I assume it's probably fairly low for TTC too.  Speaking of which, it looks like you're still TTA?  Was that a personal decision or did your BCP get extended?

    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • @CheesyPeas - So many (((HUGS))) love!  I know how hard those EDD are.  For me, the anxiety of the EDD looming is worse than the actual day, but that could just be me.  Please know that I am here to help you through this is anyway I can!  I'm glad that the meds aren't too bad.  Sorry that I had your follow-up wrong.  I thought it was 2 weeks, not months.  Whoops.  X_X 

    I used to visualize things, like things I wanted to happen.  This summer kind of left me void of good thoughts though and I'm having a hard time visualizing good things.  I hadn't tried pushing the thoughts away.  I don't think it sounds weird at all. 
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • @CheesyPeas - I didn't see your follow-up post until I had posted.  Yes, I've taken meds in the past, just trying not to.  I hate having to rely on something to sleep, but I think I will have to take something tonight.  It was a personal decision to TTA for another cycle.  There's just some personal things that need to be taken care of and I'd like to lose a bit more weight before TTC. 
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • @rmpar29, thanks for the support, lady.  I keep hoping that making it past my due date will be some kind of milestone for me but I think my thoughts will just morph into thinking how old my baby should be, remembering that I was supposed to be on maternity leave for certain project implementations at work that I'm instead working on, remembering when I pull a bra out of my drawer in the morning that I'm supposed to be wearing a nursing bra instead, etc.  Every stinkin thing manages to be a trigger somehow.  Hopefully my PMS and AF emotions are just amplifying all of this anxiety recently and that next week I'll be in a better place.

    Good luck to you with the weight loss and taking care of some personal things!  I hope you're back in the game and in a good spot soon!  When the day comes, will you be trying naturally or will you be jumping into IUI?  I feel like I should know that already but I don't think I do...

    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • @CheesyPeas - I hope that you find some peace soon!  Maybe do something special with DH this weekend to help you relax.  Or, get a mani/pedi or a massage to try to de-stress.  Many ((((HUGS)))))  When we start trying, it's going to be naturally for at least the rest of this year.  We really don't want to have to go through treatments/IUI again.  The co-pays just add up so quickly!  I am out of medical reimbursement, hence why we will be trying on our own, but maybe once the new year hits and I have reimbursement again we may make a different decision.  TBH, the thought of another twin pregnancy terrifies me and that's another reason we don't want to go back to the RE.  I'm not sure that we will change our minds this time, but that's what we said last time too.  I just hope that my weight loss will be what we need to conceive naturally. 
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • @rmpar29  -- thanks. I hope our friendship can withstand this. We have also stopped speaking to each other and came back as if nothing ever happend, but this time I need to evaluate if we may have simply grown apart. Any-who, I must say you are the first person I heard who does not like tea AND coffee. How do you survive the mornings?...lol  I am all out of ideas for sleep suggestions. I really hope you are able to find something that works for you.


    @CheesyPeas  --- oh hun. LOTS and LOTS of hugs to you. Sorry AF showed herself. I know exactly how you feel about wanting a rainbow before the EDD. Really really sucks and I am sorry. I do find the weeks leading up to an EDD harder than the day itself. Try not to dwell on it ( I know it is easier said than done.) It took us almost a year to KTFU with baby J and clearly it is taking a long time this round as well. It gets harder to deal with each month, but we keep trying because at the eod we want our rainbow. HUGS and hopefully you have your rainbow very soon.
    Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011
    TTC since 2012
    BFP#1EDD: 06/21/2014  ~  TFMR --Holoprosencephaly 
    Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
    My Chart image
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image
    imageimage
    imageimageimage      
  • Hi ladies - sorry I'm such a crappy check-in buddy lately.  Last week was nutso... this week is only slightly better, but my boss is out of town which adds stress on me, and we are prepping for vacay.

    I'm feeling so-so about this cycle... since it was just clomid I have no idea how I will respond.  I do think that I O'd onCD17 instead of CD19, but who knows.  It was nice to get CHs for the first time in a few months... I never get them with HCG shot so this was different. 

    @kittymeowbark - sorry everything is so stressful right now.  I hope you can get some peace soon and that things work out OK with your friend

    @rmpar29 - for me, I read at night to relax... it's my only option as DH insists on having the TV off... if I'm traveling I put the TV on low so that there's noise in the background.  

    @cheesypeas - so many hugs.  I'm sorry about CD1.  I'm thinking of you as I know it's difficult when you just want things to work out in a timing that seems right... I wish I had answers for you, but I just don't.  :-( 

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  • Hey ladies!  I just want to send you all big, humungous (((((HUGS)))).  Seems like we are struggling a bit.  I really wish we could meet up IRL and have a couple drinks and vent.  I'm always here if there's anything I can do!

    @kittymeowbark - Diet Pepsi is my go-to in the morning.  I've tried many different varieties of tea and coffee and don't like any of them.  Ever dark chocolate tastes like coffee to me and I can't eat it.  I do understand growing apart.  My best friend and I are definitely not as close as we used to be.  We're just at really different stages of life.  We are still there for each other if the other one needs use, but we only actually talk once in awhile anymore.  I know how much it hurts to lose that close friendship.  I hope you are able to work through this and move on in whatever manner is best for you. 

    @MrsG80inTN - Nice to "see" you girly!  I'm really surprised that you don't get a temp spike with an HCG trigger.  Have you brought that up to your RE?  That's a bit concerning to me.  I'm keeping everything crossed for you lady!  If this cycle doesn't work, maybe you should push to try Femara next cycle.  Just a thought...

    Just need to whine a bit...I'm having another migraine today.  I've taken stuff to help me sleep, but I'm wondering if I'm pushing myself too hard in my workouts and that's causing my migraines.  I don't feel like I'm overexerting, but it seems like the days I really push and burn a lot of calories that I get a migraine.  I need to do some research today to see if that's a possibility. 
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • @MrsG80inTN - Nice to "see" you girly!  I'm really surprised that you don't get a temp spike with an HCG trigger.  Have you brought that up to your RE?  That's a bit concerning to me.  I'm keeping everything crossed for you lady!  If this cycle doesn't work, maybe you should push to try Femara next cycle.  Just a thought...

    Well, I've brought it up to the nurse, but she told me "The doctors here don't take temps into consideration - You O'd, trust me"... which makes me not trust her, and a doctor hasn't told me that at all... I'm not very happy with the office as you might imagine :-(  My DH thinks that since I'm not getting a temp shift maybe the shot isn't triggering O at 36 hours like they say it should.  And they've told me to take progesterone at shot + 3 so DH wonders if I've somehow taken progesterone too early and hampered my O... So much to think about :-( 

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  • @MrsG80inTN - The more you tell me about your RE office the more red flags pop into my head.  Anyway you could get a second opinion?
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • We may get a second opinion, but of course this is the only RE that does IVF in the city so that makes things a little difficult.


    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  • @MrsG80inTN - I would recommend a second opinion.  You can always go back to this doc later if need be.  How far is another IVF doc from you?
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • At least 3 hours :-( 

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


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