Surprise on ultrasound, not sure how to process

jesswein9 · October 2014

Sorry in advance for the novel, but I need somewhere to get this all out. I knew that you all would be the only ones that would really understand the emotions that I am trying to sort through.

So yesterday I had a dating ultrasound at 11w1d. I had gone through weekly ultrasounds at the RE, but this was the first with the OB practice. Everything was completely fine with my baby, which I was ecstatic about. I even got to see the little one dancing and wiggling arms and legs like crazy in there. During the test the tech said that she found a smaller, empty gestational sac. She said that this most likely meant that I started out having twins and one did not develop.

I really didn’t process any of this until much later in the day, as I was just relieved that my one baby appeared normal and developing on track. Once I had time to really process what else happened during the appointment I had a mix of emotions, which quite frankly I really don’t even know how to put into words. How do you grieve the loss of something that you learned about after it was already gone? To make matters worse my husband clearly said the wrong things not even thinking--- “Well, we didn’t even want twins.” Where did the ‘we’ come from? I certainly never said that. Or then he said, “Well everything is fine with our baby, so just focus on that.” It is all so confusing since this was probably my 6^th ultrasound of this pregnancy and none of this was ever discovered before. I contacted my RE to consult her about everything and she said that the ultrasound machine at the OB may just be of higher quality, but it still has me scratching my head a little bit.

What really scares me about the whole thing is that I have already had three previous losses, one that was confirmed chromosomal in nature. Vanishing twin syndrome is often related to chromosomal abnormalities, which then makes me worry about the quality of my eggs and if this current baby that is doing well is in fact chromosomally healthy. Due to my history I had the harmony test done, so I will have that answer in two weeks. Just praying that things are healthy.

MSU_Girl1202 · October 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this and YH had that reaction to it.
I honestly don't know how I would react...I would guess I'd be upset, but it's a very strange situation. Just wanted to send ((hugs))

mrsjg2013 · October 2014

I don't have any experience with this, but I wanted to offer some ((HUGS)). I can completely understand grieving the loss of the other little one- I would feel the same way. The results of your test should put your mind at ease so that you can enjoy the little life that is thriving inside of you

pblge · October 2014

I'm sorry (((hugs))). I had a vanishing twin early in this pregnancy and it is hard to process. I think how it feels is very dependent on the timeline. For us, two sacs were seen on a Friday, and only one was seen on Monday, after a bleed, so I didn't have a lot of time to get attached to the idea of twins. I can imagine that the way you found out is even stranger to process. It does help to know that vanishing twins are very common, up to 1/8 pregnancies, although most women never have any idea.

Personally, I do count it as a loss, although it didn't affect me nearly as strongly as my other two single-pregnancy losses. (The main reason I count it is for the information that provides my doctors, similar to what you mentioned about chromosomal issues, not to tally up my woes, or anything like that.) I had ambiguous feelings about the idea of twins, but now I'm entirely focused on the healthy LO still growing. I congratulate you on your otherwise great ultrasound! Sending you hugs for the more difficult parts.

TVLily · October 2014

Big ((hugs)) Hun, I agree however you feel is OK, there is no right or wrong. I hope you get your answers back soon on your harmony test.

Lesliem0901 · October 2014

No advice. Just wanted to offer comfort and hugs. I'm sure it was difficult to process...

chicagojackie · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs to you.

Fwiw...
As much as I love H, I know he processes things differently and sometimes blurts things out. Doesn't make it okay but it is what it is.

nohalo21 · October 2014

Sending hugs your way. Your feelings are valid and normal. Unfortunately, men don't always think and think they are saying the right thing. Hoping time flies by to when you get your results.

kate6214 · October 2014

No advice, but that must be so hard to process. ((((Hugs)))) sorry that your husband was insensitive. It's hard to grieve for something you knew nothing about.

dragonfly1809 · October 2014

I don't have any advice, just want to offer a big hug. That's a lot to process. Hugs hugs hugs.

BackstreetPixie · October 2014

I just want to offer love and hugs. I don't know how i would process that info, especially since I would LOVE to have twins, (and my cousin is having twins and i am a tad jealous. Okay maybe more than a tad) ::hugs::