Working Moms Check In

ramfan05 · September 2014

Good morning and happy Friday mamas! So, since it's the first one, I'll throw out some things I think it'd be good to talk about, but let me know if you think anything should be added or changed for future check-ins. I'm in training today at school and am not sure how much time I'll have to check back in, but I'll be back this evening for sure

Have a great Friday ladies!

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

ramfan05 · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

Well, today is my first day back at work since being off-track the past few weeks, so my work week was pretty non-existent. But I'm counting it as a success that I got DS's lunch made last night as I was making dinner. Chop a little extra broccoli, throw it in his lunch box, added some other things while dinner was cooking. It was nice to not have to worry about it later last night.

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

Thinking about leaving and going back to work today. I miss my babies already!

(

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

DH took Monday off so we could spend a day together before I went back to work, which was nice. And I'm going to one of those painting and drinking places with a couple of girlfriends tonight, which I'm really looking forward to. It's been a really long time since I've had any time for myself, because there usually just isn't time. Also, DS is going through a phase where he freaks out and gets really upset if I leave to go anywhere while he's at home with DH. So I know he's going to get really upset when I leave tonight, which is part of why I don't plan on going out to do anything. I hate seeing him get so upset about it.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

The hardest time of day for me is from the time I get home until bedtime. I usually get home with the kids around 5, we eat dinner around 6, then they are in bed by 7:30. DH doesn't get home until 6. When we walk in the door, DS wants me to play with him, DD needs me to hold her because it's (still) her witching hour, and I need to unpack all of our stuff from the day and cook dinner. I feel like I'm failing both of them - I can't just sit and play with DS and give him my attention, I can't just hold DD and play with her and give her my attention. Not if we want to eat dinner. Not sure there is anything anyone can help me with there, maybe just commiserate?

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I'm a 4th grade teacher

ramfan05 · September 2014

@greenbunny79, that would make me so mad about the nanny! One of the great things about a nanny as opposed to other childcare is that LO gets to stay in his/her own home. If I remember correctly, you've had other problems with the nanny, too, haven't you?

As for dinner, when we just had DS, we always used to eat dinner after he was in bed for the night. It was much less stressful! We'd get home and play for a bit, relax, give him a bath and read stories, then we'd eat after bedtime. Now that he's 4, that's not an option. He needs to eat (obviously) and family meal time is really important to us. It definitely didn't start out that way, though.

SuzyQq02 · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

I piloted a training on Wednesday at work that got pretty good reviews! It's part of a major project I'm chairing at the agency level so I'm high visibility on this, and I'm hoping it will lead to good things in the future.

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

Schedule wise this has just been a shitshow of a week. MH has been working ridiculous hours, so he hasn't even seen baby girl since Tuesday night when I went to choir rehearsal and he HAD to be home. Tuesday my mom had an oil tank leak so I had to go pick up Boo and take her home (my mom would have just taken her to our house but she had to wait for the oil company people). So I've been behind since then. Wednesday night I got stuck at work late so Boo and I actually crashed with my parents since it was the only way to not completely eff her nighttime routine by sticking a 45 min drive in the wrong place. And yesterday I had a migraine from the stupid unfiltered fluorescent lights in my new office so I had to move a group therapy session to next week, which is just a scheduling disaster.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

Well, having Tuesday with Boo was an unexpected surprise. ;-) Totally screwed me at work, but we had a great afternoon sharing lunch at Panera and picking up pieces for her Halloween costume. For myself? I spend a lot of time in my car traveling to see clients, so I've gotten really into the hip hop throwback station and jamming out on my rides when I'm in the car alone.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

This will sound ridiculous, but the ride from work to DC/my mom's for pickup! The traffic around my office is painfully unpredictable, so some days it's 10 min, some days it's 25. And I never know which I'm going to get. I have bizarre guilt about leaving work before the clock strikes 5, even though I'm here well before my technical 9am start time every day and on a normal week (not this nightmare of a one), I'm working about 45 hours. I'm trying to just go with the flow and be a little more Zen about it, and let go of the guilt of heading out at 450, but it's tough.

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I'm a clinical social worker. In my current role, my manager and I oversee clinical operations in 15 different group homes and supported housing programs for adults and teens with major mental illness. I do group therapy, supervise clinicians, train and supervise staff in clinical matters. I also maintain a small caseload of individual therapy clients, focusing on co-occurring disorders (substance abuse and mental illness, usually PTSD and/or psychosis).

Missy0483 · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?
Work is never a success so I'll skip that one. We successfully moved Jenna from her pnp in our room to her crib in her own room. This was a HUGE step for us, especially for me.

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?
Finding the motivation to get up and go to work. Something needs to change here. I'm so down in the dumps when it comes to work and I find it moving to other areas in my life and I can't seem to fix it. Home life has actually been better this week. Maybe moving Jenna to her room was something we all needed, not just her. She's seemed a little more content with herself in the evenings which is great!!

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?
We're planning on going to the Fall Festival tomorrow. Jenna is too little for most of the things there, but they do have a hayride that I think she'll enjoy. It will be a little bittersweet too though. Back in September 2011 2 days after I was at that same Fall Festival we found out I was pregnant with our first baby and now he's no longer here

Sunday my husband is staying home with Jenna and I'm hanging out with my brother, niece, and cousins at a local amusement park. Pretty excited for that!

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?
The evenings are always hard. I don't have much time for myself then or really anything besides Jenna. Luckily my husband steps up and makes dinner and washes dishes while I feed and play with her, get her bag ready for daycare, sometimes I manage to get a load of laundry in.

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?
I work at a horse farm, but I'm in the office. I'm not sure what my title is, so I'll go with Administrative Assistant...although that sounds too professional lol.

SuzyQq02 · September 2014

@greenbunny79, it really varies for us. LO doesn't go down til 830, so we have a bit more time. If MH is home, generally I cook while he feeds LO her dinner around 7, and then we eat while she plays in the high chair. If he's not home, I'll usually eat after she goes to bed unless it's something I can prep really quick (like last night, I had a salad so I was able to eat while she played in the high chair). We've always eaten dinner super late, so it's not really a big deal. But when she's a little older, no idea how or if we'll make "family dinner" work if MH's not home.

nebraska84 · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)? At work is has been figuring out our new reading curriculum, and organizing a 5k tomorrow as a fundraiser 2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)? Staying on top of paperwork at school and not bringing it all home. And home isn't trying to keep the house clean. With 2 kids and a busy husband the house gets forgotten >3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself? Family, I took DS1 to a football game last week, date night with mom. And myself, I can't remember. Maybe getting a tea before work. GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you? From 6pm to 730. It's dinner time for both boys, dinner for me, bath for both and bed for both. DH doesn't get home from work until both boys are asleep, so this is a tough time. And I just manage because I have to. And I love my time from 745 until bed. Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work? I'm a 3rd grade teacher

TessyMessy · September 2014

SuzyQq02 I legit LOL @ throwback hip hop music in the car.. I have been known to do the same thing!

@greenbunny79 Was there a compelling reason the nanny took LO back to her house without telling you? Like an emergency?

KatyBriggs I totally get the feeling like a pinball in the evenings too.

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

I completed a pretty big project on time and under budget. I have a few coworkers that are less than enthused about my success which makes it even sweeter!

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

There are a few people at work that I really cannot stand anymore and I have a really hard time acting like I don't hate their guts. I know part of being an adult is working with people you don't like but it really blows. This woman is always trying to have a pee pee contest with me. I get satisfaction in the fact that it pisses her off when I don't compete or react to her stupidity.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

I took Monday off so I could spend the day with LO. I picked DS1 up from school early on Wednesday and we had some bonding time without LO. Both days were great and much needed.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

Like many have said, the most challenging time of day is the evening until bed time. I feel like I am being pulled in 10 directions. I walk in the door and LO wants to nurse immediately. DS1 wants to tell me all about his day in school. I need to cook dinner (unless I had enough time in the morning to set up my crock pot) and help DS1 with his homework while LO tries to climb up my leg. Dinner time is troubling because LO usually will not let me eat with the family. I usually wind up feeding him his dinner while DS1 and DH eat. Then I eat later while I clean the kitchen. This is when DH takes the kids in the playroom and he plays a video game because he needs his time to relax. *vomit*

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I do Data Management and Business Intelligence for a company that makes children's products. The job is as exciting as it sounds. The company I work for is awesome.

djtippietoes · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

I made it to Friday!

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

We have a new boss and there is a lot of clashing between him and the members of my department. Most of the issues haven't directly involved me so I've stayed mostly out of it, but it's created a major morale issue.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

I went running twice which is good for me.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

I actually have the hardest time after work. I don't get home until almost 7 and I feel like I have no time to work out, feed LO, hang out with him and get chores done.

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I work in marketing. I mostly deal with email marketing.

TessyMessy · September 2014

cara5565 I have a hard time fitting a work out into my work days too. LO's wake up time is so unpredictable these days I can't depend on having enough time to get a work out in. The late afternoon/evening shuffle is to hectic to try and exercise plus those are my few precious hours with the kids.

Can someone share their working out secret? How do you fit it in?

@elf828 Enjoy your massage!! I'm very jealous. I hope your trip goes by super quick!

@mummypig Penguin173 about feeling disconnected from your SO. Our relationship has definitely been more strained now that we have LO. I will say that I have been participating in the 30 day challenge-- we can't DTD daily because his work schedule is erratic-- things are starting to feel more "normal".

sdlaura · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?

At work, this is the first week in awhile that I wasn't traveling, so I got to catch up quite a bit (though the to-do list is still long). At home, last night I bathed both kids together successfully for the first time, with DS in his little bath seat, and put them to bed by myself while DH watched football, and it went pretty well. Oh, and DD "helped" me bake banana bread on Wednesday evening and she had a great time.

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?

At home...hmmm...I think we need to really focus on potty training DD soon and that sounds like a huge amount of work. There's a bit of a fire drill today at work due to a big personnel change at an investment manager that many of our clients use.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?

I went to a work happy hour last night for just over an hour. It was short but good to get out. Of course I only drank 1.5 glasses of wine (I realized that if I finished the second one I shouldn't drive home), but still woke up in the middle of the night with a headache. I'm such a lightweight now. We also went to DH's company family day at the zoo Sunday and that was a lot of fun. They brought in some really awesome animals and did a program for the kids.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?

Like many moms, the hardest time of day for me is from the time I get home until bedtime. The kids are so much happier in the morning. DH is already home with the kids when I get there and I feel like I walk into chaos many evenings. DD is getting whinier as she gets further into age 2.

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I advise institutional investors (pension funds, endowments, foundations, etc.) on their investments.

ras26 · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)?
My workload had reached an overwhelming volume at work, and by redirecting some of it (accepting help) and working hard, I almost feel back on top of things.

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)?
LO's sleep is still erratic although the end of the week has gone better than the beginning. So tired. The one thing that made me cry was having to dump out 20oz of pumped milk that I prepped last night and then accidentally left on the counter. I really wanted it to still be good, but 9ish hours at 73 degrees, I just couldn't use it.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself?
I planned simple meals and pre-prepped a few things to make it faster at night. Haven't done much for myself this week.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you?
Like almost everyone else, the time between getting home from work and getting both kids in bed is the hardest. I try to have quick/simple meals planned and start as soon as we walk in the door. Some nights work better than others. Often DD2 is ready to go to sleep while we're still eating dinner, so I get very little time with her. Routine is important for us. If you deviate, it almost always results in a fit from DD1.

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?
I'm in the medical device regulatory field.

flightview · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)? Cooking at home every night! Dh and I love going out to eat, so this was big!

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)? Our finances are in disarray, DH owns a construction company and business has been slow all year. So this week there were a lot of serious discussions on how to spend less (motivator for eating in this week) We have started a no-spend October budget.

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself? Wow, I have literally done no 'me' time. I just realized this! I do have a Sunday night meeting with Doterra representatives. They just had a huge convention and have come back to fill us in on all the new info/products. So, hopefully I can go to that. Although, most likely I'll be bringing M anyway.

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you? We've worked out a system that works so far, Dh wakes up with M at 7, feeds/dresses/takes him to daycare, I pick M up. I make dinner, give M a bath and do bedtime. Then I do MOTN wake ups and we start all over again! Since we designated daycare drop offs and pick ups and who does mornings, things are much better. Evenings are busy, but not that bad...this week!

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work?

I make sure crew members are qualified to fly commercially. Occasionally I work in operations (weight/balance) and I am a flight attendant too!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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ras26 · September 2014

WildFlower26 said:

I started to answer these questions, but my answers all ended up being me whining about how bad things went this week. So I will leave it at this: I had a really tough week. All parts were hard. Very few parts went well. I am an attorney.

@wildflower26 - hang in there. I felt like everything I had to say was negative too. I had a laundry list that I deleted. Some weeks are just like that. Just know you're not alone.

hammysmommy · September 2014

1. What was your biggest success this week (at work or at home)? I think I'd have to go with Wednesday night dinner. I actually got out of work on time (normally end up being here an extra 30+ minutes) and when I got home, H had baby G's solids and a bottle all setup and ready for me to feed him. :-) When I'm running late, H usually is too, and then G's very frustrated and cries for/throughout his food (even if I give him his bottle first he just is too tired and hungry - jbbb)

2. What was most challenging this week (at work or at home)? I'm working extra hours this week (9a-1130p Tuesday, and 9a-8p today) so I miss out on dinner and bedtime (though I might make it for bedtime tonight). On top of that H is passiveagressively leaving all the dishes and bottles in the sink to see if/when I'll get around to washing them... Which would be fine if he was busy, but he actually played video games Tuesday while I was at work, for at least 5 hours...

3. What have you done this week to make time for your family? For yourself? For me, I worked extra, and took some good showers while H kept an eye on babyG. For the family, we went out for a boat ride on Sunday and H even let DSD and me drive!

GTKY: What is your most challenging time of day on work days? How do you handle it or how can we support you? Hmmm that's a hard one. Mornings are usually rough - especially when H is expecting me to have gotten babyG up, changed and happy before he watches him while I shower (instead of being extra helpful and getting him out of his pnp-bed and watching him for me right away... it's even better when he chooses an outfit (albeit a mismatched one) and gets him all ready for dc. Evenings are hard, as I already mentioned I get home right in time for babyGs dinner, so if one of us is a little late, we're thrown off... But maybe the hardest is staying focussed and present while I'm at work...

Bonus GTKY: What do you do for work? I am a computer analyst for a hospital laboratory information system and a Medical Laboratory Scientist (new term, we used to just be Medical Technologists) - which means when you all got your blood work done during pregnancy, people like me were the ones who ran all of your tests (and may have drawn your blood too)

ramfan05 · September 2014

Today was a workday at school, so I've got a few minutes to respond then I'm heading off to pick up the babies early today!

(This took me 8 post-its, by the way

)

@Penguin173, have a great time at the beach next week! I'm extremely jealous!

@SuzyQq02, it can be hard to unexpectedly have to take off with LO, but can be so nice too. It was hard for me at first to not be stressed about what I was missing at work, but I've gotten over it

@Missy0483, ((hugs)) for moving Jenna to her room. I know that must have been hard for you but I'm glad that it's going so well!

@KatyBriggs and @cara5565, I hear you on the healthy eating. I've got a lot of weight to lose, and like you all, have no time to work out. Watching what I eat is going to be so important to my weight loss. Let me know if I can support either of you in any way. I'm on MFP (although I haven't been logging - need to get back into it). Can we keep each other accountable?

@Nebraska84, it's so hard to have to take school work home. There is just never enough time in the day to get everything done and I always feel like I'm behind at work.

@mummypig, you are definitely not alone with feeling overwhelmed. Have you talked to your DH about how you feel after work? I know it's hard when you are feeling that distance between you, and it can make it harder to talk about things like that, but maybe it would help?

@cara5565, I've actually been trying to do one freezer meal and one crockpot meal every week, which helps. I just think that there are too many things to get done at the end of the day between unpacking work/diaper bags, lunch boxes, getting dinner on the table, etc.

@Tessymessy, good for you for taking time off to recharge and spend a little time with your kids. That must have been really special for DS1 to have that time with you!

@Mamosey, I'm glad your DC situation is changing soon and the killer commute will be over!

@elf828, I'm glad to see that things are better with your manager! It can be so hard, too, when LO changes the schedule up just when you've gotten things down. My kids have always been masters at that

@djtippietoes, yay for making it to Friday!!

@sdlaura, glad you were able to get out, even if it was just a short happy hour!

@dnmolakides, making lunches the night before has been a huge timesaver for me in the mornings. I hate feeling rushed in the morning!

@ras26, prepping food ahead of time when I can has been huge. I don't always get to it, but I'm glad when I do. Our routines in our house are super important, too, which can be a blessing and a curse sometimes.

@flightview, glad you guys have a good system down! Good luck with no spend October!

@wildflower26, so sorry you had such a rough week

Is there any chance of down time this weekend?

@anji1820, finding time for each other is so hard. Our nights are often falling asleep on the couch watching TV, so I completely understand.

@hammysmommy, sounds like your DH could be doing more to help you out. Have you talked to him about it? I'm sorry you are dealing with that added stress.

@psk, long hours and missing LO are so hard. I hate when I have to work late and miss bedtime, or have to leave early and can't eat breakfast with DS. It's those little parts of the day that are most special to me, and I'm sad when I miss out on them. ((hugs))

To everyone dealing with feeling distance between you and DH, I've been right there with you. @Tessymessy, I'm doing the 30 day challenge, too. Definitely not shooting for everyday or anything, but just trying to be more conscious of making time to talk, snuggle, etc. It seems to be helping, which I am so happy about.

Whew!!

sdlaura · September 2014

wow, @ranfan05, that was impressive. You are definitely good at this check-in management thing!

@wildflower26, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Did you figure out the childcare situation?

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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sdlaura · September 2014

@wildflower26, any chance you can re-direct some of the former nanny budget to hire a college student or someone with a flexible schedule to help you with the transportation? That was one of my jobs in college. Even if it's just one ride there every morning, you could get to work earlier...

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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ramfan05 · September 2014

I'm sorry to all the ladies with DH's who could be doing more to help. It's hard enough to be a working mom with full support and help from DH, let alone trying to do it without those things. ((hugs)) ladies!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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TessyMessy · September 2014

@greenbunny79‌ Yeah.. I wouldn't be ok with that. She should have discussed this with you instead of just taking LO to her house. How long were they there? If it was a quick trip like, "oh I forgot my glasses" I would still be upset but not ready to fire her. It sounds like she spent a decent amount of time there so that's a different story. If you decide to keep her, I would set clear expectations. She is to stay at your house with LO. If there is a need to deviate from this expectation you should be asked in advance. Obviously emergencies happen but this was not the case. Sorry, I know how much it sucks to question the quality of your childcare.

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