Anxiety re: LO sickness

Codypup · October 2014

I was going to hide this in the Randoms thread but figured I'd put it out here for real.

I realized last night that my anxiety is pretty intense when it comes to W being sick (or even potentially sick). Last night I was 100% convinced she had an ear infection (clawing at her ears, fussy, refusing to fall asleep unless she was upright on me). No fever, but I had given her tylenol earlier for what I thought was teething pain.

I literally felt myself start to spiral into a scary mental place. Like my heart started racing, I started sweating, and I started visualizing a sleepless night and potential ER visit. I think some of this is exacerbated because my H is gone and I'm alone. It's also a million times worse at night vs. daytime.

In all other aspects re: LO I'm relatively chill. But any threat of illness sends me to crazy places where I'm frightened and borderline panicked. August was a scary month, with 2 ER visits and back to back illnesses, but I don't know that that warrants my dramatic reaction. I've pretty much felt like this re: sickness ever since she was born.

So I guess my question is, does anyone else get like this when their kiddo is sick? Any suggestions to help calm the F down? Logically, I know babies and kids get sick. Like, a lot. I need to find a way to chill out because she's going to get sick many, many more times in her life, and I can't keep panicking like I am.

Also, FWIW, I woke up to a happy, fever-free baby this morning. There's still some ear pulling, but nothing like last night. I'm still thinking about taking her to the pedi for peace of mind, but I don't feel nearly as panicked as I did last night.

TIA. Sorry it's long.

Dexter&11 · October 2014

Em has a cold - I panicked and wanted to rush her to the hospital with what I was convinced was pneumonia! My other half just rolls his eyes at me and tells me she wouldn't be smiling her little heart out if she was really sick.

Codypup · October 2014

JoyBaby5 said:

((Hugs)) Remember when I went on vacation? This is how I felt. I had the same feelings, just a different trigger than you. Usually, when you start spiraling out of control, it's a form of an anxiety attack. I had to do some research to find that I had anxiety that needed medication, when i experienced a trigger situation. For me, it's leaving L. I would talk with your doctor to see if he/she thinks you'd benefit fm from some medication to take on an as needed basis, when W gets sick. Mine doesn't make me drowsy, just helps me chill the F out.

See, this is where I run into trouble. Because I'm in recovery for alcoholism/addiction, I choose not to take anti anxiety pills. (They can absolutely trigger a response in my body which will "awaken" my disease. I'm the kind of person who would decide I needed 3 pills instead of 1, you know? It it could spiral really quickly.) If things got reallllly bad, I would consider the idea, but if possible I'd like to steer clear of anti anxiety meds for now.

Trust me though, my head went there. And I'm jealous of people who can take them safely.

I just wish I could be cool, calm and collected in the face of illness. I'm just not.

Codypup · October 2014

JoyBaby5 said:

@Codypup‌ Ah, I didn't think about that. I'm sorry. I'd want to stay away from them as well. One thing that helps me when I'm having a lot of anxiety is to ask myself, "Is this rational?" That usually helps me get out of the spiral, help me take a step back and calm down a little.

Good lord, this is so simple, but I absolutely love it. I need to get my logical brain to match my emotions, and maybe lying it out like that could help.

Codypup · October 2014

@njb750

I could mow the lawn!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. Seriously though, you're right, exercise helps my overall mood, and I'd do myself a favor by getting more active.

BB0214 · October 2014

Ditto to what everyone else said. I just want to add that being tired also can make anxiety much worse. FWIW, I think you're doing a great job with Mr. Pup being away for so long. That would be hard on anyone.

shellbell3845 · October 2014

(((hugs))) friend. I think some anxiety is completely normal. I think it's also normal to take a couple symptoms and go nuts with what it could be. (I once almost rushed my child to the ER in the MOTN during a monsoon because I thought his testicles looked funny. They were perfectly normal. I was convinced something was wrong and that I was going to ruin him if a dr didn't see him right away.)

I always worry more when DH is gone. He's a source of strength and security for me, and when he's not here, I get overwhelmed more easily which can lead to anxiety. I wonder if your anxiety will lessen when you're settled in Nashville with Mr. Pup. You've got a lot going on, mama. I think anxiety is normal in your situation.

Can you do some breathing exercises? Stretches? Yoga? Is there some kind of music you could listen to and just shut your eyes and take deep breaths? Write down your concerns and how you're handling those concerns?

That said, if it's debilitating to the point where you can't take care of yourself or W, you should seek an opinion of a doctor.

boogerbearoriginal · October 2014

I love the "is this rational?" question - it really can help you stop the spiral of terror.

Sounds like you've got some anxiety, which is totally understandable given the amount of stress you've had the past 6m-ish between having Willa in the first place and then all the upheaval lately with new job and relocation plus not having H home to help.

Have you ever done meditation/breathing exercises? I highly recommend it as a non-medicinal way to help alleviate stress in general, but also works as a great coping tool when you're having an anxiety attack.

Codypup · October 2014

Thanks @shellbell3845 @disneypeanut @boogerbearoriginal

I haven't done breathing exercises before. Or meditation. I feel like I'm naturally too high strung to sit quietly for more than 30 seconds. That being said, I'm willing to try it. I feel like yoga could be wonderful for me because it's directed and supposedly calming. Maybe I can find a place in Nashville that also provides child care?

@armfruit, thank you for reminding me that the ER visits were no small thing. It's effing scary to take your kid to the ER, especially when you don't know what's wrong in the first place and she's screaming and burning up. There was also the night when my H was on his interview, where W just cried all night long and I was alone and didn't know what was wrong or what to do.

Those experiences left me at the place that at any sign of illness, I immediately jump to the worst conclusion. Apparently a lot of you guys do that too, though, which makes me relieved. (I also feel somewhat validated that I'm not completely insane!)

@caer, congrats to your hubs on his sobriety! I would be more willing to consider an anti-depressant over an anti-anxiety med for the exact reasons you described.

I'm hoping things calm down some in the next week, as I finish up work (two more days!) and can focus on packing. It's interesting to me that W being potentially sick is such a big trigger for me - perhaps has something to do with being powerless and not know what exactly is wrong.

In any case, I really, really, really appreciate your replies.

Noethola · October 2014

((Hugs)) Its tough seeing symptoms in our LOs and trying to be a good parent: juggling the decision of call the dr? Dont call? JBBB? You have been dealing with things on your own, without your partner to give you even a short break. That frays nerves! Especially when you don't have your sounding board to tell you they agree/don't agree with what you see in Willa.

I know some would disagree, but do you have a recliner or something? Perhaps you just do a night where you sleep in it with Willa in an upright position? Perhaps you could both get a better night's sleep. Sometimes just one night of decent sleep can give you a better outlook and help you face things.

Could you ask your Dr if Willa could take benadryl and proper dosage? When teething, there is a lot of fluid in the ears. It might help to drain it so that it doesn't become an infection. Or perhaps an amber teething necklace? Not gong to lie, we have two teeth and it hasnt been bad at all really. Is it the amber? Who knows. But it was worth it to me to try.

Hoping it isn't an ear infection and that she remains her happy normal self. I know you are also connected with a lot of other moms on here. At times like these when your anxiety spikes, could you send a text or Fb message and ask for a talk down (or validation of symptoms!!)?

boogerbearoriginal · October 2014

@codypup - focused breathing doesn't take long to help calm you down, I don't think you need to sit and meditate for hours to see a benefit lol.

I find if I close my eyes, and breathe in deeply through my nose (your belly should be rising moreso than your chest) and count to three, then breathe out through my mouth with slightly pursed lips while counting to three it really stops me from being super anxious/angry/etc. Even just a few deep breaths calms me quickly/easily.

shellbell3845 · October 2014

Noethola said:

((Hugs)) Its tough seeing symptoms in our LOs and trying to be a good parent: juggling the decision of call the dr? Dont call? JBBB? You have been dealing with things on your own, without your partner to give you even a short break. That frays nerves! Especially when you don't have your sounding board to tell you they agree/don't agree with what you see in Willa.

I know some would disagree, but do you have a recliner or something? Perhaps you just do a night where you sleep in it with Willa in an upright position? Perhaps you could both get a better night's sleep. Sometimes just one night of decent sleep can give you a better outlook and help you face things.

Could you ask your Dr if Willa could take benadryl and proper dosage? When teething, there is a lot of fluid in the ears. It might help to drain it so that it doesn't become an infection. Or perhaps an amber teething necklace? Not gong to lie, we have two teeth and it hasnt been bad at all really. Is it the amber? Who knows. But it was worth it to me to try.

Hoping it isn't an ear infection and that she remains her happy normal self. I know you are also connected with a lot of other moms on here. At times like these when your anxiety spikes, could you send a text or Fb message and ask for a talk down (or validation of symptoms!!)?

You can always post on TB, and I hope you know there are people you can reach out to privately (myself included).

It's also never wrong to call your pedi. That's what you pay them for. The nurses at my pedi office are especially good at caring for mom during a phone call. They are reassuring and try to curb any anxiety. I hope the nurses/doctors at your office are as wonderful.

cattuccino · October 2014

I know I don't get on here much anymore, and I'm a little late responding here, but wanted to offer you hugs @Codypup.

I struggle with anxiety too.

Given everything that's been going on, W's illnesses already, your H's move, your move, figuring out replacements at your work...(I can go on) - you have so much on your plate you're allowed to be high strung.

You're also a mom. So you're allowed to worry about W.

Jumping to the worst conclusion is very common, and I don't think it makes you insane. You've recognized that some of your thoughts aren't always rational, that's really important. You've recognized when your worst times are, that's also good.

Try to talk yourself through it. Maybe out loud, or write it down. "I checked her temp, it's good. I checked her diapers, everything is good, she had x wet x dirty. I looked in her ears, no smell. I've fed her...." going through these things in little steps while making note of them might make you feel like you're actually doing something (rather than panicking) and keeping track of it to help rationalize what is going through your head and help you decide what steps to take next.

Sorry this was long winded! Just thinking of you and hope things get easier!

Codypup · October 2014

Love you guys. Thank you.

Today, I am back to being calm and rational. Like my logical self is saying "ok so what if she has an ear infection? We'll get antibiotics, have a few sleepless nights, and then she'll be fine."

It's the MOTN, in the moment stuff that gets me.

Next time I think I will do some of the things you guys are suggesting. Ask myself if I'm being rational; take deep breaths, possibly contact someone IRL (who is not my sister). @cattuccino I love your idea of listing things item by item. That helps me break it down.

I definitely do have a lot going on. I also think that's why the concept of adding something ELSE to my plate is so daunting right now! I can't handle a sick baby and no sleep and no Mr. Pup!

TessyMessy · October 2014

(((Hugs))) A lot of my thoughts have been said above so I will leave a few brief comments. I think part of being a mom is having some level of anxiety when it comes to your kids. No, it should not get to the point that you feel it physically. You had quite an ordeal when you and the fam were traveling and W wound up in the ER. Hey, that's kind of traumatic! No wonder you get panicked when she presents any symptom, especially since Mr. Pup is OOT and you are solo.

I know anxiety can be a nasty beast to tame because I go through this on the regular. My triggers are different than yours however I find myself feeling exactly how you describe: mind racing, sweats, heart beating super fast... it sucks.

Here are my recommendations: Start looking for a therapist in Nashville you can see. My therapist helps me manage my PP anxiety without meds!! Look for a beginners yoga class in Nashville now! Yoga and simple breathing exercises help me get through anxiety attacks. Lean on your supportive family, friends and bumpies during times like this. Please feel free to pm me anytime.

inluv4life2 · October 2014

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I don't deal much w anxiety but my H does. We have a deal that only one if us can "freak out" at a time. If he starts to over-worry I ask him a series of questions.

"What exactly concerns you"
" is it rational to be concerned about this"
"What's the worst that could happen"
"How likely is it that it will happen"
"Can you handle it if it does happen"
"What will you do if that happens"
"Can you control this situation"

Usually that helps him see things a bit more clearly. I use the same questions when I panic which does happens sometimes and it is a great help to me.

Codypup · October 2014

inluv4life2 said:

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I don't deal much w anxiety but my H does. We have a deal that only one if us can "freak out" at a time. If he starts to over-worry I ask him a series of questions. "What exactly concerns you" " is it rational to be concerned about this" "What's the worst that could happen" "How likely ist that it will happen" "Can you handle it if it does happen" "What will you do if that happens" "Can you control this situation" Usually that helps him see things a bit more clearly. I use the same questions when I panic which does happens sometimes and it is a great help to me.

I just copy/pasted those questions into my email for easy reference. Thank you @inluv4life2!

AKAP2010 · October 2014

I get like this! Given that I have anxiety issues anyway thinking about my kids getting sick make me even more anxious. I actually went to the dr yesterday to up my anixety meds ;/

Given both my kids have a blood disorder that when they get sick we have many more things to worry about. The possibility of a hospital stay and blood transfusion scares me. I sent my sons teacher a long email about ways to stop the spread of germs. She probably thinks I'm nuts!

So I don't really have any suggestion to help but know your not alone

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