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January 2015 Moms
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Registry Blargins

emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
in January 2015 Moms
So...on a random note, I'm a little concerned that no one is actually using my baby registries.... This bothers me because I am terrified I am either going to get a total discombobulation of stuff that I will probably have to return to all the various stores that may or may not be in my town so I can get things that I need or they are all secretly just getting a bunch of cute little girl outfits that I will again have to return to all their various stores. I've already gotten enough baby girl clothing secondhand from friends with older girls that I doubt I will need to do her laundry until she is almost six months old (assuming she goes through about three outfits every day). Anyone else having this paranoia? That I am even having paranoia makes me feel guilty and ungrateful but at the same time running around returning things and shopping for days trying to shinanigan what I need from scattered retailers while in my third trimester also does not sound even slightly appealing. :-( I probably need an attitude change. This doesn't even register as an actual problem on the grand scales of life.
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Re: Registry Blargins

  • BackseatDriverBackseatDriver member
    Can't you check and see what has been purchased? Returning things to stores is kind of a PITA. Going to the store at all is kind of a PITA to me (I love online shopping). Hope if your friends and family are shopping off registry they end up getting you things that you love and maybe didn't know you'd need.

    Dec '12 & Jan '15
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    Yeah, I've checked both registries (one on Amazon for the non-store shoppers and one at Babies-R-Us) and even though people have told me they already got my gift and are so excited for the shower (which I am so excited that they're excited and absolutely 100% am beyond extremely grateful for their support and involvement in my life) there is nothing showing up as purchased on either registry. :-( Oh well. Either way, baby will be 100% provided for and in the end that's really all that matters. It may just make for a miserable week or two since I will also be on night shift those two weeks pulling 48 hour work weeks to boot. And DH will be on the other side of the country until Christmas Eve so holding up the fort on this front is all on me. It'll just be rough, you know? But rough is still doable.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    Yeah, probably the stress of everything else going on right now is clouding what would normally be a very happy event for me. :-( Probably just projecting the feelings of a thousand situations I cannot control onto it. Gonna have to take a step back emotionally, I think.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    @BabyStandish‌ , that thought has definitely occurred to me. :-) I know a few locally I was thinking of donating to either which way. But, first I'd like to scope out what they need before buying for them.

    @laziestdaisy‌ , that'd be for sure helpful if I could wait (in fact would eliminate the sleep loss problem ENTIRELY). I guess it'll depend on store policies.
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  • peckmirandapeckmiranda member
    It's the curse of a picky mom: returning a hundred things to different stores or taking a single picture of your little one in that gawd-awful outfit to send to MIL before throwing it in the Goodwill pile. 

    I returned quite a few things because I got lots of doubles. I'd registered for a care kit or whatever on Amazon, but a friend went and bought all the most useful items at Babies R Us. It's not that I wasn't thankful for the gifts, I was very flattered and, honestly, the ones that people took the time to put together themselves meant a little more (you know, this fingernail clipper got the seal of approval because so-and-so used it), but that doesn't mean I want three different nail clippers sitting around my house. I guess I just don't see anything offensive with taking back duplicates. 

    Oh, and no matter how many instructions you give on Amazon registries, you're probably going to get duplicates. Luckily they make it REALLY easy to do returns. But I got so many duplicates because older relatives just couldn't figure it out.

    Funny story...I went to a friend's shower who lives in a smallish area. The only two stores really are Target and Wal-Mart. So for her baby shower, she got at least three of each outfit that Target sold for little girls. Almost everyone went to Target on the way and bought a cute outfit. Sweet, well-meaning, all that, but I'm sure she went straight to Target and returned most of them.
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  • mrs824mrs824 member
    When is your shower? Most people wait last minute... I wouldn't worry about it. If you're having a shower you'll definitely receive things off your registry or people love gift cards that way you can get what you really want and they don't have to pick it out. But there will always be those who don't buy off the registry :)
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  • elleswarthelleswarth member
    In a way, I get what you're saying. We registered for things for our first that we really needed, no extra frilly stuff, and ended up getting hardly anything off the registry and ended up with a lot of clothes that I wouldn't put on my kid. We just didn't have the money to go buy EVERYTHING (or really anything) ourselves and were hoping the registry/shower would help with it. While I was appreciative of everything we received, I just had this panicked feeling about not having what I thought baby would need. We were young and just starting out and finances weren't good at all. In the end, I realized we didn't need EVERYTHING at once, and bought things as baby grew, which helped cut out extra crap we didn't need but thought while still pregnant were "must haves". It will all fall in to place.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    Wow, you'd think feeling grateful and simultaneously overwhelmed were an impossible feat. Lol Sorry, not going to feel bad for being overwhelmed. Attempts to guilt trip will fall on deaf ears. I am extremely grateful for the support of my friends and family, but I'm allowed to be overwhelmed at an extremely stressful part of my life.
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  • Pips09Pips09 member
    You are way overthinking this. People aren't required to buy you gifts, so be appreciative of whatever you do get. You will either use what you get, or return things for what you want. It's really not that big of a deal.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    @ExcitedMama2‌ , if that were the case and what people were trying to say, then, yes, agreed and point totally valid. But people sound very much like they are accusing me of not being grateful, which I most abundantly am. And, yes, at this point in my life playing the returns game DOES sound incredibly overwhelming. I understand for most people it isn't a problem, but living a nocturnal life (I need to sleep during store hours) and pulling 48 hour night shift work weeks with no one to help prepare for baby IS stressful. I can only play returns at the expense of sleep while still losing sleep on regular OB, cardiologist, and ophthalmologist appointments in addition to the pregnancy-related sleep disturbances. I feel no guilt acknowledging the inherent stress in the situation and, no, I do not feel stress to the exclusion of gratitude. I'm really happy others are in a situation where they can handle things with relative ease. I am not. That's why I vent. It doesn't make me an ungrateful monster, it makes me a stressed out mom.
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  • peckmirandapeckmiranda member
    emilyp2013 said:
    @ExcitedMama2‌ , if that were the case and what people were trying to say, then, yes, agreed and point totally valid. But people sound very much like they are accusing me of not being grateful, which I most abundantly am. And, yes, at this point in my life playing the returns game DOES sound incredibly overwhelming. I understand for most people it isn't a problem, but living a nocturnal life (I need to sleep during store hours) and pulling 48 hour night shift work weeks with no one to help prepare for baby IS stressful. I can only play returns at the expense of sleep while still losing sleep on regular OB, cardiologist, and ophthalmologist appointments in addition to the pregnancy-related sleep disturbances. I feel no guilt acknowledging the inherent stress in the situation and, no, I do not feel stress to the exclusion of gratitude. I'm really happy others are in a situation where they can handle things with relative ease. I am not. That's why I vent. It doesn't make me an ungrateful monster, it makes me a stressed out mom.
    Sounds like you have a very valid reason for not wanting to bother returning things. The good news is, most stores are VERY lenient on return times if it's bought off the registry. I took NB diapers back when my son was probably 3 or 4 months old. I just found them in the closet. 

    Do you have a trusted friend or relative that could help with returns? Someone who won't be offended or go blabbing to other people about what you've returned? 
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  • AggieMom0809AggieMom0809 member
    OP: I understand the frustration. While I'm sure you are grateful of any gifts, it is frustrating to go through the effort of a registry and have no one buy off of it so you're stuck guessing at what else you may need. Think of it this way, registries are still a fairly new concept. I want to say 20 years or less for baby registries. (correct me if I'm wrong) It used to be you bought something cute for the baby or made something. All gear was purchased by the parents to be. Now there's so many baby gear and gadgets to choose from, it's nice to use that as a guide. My grandmother still refuses to even look at registries and says they are like begging. 

    I did do a registry again this time, but it was more for myself to remember what I saw and liked in the store. Now I'm having to go back and edit it, because my friends offered to throw a shower for me. :) (They're awesome!) Now it has me worried though because I'd planned on searching resale shops for most items and now I don't know what to buy or wait on. I don't want to try to search last minute and end up having to pay full price.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    All my best friends live about 250 miles away. When on night shifts, I can sometimes be up and out around 5pm on my days off, but that's usually spent going to class (5p-9:30p). I have some friends here, but none that I'm 100% positive wouldn't be offended. DH is gone until Christmas Eve in an intense training program on the other side of the country (about 1,500 miles away). I just got word today that the normal night shift worker might get back a couple weeks earlier, but she's older and having orthopedic surgery and there are no promises. If she does, the whole issue is pretty much greatly GREATLY reduced and I can do a blitzkrieg attack on preparations in those final few weeks (barring any MORE random health problems popping up on my end. Lol). But, like it has been mentioned, I am probably just in the throws of a stress-induced panic attack. I don't even know this will be an issue until everything happens. It's more important that I find reasonable stress relief right now than focus on problem-solving something that isn't a problem yet.
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  • AggieMom0809AggieMom0809 member
    emilyp2013 said:
    All my best friends live about 250 miles away. When on night shifts, I can sometimes be up and out around 5pm on my days off, but that's usually spent going to class (5p-9:30p). I have some friends here, but none that I'm 100% positive wouldn't be offended. DH is gone until Christmas Eve in an intense training program on the other side of the country (about 1,500 miles away). I just got word today that the normal night shift worker might get back a couple weeks earlier, but she's older and having orthopedic surgery and there are no promises. If she does, the whole issue is pretty much greatly GREATLY reduced and I can do a blitzkrieg attack on preparations in those final few weeks (barring any MORE random health problems popping up on my end. Lol). But, like it has been mentioned, I am probably just in the throws of a stress-induced panic attack. I don't even know this will be an issue until everything happens. It's more important that I find reasonable stress relief right now than focus on problem-solving something that isn't a problem yet.
    Get a prenatal massage! Then go on a mini shopping spree (in store or online), for the things on your list you really want. That way you know what you're getting. Obviously, remove them from the registry then.
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    The massage sounds wonderful if I can find an affordable place in town. :-) Thinking tonight I may try a warm bath with "happy smelling" candles. I think I have a certificate somewhere for a free pedicure a friend gave me that she got through some weird combination of contacts that involved someone who owned a salon. Lol But it may have been lost in the move.
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  • TMast21TMast21 member
    I get you, I work two part time jobs that add up to 55+ hours a week. My husband is in engineering school full time, has a full time job, and does some freelance work for extra money. I'm hoping I can get us free and clear of our debt by the time this baby arrives. Our registry is super minimal, but necessary. I have my fingers crossed that my in laws will buy us the car seat and stroller off of our registry. My dad is semi retired with limited resources, and my mom's been out of work since she's been diagnosed with cancer. I'm hoping that our friends and family will realize that we need some things off the registry since it's obviously so basic, but I've found some great consignment shops that I can afford to buy the essentials at if needed! Don't stress about not having what you want, the baby won't remember if they had everything second hand. I've found some great things for $1 at consignment sales! Also, you can remove anything extra and still use the registry completion coupon :)
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  • emilyp2013emilyp2013 member
    @TMast21‌ Yeah, mine is super basic, too. Only about 70 items including the really small cheap things like sippy cups. I am deep down 100% positive everything we need we will be able to provide. I strongly suspect I'm panicking and the more time I spend trying to calm myself the more certain I am that this is the case. I'm probably going to think I was a total nut ball this time next week.
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