At the risk of sounding like a total asshole- I'm going to gripe about my baby shower

JRod13 · September 2014

So I caved and let my family do a baby shower, in light of finding out that my mom had "donated" all of my stuff from when DS was a baby. I fought them on it for awhile, then decided if they wanted to do a party, ok, it's sweet and nice and generous. I find out today that they've set the date of December 13....literally 2 weeks before my due date. It also just so happens to be DS's birthday. I feel like a bitch for whining about it, but damn- less than 2 weeks before Christmas AND on DS's birthday? Not to mention, with all the difficulties this little one has given us- my doc is shooting for 34 weeks, so there's a solid chance 2.0 will be here before the shower and I'm not down for a meet and greet right off the bat. I brought all this up to the hostess and she was all "November's just too busy." Busier than December? With Christmas, DS's bday and my due date? I've got your Thanksgiving plans trumped yo.

So now is the part where you all tell me to get my head out of my ass and that it's nice they want to do it for me.

riansmommie · September 2014

Actually id be upset too! The date should work for you as well, I mean you are the reason they are even throwing a shower.

Eora3 · September 2014

I am firmly in the camp of "it isn't a nice or generous act if it inconveniences the receiver". So yeah, I would tell them that the date just doesn't work for you as you will not be available that day. Who the hell doesn't check with the guest of honor before deciding on a date? How did it not occur to anyone that you wouldn't want a baby shower on your older son's birthday?!

What is wrong with these people?!?

gmeyer1019 · September 2014

I'd be complaining too, I understand that they want to do something nice for you but there are still viable weeks in November other than Thanksgiving. No way they are all busy. What if you had planned on having a b-day party for DS? What would they have done then? Just saying, you are fully justified by my hormones lol

JRod13 · September 2014

Thanks for the feedback ladies- I'm glad I'm not just an ungrateful asswipe. I tried explaining that DS's party is that afternoon- she thinks it will be fine if the shower is that morning. Yea, it won't make DS feel like total shit watching the baby get a bunch of presents on HIS birthday...we're not already going to have a crazy adjustment period- let's stack some more crap on and take his special day away too. I'm just going to tell her I'm not going if that's the day she plans it. Fuck it. I can't make it and I wasn't even asked. She hasn't sent out invites yet, so she can change it.

rshamos · September 2014

My family is doing this to me too. They scheduled it the first weekend in November and I'm most likely going to be early. I asked them to switch the date to earlier and they said no. I'm just going to buy all of my essentials before and not wait.

MmsHughes4 · September 2014

I would be upset too. That is a lot going all at once. It would give me even more anxiety than I already have. Hopefully it all works out ok for you.

Grateful&Thankful · September 2014

Nope. You're totally justified! I'd be annoyed too!

JCM285 · September 2014

I agree with all PPs that they should reschedule your baby shower date. I would be angry if I were you!

weezy29 · September 2014

Not to mention, two parties in one day is a lot for a very pregnant woman to juggle!! I don't think you are being petty at all. If a person is going to have a shower, it should be convenient and should also allow for enough time afterwards to purchase what you do not receive. It seems the hostess is cutting it very close.

sbevann26 · September 2014

I would be pissed too! If it HAS to be in December, ask for the very first weekend. It's not fair to your DS either !

leoandethansmom · September 2014

Um yeah, it's a nice gesture and all but what a horrible inconvenience! My son would be so sad to watch all of the attention normally spent on him on his birthday get shared with his baby brother that isn't even here yet. Plus, a shower in the morning and a birthday party in the evening would be so exhausting, especially at full term! You're certainly not being an asshole, I agree with you and all of PPs. For me this would be a thanks but no thanks kinda situation.

JunkieBrewster · September 2014

I just realized I never responded to your last PM. My offer still stands for some clothing etc, just let me know when a good time for you is!

mrsrroberson · September 2014

I would boycott it and dedicate the day to celebrating your DS.

Cadg0986 · September 2014

I gotta say, I agree with all of the previous posters as well as you (OP). For your son, big changes are on their way in his life with the new baby and then instead of his birthday being his day...it's half his day half the baby shower day? The baby shower date is something the mom to be should definitely be a part of.

hoping4aUNICORN · September 2014

At least you're having one. I'm crap out of luck because my SIL decided to be a heroin addict and is going through withdraw and detox at my MIL house, leaving my MIL and the whole family at her beckon call with her 5yr old son and 9yr old daughter for all of us to take care of for her while she manipulates the whole family every single day into some crazy, out there situation! :-SS

ColeyCannoli · September 2014

That's pretty shitty of them. You didn't want one anyway and they force it on you and then pick probably the worst possible date? Not cool. Why not the end of October is November is so busy? There's basic etiquette on the planner's side too that needs to be followed. Just because they are doing something for you, doesn't mean they get to be rude jerks about it. One of the basics is asking the guest of honor for the best time (or someone close to her if it's a surprise). And your kiddo deserves a birthday, especially now that baby will already be taking so much attention off of him. Gah, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

LaxMOM44 · September 2014

I was totally ready to judge you a little but that's just plain crazy. Why would
Anyone throw a shower two weeks before a baby is due? That's not sweet that's annoying. The need to move
It to an earlier date. And what kills me is that it sounds like multiple people think this is a good idea. Like is everyone nuts?

Need me to make an anonymous phone call?

JunkieBrewster · September 2014

I was kind of pressured into one but they compromised by making it a family BBQ on my birthday so I felt like less of an asshole.

Until my sister gave out the registry with the info I had for our own personal use (to track what we should buy and give to people who asked) and now people are buying $200 items off our registry. So, I still feel like an asshole.

I hope they can accomidate your dates.

DoctorWorm222 · September 2014

I think I'd just say thanks but no thanks. Can't come. Won't be there.

Cheekers2010 · September 2014

For me it wouldn't be about taking attention away from my DS because I'm sorry that's kind of ridiculous. He'll get plenty of attention at his party. For me, it would be about the crazy inconvenience of it all. Trying to plan and set up for one party while attending another would make it impossible for me to enjoy my shower. Plus having to rush to make sure you don't miss anything for DS. No. That's awful. Plus only two weeks before your due date. No. Absolutely not. I would tell them that date doesn't work in any way. So sorry.

JRod13 · September 2014

I just love you guys. I called and told her that I wouldn't be there if it was te 13th, because I already had a party for DS planned and I can't do both on one day. She tried for the 14th- the Sunday after. I suggested the 6th at the very latest and she's "checking her calendar and will get back to me." This thing is a pain in the ass. If she can't do the 6th or earlier I'm going to let her know I appreciate the gesture, but it's just not working out.

Cheekers2010 · September 2014

JRod13 said:

I just love you guys. I called and told her that I wouldn't be there if it was te 13th, because I already had a party for DS planned and I can't do both on one day. She tried for the 14th- the Sunday after. I suggested the 6th at the very latest and she's "checking her calendar and will get back to me." This thing is a pain in the ass. If she can't do the 6th or earlier I'm going to let her know I appreciate the gesture, but it's just not working out.

Good for you!

krystrist2014 · September 2014

Man, that is pretty shitty of the hostess to pull this on you! It is just not fair and I would be pretty ticked too. Sorry you have to deal with this. I definitely think there is nothing wrong with you making it clear to her that you just cannot do that date. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

ebilbao · September 2014

Never mind the fact that two weeks before your EDD is WAY too late. You may have already had the baby by then. I'm with everybody else-have it in November or forget it.

kelsz12 · September 2014

Totally backing you up here! It's totally ridiculous of any woman who has birthed a child to even think about hosting a baby shower for another woman that close to D-Day!

My SIL and MIL originally wanted to do my shower the week after Thanksgiving, 3-weeks before my due date and I kindly asked them if we could do it earlier. With the craziness of the holidays, unexpected things that happen with pregnancy and the fact that I would be 37 weeks, I didn't want my shower that close to my D-Day. I'm thankful that my SIL is a great planner and we will be having my shower this coming Saturday!

I wish you luck and am sending good vibes!

babyforet · September 2014

I am with just about everyone else (who's response I read). That's just plain silly. Even if it weren't your sons bday, it's too close to your due date! My own complaint about my shower makes me feel really shall wand should make you feel much better. My shower is in 2 weeks and ONE person has reserved something from my registry. ONE!!! I mean, I took the time to make a freaking registry for a reason ya know? And I put lots of toys & cute stuff along with some moderately priced things I need because I know people want to buy cutesy things instead of practical s*&% we actually need. Ok, feel better

babyforet · September 2014

Wow typo, meant it to read "really shallow and would make you feel better"... OOPS

path75 · September 2014

JRod13 said:
I just love you guys. I called if she can't change the day.nd told her that I wouldn't be there if it was te 13th, because I already had a party for DS planned and I can't do both on one day. She tried for the 14th- the Sunday after. I suggested the 6th at the very latest and she's "checking her calendar and will get back to me." This thing is a pain in the ass. If she can't do the 6th or earlier I'm going to let her know I appreciate the gesture, but it's just not working out.

I was going to say the same thing. Thank you for offering but decline if the date can't be moved. I am having a shower in October since I didn't want to have to deal with the holidays. I know your situation is different since you weren't planning a shower. Good luck.

Shortstack06 · September 2014

I would ask for earlier still than Dec, I know all of your things got donated and your family is trying to help out. While they may get the majority, it would still be nice to know what to budget for if it is something you will need/want for your LO before the arrival.

bowlwoman · September 2014

Crazy! I'm here late to the party, but I totally agree not to have it on your son's birthday. My seven year-old got all butthurt yesterday about the baby getting all the attention, and she wanted to know when she could have a day all about her when it's not her birthday. A little divaish, but I understand the sentiment. If someone tried to host it ON her birthday? Shit would hit the fan.

Definitely stick to your guns. Glad to see that you're already working in that direction.

ColoradoBoat · September 2014

I hope she can move it to the 6th or earlier. You can't make it on DS's birthday. IMHO, you have lots of arguments in your favor...

1) It is crazy to plan a shower 2 weeks before DD, I'm not sure what protocol is but I would assume at least a month prior?

2) DS birthday is the same day

3) You're having a rough pregnancy and your doc is hoping you make it to 34 weeks. If I knew that and was planning a shower for a friend, I'd probably want to schedule as early as possible. Showers can always be done on a weeknight with appetizers if weekends are too busy.

Best of luck!

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At the risk of sounding like a total asshole- I'm going to gripe about my baby shower

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