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TTC After a Loss
Bobbie1227
member
Hurt & Angry! Let me introduce myself before I vent...LC
Bobbie1227
member
I don't think I have ever posted on here. I usually just come here to not feel alone. A little about my situation: I am a 37yo mother of 3 children, the youngest being 15. After years of abusive, loveless relationships I have finally found the love of my life-it truly does happen when you give up and stop searching for it. He was right under my nose, at 33 I fell in love with my best friend. Fast forward 3 years and after an issue with my IUD we decided to not try to not get pregnant. Wording it that way was easier for me. With a thyroid problem, a missing gallbladder, and being what they call advanced age, we knew we had some odds against us. In April we found out we were pregnant. Overjoyed doesn't begin to describe it. We waited until I was 8 weeks, Mother's Day, weekend to tell family. We found out when we were telling his parents that his older brother and his wife were also expecting their first child just 8 days before us. A little about the sister-in-law, she doesn't like me, plain and simple. Wondering why? Me too. The only thing anyone has been able to figure out(she has made it apparent to the ENTIRE family) is that she had the spotlight as the "newest" member of the family until I came along. I did not take attention from her intentionally. I am in introvert who likes to blend in and stay quiet, she is the woman in the room screaming "look at me", but being the new new girl, I set her off. That really is the only reason she hates me. By hate, I mean hate. She addressed the envelope with their wedding invitation to my significant other and guest. We lived together, who else was he going to take??
So the week after we told everyone, we found out I miscarried at our first appointment. Heartbreak doesn't begin to cover it, as you all know. Thankfully the sister in law from hell lives 60 miles away and due to the circumstances of her hatred for me which has destroyed the relationship between brothers, we do not see them often at all or ever unless it is a holiday. My boyfriends 30th birthday was happening in September. His mother planned an elaborate get together inviting everyone to OUR new home before telling my boyfriend. When he told her that having the SIL around would be hard for us, she became angry telling him we needed to get over it and move on. Such an easy thing for someone who has never gone through anything like this to say. Such an easy thing for someone who doesn't know what it is like to hold your breath for 2 weeks while you see if you are pregnant again only to be heartbroken when the telltale signs of your period show up. I have always said this thing with the SIL seems like a competition that I didn't want to be in, well in this leg of the race she won. So boyfriends mom literally says f you and that she won't come to his party, she will send a card. So I being the bigger person step up to the plate and tell my boyfriend to invite whomever he wants to a party here for his birthday and a housewarming, even brother and SIL. I can deal with her talking about her baby for one day for a few hours...big girl pants on. I made it through, and only had to leave the room a few times to gather my wits. I held it together, yay me!
Fast forward to today, I open the mailbox to see a pretty envelope addressed to me from his grandma, who raised his brother from the time he was a toddler. I opened it thinking it was a thank you for a great party card and nope, it's a baby boy shower invitation for SIL. Talk about feeling stricken. Why would any of the 3 women throwing the party(grandma, mom and an aunt) think I would attend this? She hates me,she is having a baby while I am struggling with a loss, and I am supposed to go celebrate with her? Gee for the life of me I cannot figure out why I may be upset by this(the sarcasm is dripping as I type this).
So now that my vent is over, how would you ladies handle this? Am I being irrational? I can look at a pregnant woman without crying. I can see a new baby and not want to run from the room, but this person and the timing of her pregnancy is just too much for me to handle. And I don't for one minute think I should just have to "get over it". Am I irrational and crazy?
So the week after we told everyone, we found out I miscarried at our first appointment. Heartbreak doesn't begin to cover it, as you all know. Thankfully the sister in law from hell lives 60 miles away and due to the circumstances of her hatred for me which has destroyed the relationship between brothers, we do not see them often at all or ever unless it is a holiday. My boyfriends 30th birthday was happening in September. His mother planned an elaborate get together inviting everyone to OUR new home before telling my boyfriend. When he told her that having the SIL around would be hard for us, she became angry telling him we needed to get over it and move on. Such an easy thing for someone who has never gone through anything like this to say. Such an easy thing for someone who doesn't know what it is like to hold your breath for 2 weeks while you see if you are pregnant again only to be heartbroken when the telltale signs of your period show up. I have always said this thing with the SIL seems like a competition that I didn't want to be in, well in this leg of the race she won. So boyfriends mom literally says f you and that she won't come to his party, she will send a card. So I being the bigger person step up to the plate and tell my boyfriend to invite whomever he wants to a party here for his birthday and a housewarming, even brother and SIL. I can deal with her talking about her baby for one day for a few hours...big girl pants on. I made it through, and only had to leave the room a few times to gather my wits. I held it together, yay me!
Fast forward to today, I open the mailbox to see a pretty envelope addressed to me from his grandma, who raised his brother from the time he was a toddler. I opened it thinking it was a thank you for a great party card and nope, it's a baby boy shower invitation for SIL. Talk about feeling stricken. Why would any of the 3 women throwing the party(grandma, mom and an aunt) think I would attend this? She hates me,she is having a baby while I am struggling with a loss, and I am supposed to go celebrate with her? Gee for the life of me I cannot figure out why I may be upset by this(the sarcasm is dripping as I type this).
So now that my vent is over, how would you ladies handle this? Am I being irrational? I can look at a pregnant woman without crying. I can see a new baby and not want to run from the room, but this person and the timing of her pregnancy is just too much for me to handle. And I don't for one minute think I should just have to "get over it". Am I irrational and crazy?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hurt & Angry! Let me introduce myself before I vent...LC
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I'm sorry you're dealing with family drama.
As for the family drama, been there! I don't really have much advice for you though unfortunately. I think if you are uncomfortable around her, then that is perfectly valid. You shouldn't have to defend how you feel or suck it up for the sake of her and the rest of the family.
But I agree, could you please put a LC warning on your title?
I hope you find the comfort you need here.
Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014
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My Ovulation Chart
BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)