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February 2015 Moms
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Baby Shower...need encouragement

crystalw88crystalw88 member
in February 2015 Moms
So, my fam and DH's fam have never really clicked. Whenever there's an event with both families present it's super awkward and they never say more than hi to each other. My family is more middle class where DH's family has more money to toss around. That being said...I'm feeling bad about potential shower(s). My sister and mom already have the ball rolling on one because I wanted separate ones. MIL likes to wear the pants and didn't honor my one request for ham sandwiches at my bridal shower. Instead she made sloppy joes which I hate! SIL got married this weekend and we've been so busy with that. MIL hasn't offered to throw me a shower yet. My mom called her to ask if she'd like to join in the plans or host her own for me. MIL said she'd get back to my mom in a few days. Here are my concerns: if they work together I'm afraid our families will bicker because MIL will take charge and show off her wealth or MIL will host her own for me but available weekends are limited with hunting season and holidays. In the end I know that I need to be grateful for whatever happens but I'd like to be able to enjoy myself at the same time.

Sorry for the novel

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Married 9/10/11 * BFP 6/9/14 * EDD 1/25/15

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Re: Baby Shower...need encouragement

  • mahalo3mahalo3 member
    I'm with @krendel‌. Stay out of whatever plans are happening (or aren't happening). You're only jobs are to show up and say thank you.


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  • krysmillkrysmill member
    I feel for you! My Mom and MIL don't really like each other. MIL made a huge seen at my bridal shower and my mom was pretty upset. Needless to say my mom wants to do seperate showers. I'm more then fine with that. My mom already has one planned for me and my MIL has said nothing about throwing us one. You just have to roll with the punches!
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    I agree with just showing up and smiling. If there is any tension with planning, I would hope everyone would be adult enough to handle it and not say anything to you.
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  • jennjilljojennjilljo member
    I understand this issue. My family has less spending money than DHs family so my mom often makers things about money. For DH and his brothers' birthday MIL had a party at Disney. My mom could afford to make a cake and get him a small gift. this happens all the time and we get caught in the middle. I hope they can get along if they decide to work together and if they don't I hope you don't hear "that's nice, I couldn't afford..." repeatedly. Chin up, smile and be gracious. GL.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Yep, let them be.  Your mom is a big girl and no one can make her do anything she doesn't want to.  
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  • WanderingAWanderingA member
    My SIL and MIL threw my baby shower.  My husband's whole family is loaded, and the shower was "an afternoon tea party" themed and had hired staff to serve and clean up.  Not my style AT ALL, but I sucked it up, thanked everyone, and appreciated the thought that went into it and the presents that were given to us.  My family is more middle-class than theirs and even though my sisters and I joked and laughed about how over-the-top the whole thing was, they all showed up and enjoyed themselves. 

    I would not get involved in planning at all.  If your MIL coordinates with your mother to plan it that's their choice and you need to let go and let them work it out.  I am sure that everyone can put on their big-girl panties and cooperate for your sake!
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  • crystalw88crystalw88 member
    I would never step in and try to do anything. I just worry a lot especially about people's feelings and of course my own. I will be appreciative and grateful for whatever happens.

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    Married 9/10/11 * BFP 6/9/14 * EDD 1/25/15

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  • MissEm15MissEm15 member

    @crystalw88 You and I are a lot alike I think.. seems that we both want to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable & we take on other people's "stuff". I'm from a broken home, so I know it stems from there... having my mom & dad together in the same room always stressed me out.

    However, PP's are right. Your mom already made the invite. Don't worry about it & stay out (saying this nicely). Enjoy the day & so will everyone else. They just want to watch you open gifts.. so what if they don't talk to each other. It's on them to make the most of awkward situations, not you.

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  • kerrigrooveskerrigrooves member
    Im also in a similar boat with DH's fam having more $ and being a little showy...my mom often feels bad about it too.  But like PP said, they are adults and have to deal - life isnt always perfect and you need to be selfish and enjoy ur day!  I had to do this with my wedding...it stressed me out.
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