Am I overreacting?

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

I'll try to make this as short as possible. I will be 37 weeks tomorrow with my 3rd baby. My mom and I have a somewhat rocky relationship because of my brother but she is basically my only family in the same state as me. So my 10 year old dd told me that my mom is going to Disney for a week and a half right now. She will basically get back right before I'm 39 weeks. She went with my brother and didn't even mention it to me. I have a rcs scheduled for 10/20 but if I go into labor early I would need her to watch my kids. She should know this since dh's family all lives across the country from us and mil is flying in on the 17th to watch the kids. I'm irritated that she didn't even mention this to me knowing I am so close to delivering. I would have no idea if my dd hadn't told me. Would you be upset or am I just being a bitch?

pinkshades05 · October 2014

Have you talked to your mom about her watching the kids before the 17th?

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

@pinkshades05‌ no, she hasn't really been involved in my pregnancy. She's kind of weird. She actually didn't know my mil was coming out until last week. I figured I would call her if I went into labor early and I thought she would have told me if she was going to leave town. Especially since she almost didn't come to my wedding because my brother's wife was due 2 weeks before my wedding and she couldn't leave town if she hadn't delivered.

trisharenee0316 · October 2014

I can understand that it's frustrating that she didn't consider you and your situation. On the flip side, you didn't mention to her that you might need her help and in fact, she might have felt like you having your MIL fly in meant you didn't need her.

AmandaJean12 · October 2014

I can see why you're annoyed but if you didn't talk to her about watching the kids, I'm not sure you can really be mad. Assuming she would isn't the same as having that planned.

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

I think I'm just irritated that she didn't even tell me she was going to be out of town and irritated that she isn't available if there is an emergency and irritated that she is willing to possibly miss the birth of her grandchild to go to Disney when she can go anytime. She didn't know my mil was coming at all until 2 days before she went out of town so she didn't decide to go after knowing my mil was going to come visit. If everything goes as planned my mil will be watching my kids. I think my irritation is deeper than this one situation and it's too much to post here or it would be the longest post in bump history. :-@

archi35 · October 2014

I'd be upset. But at the same time if you have a shitty family (like I do) then probably you're not too surprised in a way. Try not to let it get to you - shitty people have a way of being predictably shitty. It's probably better to chalk this up to a learning moment to remind yourself not to count on her. That's what I would do. Hugs and GL!

lrobi13 · October 2014

I am sorry that you have a rocky relationship with your mom. I would be hurt but if you never discussed needing to help you then you can't be too angry at her. People have to make choices as all the time and if she didn't know what you wanted then she can't be blamed.

What would pisses me off is her telling my child that she is going to Disney without my kid. That seems harsh since most kids love that place and would feel left out.

MuffinMom14 · October 2014

I'm with everyone else in that, if she didn't know you were wanting her to provide childcare, you can't necessarily be mad at that, but her leaving when she wouldn't do the same for your SIL seems like a slap in the face.

MrMrsandBaby · October 2014

I would be annoyed at the going to Disney and telling my kid part. But if she has had no part in the pregnancy and you never talked to her about it, I don't think you have a leg to stand on here. It is totally possible she didn't realize how close to your due date it was. Or she did and didn't care which sucks but since you haven't talked to her why would she assume you need help?

I talk to my mom every day and still wouldn't expect her to assume I need her help when I go into labor. We talked about what to do with DD, who would pick her up, etc. several times.

If you needed her help prior to the 17th it was on you to tell her, not her to guess.

rae76 · October 2014

I would be upset. I would make an alternate plan with friends or neighbors to watch the kids for you in case you go early. My parents live in the same town as I do and will come get DS1 when I go into labor but I have 2 backups just in case I can't get them to answer their phones when the time comes.

ETA - After reading other replies, I assumed you had spoken to her about needing her help, in that case yes I would be upset. But if you haven't specifically asked for her help or told her when she would be needed, then it's unfortunate that she won't be there but if she didn't know then it's not her fault for planning something if you hadn't talked to her.

Eastie156 · October 2014

Does she know she's watching your LO's? Or was this an assumption you made? I think if you have a rocky relationship and she's planning a Disney trip around your EDD, I'd make other arrangements for someone to watch your LO's.

Eastie156 · October 2014

BreandMikewedding said:

I think I'm just irritated that she didn't even tell me she was going to be out of town and irritated that she isn't available if there is an emergency and irritated that she is willing to possibly miss the birth of her grandchild to go to Disney when she can go anytime. She didn't know my mil was coming at all until 2 days before she went out of town so she didn't decide to go after knowing my mil was going to come visit. If everything goes as planned my mil will be watching my kids. I think my irritation is deeper than this one situation and it's too much to post here or it would be the longest post in bump history. :-@

I can totally understand this, but it sounds like your relationship may be rocky for a reason...Sorry OP, it sucks to not be able to have a good relationship with your Mom.

trisharenee0316 · October 2014

BreandMikewedding said:

I think I'm just irritated that she didn't even tell me she was going to be out of town and irritated that she isn't available if there is an emergency and irritated that she is willing to possibly miss the birth of her grandchild to go to Disney when she can go anytime. She didn't know my mil was coming at all until 2 days before she went out of town so she didn't decide to go after knowing my mil was going to come visit. If everything goes as planned my mil will be watching my kids. I think my irritation is deeper than this one situation and it's too much to post here or it would be the longest post in bump history. :-@

But...it's also possible she feels like maybe you're not including her in pregnancy stuff, so maybe she feels like you don't want her involved? Though far more likely is that since you're having a RCS, she probably just didn't consider the fact that you could actually go into labor before that date. Which might seem like she's not being considerate to you, but maybe it would be worth it to give her the benefit of the doubt since it doesn't seem like the two of you have the best communication in place?

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

But...it's also possible she feels like maybe you're not including her in pregnancy stuff, so maybe she feels like you don't want her involved? Though far more likely is that since you're having a RCS, she probably just didn't consider the fact that you could actually go into labor before that date. Which might seem like she's not being considerate to you, but maybe it would be worth it to give her the benefit of the doubt since it doesn't seem like the two of you have the best communication in place?

Thank you lady's! I thought it was common knowledge that someone can deliver before their scheduled date but maybe you're right and she thinks I won't deliver until that date.

I have tried to talk to her about my pregnancy multiple times and she always changes the subject for some reason. I think she might be upset because I have one girl and two boys with this lo. My brother always planned to have boys and had two girls so I feel like I'm being punished for having boys. She has a relationship with my dd but barely even acknowledges my ds.

I think maybe I need to stop trying so hard to have a relationship with her since she continues to hurt me and worse, hurts my kids with her actions.

trisharenee0316 · October 2014

BreandMikewedding said:
Thank you lady's! I thought it was common knowledge that someone can deliver before their scheduled date but maybe you're right and she thinks I won't deliver until that date. I have tried to talk to her about my pregnancy multiple times and she always changes the subject for some reason. I think she might be upset because I have one girl and two boys with this lo. My brother always planned to have boys and had two girls so I feel like I'm being punished for having boys. She has a relationship with my dd but barely even acknowledges my ds. I think maybe I need to stop trying so hard to have a relationship with her since she continues to hurt me and worse, hurts my kids with her actions.

Your plan is probably the best idea, honestly. Sometimes you can only do so much to meet people where they're at in order to foster a great relationship. I hope that she gets on board sooner rather than later because in the end, she will miss out.

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