Advice? shower, family, stress...RANT

MKateG · October 2014

So I mentioned this in the 2nd tri check-in but after just talking to my mom which dies nothing but stress me out lately I feel even more confused and stressed about this. I have a shower coming up in about two weeks, ill be 26 weeks (with twins) at that time. My family all lives 2 hours away and this was going to be the last trip back before the babies come for DH and I. Obviously I do not want to miss my shower after working so hard to get here I want to enjoy it and see family and friends I haven't seen in a while. I haven't had any real problems with this pregnancy only some period like cramps when I over exert myself and done braxton hicks (which my family freaked out over). So now they are all ganging up on me saying I shouldn't chance riding back for the shower because that can cause preterm labor and if anything happens ill be two hours from my dr and hospital with a level 3 nursery. My sister like poured her heart out to me last night saying I shouldn't chance it and I just need to stay home so mentioned that convo to my mom (which I immediately regretted) and she also starts in starting well it's not just your sister everyone thinks you shouldn't come but if your not going to listen then whatever just don't listen to us. So that just flat out pissed me off. I want to go, and obviously wouldn't do anything to harm my babies I mean I just quit my job so that I could eliminate that stressor from my life and focus on these babies. If I take frequent breaks while riding and start hydrated am I really risking something? I don't have any medical problems that could put me at risk for preterm besides having twins, am I being selfish by still wanting to go or is my family freaking out over nothing? I really don't know what to do!

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

If your doctor gives you the okay, I don't see any reason why not.

I just flew on a plane (1 hr flight, 2 hour layover, and a 3 hr flight) to go to my shower at 25 w. Granted, carrying one baby not two. And I will be flying again in 4 weeks to visit my inlaws at 29 w. My doctor asked me to stop traveling more than 2 hours away as of 32 w. To be honest, I wish I didn't have to fly in a month - the pressure from the plane was uncomfortable.

And no, riding in a car won't cause preterm labor. End of story. They're misinformed. At least in a car, there's no pressure issues like a plane, and you can stop and walk around whenever you want.

I would tell them you consulted your doctor, who said it was fine (do put a call in, but I doubt there's even a concern) and that it would even be good for you. Then just shut any naysayers down - "Thanks for your concern, but my doctor says it is fine and I feel fine so it's my choice."

MKateG · October 2014

Thank you! And my dr has already told me its fine to travel, just get out of the car each hour and walk a little. My family just has some trust issues when it comes to drs and pregnancy because of issues they have heard about with other ppl. But I know that every situation is different and cannot be treated the same. (Im not even going to go there with them) I just don't know why they have to cause all this undue stress for me, but DH said just don't worry about them its not their decision :-)

AMShark · October 2014

If you doctor said it was ok, I don't see why your sister and mother think they know better. I can see why you're so frustrated.

Would it do any good to try to explain to them that the stress of them arguing with you, and dismissing your opinion and your trust in your doctor is likely far worse than a 2 hour car ride?

gsancho · October 2014

I don't know your family, but if it was me, I'd get sassy and ask if they needed to see a note from my doctor for permission. It is no different from sitting in a chair for 2 hours, and you will be getting out and walking around.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

@gsancho‌ - I want to see you get sassy :-D

Oh, thought of one more thing - my freaking hospital is nearly 1 hour from my house. I drive 2 hours to work at least once a week. It's so totally notttttt a big deal to be in a car for 2 hours (esp if your DH drives and you can recline if you get uncomfortable)!

gsancho · October 2014

southernyankeegirl said:

@gsancho‌ - I want to see you get sassy :-D

I'll admit, it doesn't happen that often

But when I do, it's not pretty. People at work still joke with me about the time I kicked a producer out of our office.

Mrs.McIrish · October 2014

I think you should plan on going. If for some reason, you aren't feeling well the week leading up to the shower, you can reevaluate. I went away Labor Day weekend when I was 26wks and a few days. It was 2 hrs. The car ride was fine. My shower was in the middle of 28/29 weeks (it was local) but I could have driven 2 hrs. I'm now 31 wks with twins and skipping a wedding this weekend that is 2 hrs away. I just don't feel well enough to get dressed/socialize etc. You will know if you aren't up for it. Can something happen all of a sudden? Of course but usually there are warning signs leading up to it.

BabyKsMommy · October 2014

I went on a 6 hr car ride at 24 wks. We were going to an amusement park so think all day on your feet and it was pretty hot too. My twins are fine, they are still happily baking.

I don't think a 2 hr car ride is a big deal at all. As pp suggested I would tell them your Dr said it was fine.

rox825 · October 2014

Not having twins, but I flew to another state when I was about 28 weeks. I had a dr appointment within the week before to get the OK. If the dr gives you the OK, I say go!

Saintelizabeth · October 2014

If it's fine with your dr it should be fine with your family. I understand they are only thinking of you and your babies safety but a 2 hour drive isn't a big deal. Tell them to tone down the crazy

Siona1976 · October 2014

Agree with PP. Wanted to say, I'm having twins and traveled 4 hrs by car for a cousins wedding when I was 27 weeks (was OK'ed by docs too). Sorry that they are stressing you out with this, but I would echo that the docs are OK with this & as long as you feel comfortable that you'd like to see friends & family. Good luck!

pblge · October 2014

Agree with PP that if your doctor thinks this is okay, there is no reason for your parents to overrule him/her. Sorry you're dealing with this. My mother tends to make happy occasions stressful too.

...But now I'm worried that our plan to drive to OH's sister's house for Christmas when I'm about 23/24 weeks is ill-advised. Should I simply plan on asking my doc, or are there reasons one isn't supposed to drive at that stage?

ccam · October 2014

I don't see any reason not to drive 2 hours - that's nothing! Especially if your doctor is fine with it. My shower was at 35 weeks, 2 hours away and I didn't think twice about it (granted I wasn't having twins, but still). I say go for it!

MKateG · October 2014

@pblge no there's no reason that driving isn't advised my dr just told me to stop each hour to stretch, but as long as your feeling well and not having any problems you will be fine to go to your sisters for Christmas :-)

Cutiecruz327 · October 2014

I would go. Driving is fine. If your doctor says it's ok then it's ok.

absolutelymaybe · October 2014

All I can say is, if the doctor doesn't have a problem with it and you don't get put on bed rest for anything, go for it.

I know your family is just being cautious, but they have to understand that even with a twin pregnancy you're not disabled, you're pregnant!

I'll be 33 weeks this week with a fairly smooth twin pregnancy and, honestly, even now I'd probably be OK making that trip if I needed to. Would I be comfortable in the car? Perhaps notsomuch, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't make me go into labor. At 26 weeks I would've been just fine.

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Advice? shower, family, stress...RANT

Re: Advice? shower, family, stress...RANT

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Advice? shower, family, stress...RANT

Re: Advice? shower, family, stress...RANT

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!