When did you know? — The Bump
One & Done: Only child

When did you know?

For those of you lovelies who chose O&D, when did you "know"? Was there a point where you just said "I'm just done" or was it a long process of teetering? Was there anything specific that steered you, or just a culmination of things?

“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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Re: When did you know?

  • We were pretty certain before we even began TTC. However, we decided to wait a year to be certain. The appt for DH to be snipped was on DS's first birthday.
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  • For me it's been a culmination of things. First my late-FI died when DS was really small and then I had a miscarriage (next relationship) that required a lot of follow up and resulted in my breakup with that man. My current SO has been my best friend since just after my late-FI died and with his health issues and my fear of another tough loss lead us to bring one and done. My only real regret is SO has no biological child, but DS truly is his in his mind. He's been there when we got the celiac diagnosis, when he's been sick, happy and everything in between. He's a great dad and I would love to see him with a baby but in my heart I know our family is complete. Neither of us have taken permanent measures though- I'm still on the pill.
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  • I started to realize that it was better for our family to be OAD about a month after DD was born. One year later, we haven't wavered from our decision at all. We are waiting until her second birthday to make any permanent fixes.

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  • Interesting question. For me it's sort of been a process. Technically we are still on the fence but I always thought I'd be happy with one. DH didn't want an only child so we agreed on two. Then we had a really rough time after DS was born (PPD/PPA, wakeful baby, stress on our marriage) and as he grew older, and I started to feel better and could look back on the earlier months with more clarity, I've started to think we'd be insane to risk going through that ordeal again. Plus, I just don't have the desire for another baby. I remember the hole I felt in my heart before DS was conceived, and I don't have  that now, it's filled. So, I'd say around age 2 I started to feel pretty darn certain.
  • It was a process after DS was born and was a VERY high needs baby. Before he was born I thought I was going to have 3-4 kids. It still makes me a little sad to think of never being pregnant again, but I know my marriage and my mental health wouldn't survive a newborn period with another baby like DS. It took probably 6 months to get there. DS is 2.5, but we haven't done anything permanent. We're waiting until I'm out of training (which is a huge life stress and may be contributing to our decision), at which time DS would be 5 (ou
  • kristenndkristennd member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    It was very cumulative. We'd originally planned on two. But the reasons against just slowly piled up, in every category you can think of, and we decided that we were fine with that. DH is now snipped.

    To answer the specific when, probably when LO was around 18 months for me and around 2 years old for DH.
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  • For me, it's been a process.  I thought I might want two, but H said he would be happy with just one from before we TTC.  I had a relatively easy pregnancy, but PPD/PPA hit with such a vengeance that I started thinking I couldn't go through that again.  H was in complete agreement that risking that again wasn't worth it.  Fast forward to now, DS is 2 yo, and I would say we are completey OAD.

    I had unexpected validation of this last week.  I held a friends 6 month old DD while she chased our 2 year old boys around the yard.  I enjoyed holding the baby, but didn't experience any longing to go through the infant stage again.

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  • We're both in our early/mid thirties and we had no idea what we were getting into when we had DS. Neither of us had ever been around babies. No one can prepare you for having an infant.  We both work full time and I sometimes have to travel for work. DH works in a dangerous job and works 12 hour shifts and his career will only get more demanding.  We have no family around to help.

    DS was a little high needs and wouldn't gain weight. He slept well, but it was stressful. I got hit with PPD/PPA. Daycare is expensive and we want to spend our money in other ways.

    So...a few weeks after DS' second birthday DH got a vasectomy.
  • We talked about it a lot before i was pregnant, the lifestyle and idea of OAD just seemed to suit us. I had a great pregnancy, I was very lucky, but emotionally it was hard for me because I worry a lot. One day when He wasn't kicking as much as normal I was really nervous and everything was fine, but that night getting ready for bed i just turned to my husband and said, "I can't wait for this baby, but I'm never doimg this again". He agreed.

    Then after LO was born and his getting stuck in my pelvis and all the medical stuff that happened with him because of that, and is likely to occur if i had another one, we were definitely done.
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  • dmlk413dmlk413 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    I pretty much realized it in the delivery room. L&D was pretty rough and I couldn't imagine doing it again. Then there were lots of little things that cemented that decision. I have teetered recently but always come back to knowing that OAD is really the best for us.

    ETA: I had thought about it early in pregnancy. I had complications early on and remember telling DH that if I could just stay pregnant and have a Healthy, full term baby, then I wasn't sure I needed to go through it again.
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  • I was on the fence last year, but sometime right before DS turned two I just knew. For starters, I had a smooth but very emotional pregnancay. He was born on time with no complications, but I was very self conscious (pregnancy did NOT look good on me, I wasn't glowing I was more like a whale). Breast feeding was a challenge in the beginning because of course it hurt like hell, but I stuck with it for 13 months and I loved it. DS has an older sister, and may have more siblings in the future on his Father's side, but he is more than enough for me. The older he gets, the more I enjoy him and appreciate just having him only. I like all of the traveling that I can still do, and the lifestyle that I have. I am very content with just one.
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  • I saw the sticky. This wasn't so much about the reasons as it was about the timing. Thank you everyone for your posts. 

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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