This is tacky, right?

melody921 · October 2014

I know I've posted before about my super-religious colleague who's been spending the last 4 months at the office planning her wedding. Well, now we're a month out from the big day, and another colleague came into the office today holding a wedding invite -- to the ceremony only. And of course their wedding website, complete with all three registries, is listed on the back.

Engaged colleague had mentioned once in passing that their guest list was getting long and she wasn't sure how they'd have everyone, so some people might just be invited to the church. I thought that sounded a tad gauche, but didn't really think she'd follow through on it. I'm sure my ceremony-only invite is sitting in my mailbox as well. No way am I attending this. I think it screams "You're not good enough to join us for food, drinks and dancing, but come see us get married and don't forget a gift."

Am I just old-fashioned, or is this in really poor taste?

Holly_1007 · October 2014

Tacky

AlinnJo · October 2014

Oh so tacky. It was always my thought that you give a gift and they provide food and a good time. I would not bring a gift to a wedding only ESPECIALLY if there was a reception afterwards and I just didn't make the cut. Nope.

watercolor5 · October 2014

I think the only time it makes sense/isn't tacky to invite people to a ceremony and not a reception, is if you invite the entire congregation of the church. It's tacky to invite work colleagues and not have them to the celebration afterward.

kelbel527 · October 2014

We've been invited to celebration only (not dinner), to a wedding of colleague that DH wasn't very close with. That didn't offend me, because we still came for the celebration and drinks etc.

I would prefer to get no invitation than to get a ceremony-only invite. It's tacky.

smb+jab · October 2014

Umm first I find it tacky to include your registry information with the wedding invitation.

and then second to only invite people the ceremony and not the reception is beyond ignorant. Yeah i would not be going and not sending a gift.

Now I have had a friend who didn't include the reception information in the wedding invite but the entire church was invited to the reception afterward. There was an announcement made and direction cards were handed out. However this does not sound like that kind of situation.

MRoxy0628 · October 2014

Tacky. And I love that you used the word gauche.

KellersPrag · October 2014

I don't think it's tacky to invite only to the ceremony, but if they expect a gift, then yes it is. My very close friend got married a year and a half ago, and I was only invited to the ceremony. I had no issue with that.

I take more of an issue with people thinking that they have to be invited to the reception to be shown that they are important. What's the wedding about? Love and celebrating marriage, or the party? (This isn't directed at you. In this case, if they expect a gift only for the ceremony, yes they're strange.)

Kissty · October 2014

I've been invited to reception only. But that was because it was a Vietnamese/Chinese wedding and we don't speak either. In this situation I think it is extremely tacky and would not attend and adding the gift registry just makes it way worse.

MommaP12 · October 2014

Tacky. Bonus points for using gauche too.

Hyaline · October 2014

Tacky. More than tacky. Fucking rude.

Sorry, Kellers, your friend was rude. Unless they didn't have a reception or just went out to dinner with family or something like that. Inviting to ceremony only and having a "top tier" list of guests who are invited to a reception is wholesale rude.

The only time this is ok is like what watercolor said--in some churches, the entire congregation is wholesale invited to all events like this. There's no obligation to invite those folks to the reception. But even in those cases, the invitation is usually issued to the full group--like the minister announces it in church or it's posted on an events bulletin board or printed in the church newsletter. I've never heard of an invitation being sent to individuals in that case.

People and their self-centered princess days...gah. If they took the time to actually think they'd see pretty darn quickly how rude this is.

melody921 · October 2014

smb+jab said:

Umm first I find it tacky to include your registry information with the wedding invitation.

and then second to only invite people the ceremony and not the reception is beyond ignorant. Yeah i would not be going and not sending a gift.

Now I have had a friend who didn't include the reception information in the wedding invite but the entire church was invited to the reception afterward. There was an announcement made and direction cards were handed out. However this does not sound like that kind of situation.

YES, I agree on the registry info!

And you're right, they are not going to be handing out reception info at the church. The invite specifically says "ceremony only."

melody921 · October 2014

MRoxy0628 said:

Tacky. And I love that you used the word gauche.

Haha, so few excuses to use that word in life.

crene84 · October 2014

Wow I've heard of the reverse (if it's a tiny church) but never just getting invited to the ceremony. Crazy..

bosha711 · October 2014

I think it's tacky. I understand just casually verbally inviting co-workers to the ceremony – kind of like, "You're more than welcome to come to the church if you're free that day!". But no way would I send a formal invite for ceremony only & then be ballsy enough to include registry info.

hmp1 · October 2014

Didn't we talk about this already? I don't mind inviting the office to the ceremony only if it is done in an informal manner, similar to an invite the congregation ceremony. We have gone to a ceremony only of coworker we are not super close with, with an informal invite. No reason for them to spend $50+ a plate for us but it was nice to be a witness to the ceremony. It was a traditional Mexican catholic ceremony complete with a mariachi band and all in Spanish. We didn't bring a gift to the wedding. The office collected a wedding gift fund and gave a gift card at the office from everyone.

melody921 · October 2014

hmp1 said:

Didn't we talk about this already? I don't mind inviting the office to the ceremony only if it is done in an informal manner, similar to an invite the congregation ceremony. We have gone to a ceremony only of coworker we are not super close with, with an informal invite. No reason for them to spend $50+ a plate for us but it was nice to be a witness to the ceremony. It was a traditional Mexican catholic ceremony complete with a mariachi band and all in Spanish. We didn't bring a gift to the wedding. The office collected a wedding gift fund and gave a gift card at the office from everyone.

I may have mentioned it when she first brought it up in passing. It's the formal invite, listing ceremony only, that's throwing me here. Word of mouth invite would have been different. Even more odd is that she's not staying at this job after she gets married, so I feel even less of a connection.

danabsd · October 2014

Oh man, I thought the FB event invite from H's cousin I got saying "we couldn't get paper invites to everyone but please come (and here's our registry)" 3 days and 3s states away was the worst of it.
Tacky. Tacky. TACKY.

melody921 · October 2014

danabsd said:

Oh man, I thought the FB event invite from H's cousin I got saying "we couldn't get paper invites to everyone but please come (and here's our registry)" 3 days and 3s states away was the worst of it. Tacky. Tacky. TACKY.

Haha, that's pretty bad.

eshee8198 · October 2014

Add to super tacky. I don't care if you have to have a backyard barbeque to keep costs down, important enough to invite to the ceremony means important enough to invite to the party. And I am super judgey over registries in general, so printing them on the invite, a ceremony only invite, natch, just sends me into a tailspin.

Although DH's BFF did ask us if he thought it would be okay to charge people to come to his wedding, so there's that.

JulesDiane · October 2014

Painfully tacky. I don't even know her and I want to punch her.

miss50 · October 2014

I don't understand why people even invite people they don't care about to any festivities. Get married, have the important people, the others won't care that they weren't invited. Unless you are gift grabby, which appears to be the case.

brachysira · October 2014

I agree that including registry info on invites is very bad! If you invite people to watch you get married, that is what you are doing and giving a gift should be (in your mind) optional. An invite to bring a gift is very tacky.

If you cannot afford to serve dinner to your wedding guests, just cake is fine. If you cannot afford to have a reception at all, fine. If you have a small church and only invite your non-church friends to the reception, fine. However, if you choose to invite someone, you should plan festivities that you can afford to share with them. Excluding some people but accepting their gifts is in very poor taste.

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