Thoughts on "school" for 3 & under

missz326 · September 2014

Ok so I am daring to see what other fellow stay at home moms think on this. I have a lot of (mostly working mom) friends who obviously have had to have there kids in daycare since day one and always feel the need to ask me when I am sending my daughter to school. I honestly don't believe anything prior to 4 aka preschool is school! Its actually one of my pet peeves when parents post pics of their 2 yr old heading to daycare and call it the 1st day of school haha. Every time I bring it up they always say well they are learning a lot there & its like ya well they are at the age where everyday is a learning experience. I do numbers, abc's, colors with my kid and you don't see me calling myself a homeschooling mom !

My daughter just turned 3 in Aug and I have no plans for her to attend daycare! We are part of multiple play groups and she socializes at least 3x a week with other kids. Bottom line do you guys feel like as SAHM that this was the ENTIRE point of quitting our jobs was to be here for them NOW! I think preschool even if its only a few times a week is important AT four!...thoughts ? Opinions?

dizzycooks · September 2014

Oh boy this should be interesting...

I am one of those annoying moms who took a pick of her 2 1/2 yo and posted a first day of school pic. It was in jest, mostly.

magentawarped · September 2014

I think we do what works for us. I send my 2 1/2 year old to a half day SCHOOL program. Yes, school, not daycare. I work with her at home, but it benefits her a lot to be with other kids in a learning environment. They do a lot of things that I wouldn't think to do, and she learns to listen and follow directions from an authority figure other than a parent, and to do this while there are other distractions.

You sound pretty high-horsey there, OP.

vlagrl29 · September 2014

DD just started pre school as of this month and she really enjoys it. They do learn - letters, colors, shapes. The teacher told us that at Kindergarden kids are expected to know how to write their letters and if kids don't do preschool they will be behind. DD will have 2 years of preschool prior to K. DD is very social and thrives on structure and I can tell she needs more than just me every day.

spring_time · September 2014

Since I am a SAHM, I think it especially important DS leaves my side and learns how to function independently, follow directions given by another adult, and navigate social relationships on his own. If anything, being a SAHM makes me think it is even more important he attend preschool.

magentawarped · September 2014

Also, god forbid any SAHM have some time away from their kids for whatever reason. I mean, we signed on to be around them 24/7, amirite?

Sigh.

dmartin726 · September 2014

Um. My kid goes to "school". She is 3. I take her photo almost daily. When she wakes up I say time for "school".

Her pre-school is in NO way a daycare facility. It is structured and based on learning.

Since starting 3 weeks ago she is already speaking better, behaving better around the house, having more patience etc.

I work with her at home, but I am not a teacher. So yeah, her halfday "school" program is working great for her.

If you don't have to send your child and you don't feel the early "schooling" is necessary, by all means. Stay home with them and teach them yourself.

Oh and for the record. I think that being there for them NOW is doing whats best for them. What's best for my child is structured socialization.

dmartin726 · September 2014

nowababy said:

Oh boy. Wait wait wait let me get my popcorn.

I'll take a bowl.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2014

Around here the actual preschools (ie not a daycare center) start at three. I sent my kids at three. I don't think being apart for 2.5 hours negates the purpose of staying at home and it's impossible to replicate the developmental benefits from preschool by practicing letters and bringing your kids to play dates.

missz326 · September 2014

I figured it would be a hot topic but I legitimately wanted to hear your opinions. I was not trying to sound rude its just my opinion . As these are yours. Sorry if I came off as rude. It was not my intention.

notkateanymore · September 2014

I've never understood why people give a shit what other people call where their kids go to "school, daycare, MDO" etc.

penguingrrl · September 2014

I think different things work for different families. My oldest didn't start preschool until 4 and I feel guilty she started too late (our decision was made because we couldn't find an affordable program where we were). She has thrived in school since starting and it was fine, but she would have definitely benefitted from at least another year of school. My second started at 3 and it was amazing. I assure you that the 5 hours a week (2.5 hours twice a week) didn't negate the point of me being home, just supplemented her experience and my sanity. I'm trying hard to find a school for my son to start at 2.5 because I think he'll thrive from it.

Also, any reputable daycare is functioning as a school. I mean, yes, part of the day is just sort of babysitting, but they also are generally accredited as preschools (and many, at least in my area, are accredited for K as well) and have certified teachers, not just babysitters. Most kids I know who went to daycare had the same type of curriculum that my kids had in preschool/preK in addition to a safe place to be while their parents were at work.

Andrewsgal · September 2014

missz326 said:
I figured it would be a hot topic but I legitimately wanted to hear your opinions. I was not trying to sound rude its just my opinion . As these are yours. Sorry if I came off as rude. It was not my intention.

My opinion? Sit back and enjoy. I think you sound like a horrible person. I think you are jealous that these other parents can afford to send their kids to quality preschools for more than one year. I think it is insanely important for kids of SAHM to get out of the house without mommy being there. Here preschools start at 2, do I think it's necessary? Nope. Do I think kids who go to preschool are more well rounded than those who stay home? Yep times 100.

notkateanymore · September 2014

Seriously, daycares teach and teachers babysit up until a certain age.

missz326 · September 2014

i promise you i am not a horrible person. I guess i am outnumbered here in opinion and i that is ok. I respect you ladies and will just stop checking this thread because i am pregnant and literally will cry (lol pathetic i know). Again sorry for upsetting anyone wasn't my intention. I guess i sort of vented because i have had so many people lately worried about when and where my child goes to school that i lashed out in words but i promise you i am not a terrible person for it. Maybe I have been on the fence for so long that I haven't been able to see the benefits of 2 year schooling vs just 1 before kinder.

notkateanymore · September 2014

Oh good lord.

Andrewsgal · September 2014

If this makes you cry you should probably just leave the bump all together.

dmartin726 · September 2014

missz326 said:

i promise you i am not a horrible person. I guess i am outnumbered here in opinion and i that is ok. I respect you ladies and will just stop checking this thread because i am pregnant and literally will cry (lol pathetic i know). Again sorry for upsetting anyone wasn't my intention. I guess i sort of vented because i have had so many people lately worried about when and where my child goes to school that i lashed out in words but i promise you i am not a terrible person for it. Maybe I have been on the fence for so long that I haven't been able to see the benefits of 2 year schooling vs just 1 before kinder.

I can assure you, you did not upset anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

magentawarped · September 2014

dmartin726 said:

missz326 said:

i promise you i am not a horrible person. I guess i am outnumbered here in opinion and i that is ok. I respect you ladies and will just stop checking this thread because i am pregnant and literally will cry (lol pathetic i know). Again sorry for upsetting anyone wasn't my intention. I guess i sort of vented because i have had so many people lately worried about when and where my child goes to school that i lashed out in words but i promise you i am not a terrible person for it. Maybe I have been on the fence for so long that I haven't been able to see the benefits of 2 year schooling vs just 1 before kinder.

I can assure you, you did not upset anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

That's not entirely true. She implied that I was less of a SAHM than her because I sent my kid to school. I'm a little miffed at that.

dmartin726 · September 2014

magentawarped said:

missz326 said:

i promise you i am not a horrible person. I guess i am outnumbered here in opinion and i that is ok. I respect you ladies and will just stop checking this thread because i am pregnant and literally will cry (lol pathetic i know). Again sorry for upsetting anyone wasn't my intention. I guess i sort of vented because i have had so many people lately worried about when and where my child goes to school that i lashed out in words but i promise you i am not a terrible person for it. Maybe I have been on the fence for so long that I haven't been able to see the benefits of 2 year schooling vs just 1 before kinder.

I can assure you, you did not upset anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
That's not entirely true. She implied that I was less of a SAHM than her because I sent my kid to school. I'm a little miffed at that.

Sorry..You're right. I shouldn't have spoken for everyone. I was not upset.

spring_time · September 2014

It is the caps and emphasis on certain words which makes you sound judgey. It sounds as if you think people who don't make your choices are not doing it right.

As much value as I think preschool gives to DS, it is equally valuable to me. I do not feel the need to be with DS 24/7, and there is nothing wrong with that. It also gives me a chance to have 1 on 1 time with DD.

LatteLady5 · September 2014

OP, consider how what you wrote and how you phrased it may be insulting to others. " Bottom line do you guys feel like as SAHM that this was the ENTIRE point of quitting our jobs was to be here for them NOW!" That particular statement implies that parents who do choose to send their children to daycare or school prior to age four are somehow not "there for them."

Just as you don't appreciate being made to feel less of a mother for choosing to wait a bit for pre-k, moms who do choose to send their kiddos earlier don't appreciate it either. Additionally, preschools do exist before age 4 and really, it doesn't matter what you want to call it. You know?

We plan to homeschool for a variety of reasons, but may end up sending DD to pre-k next year as well. There's more to pre-k than just ABC's, colors and numbers. Learning to be away from mom and follow directions with a group is really beneficial

vettymama · September 2014

Umm my 23 month old goes to ECFE twice a week and we call it school. And so does my 6 month old. And yes, I did take pictures on the first day but only said ECFE/School for DS1.

notkateanymore · September 2014

I took a picture of the first day of school for my then 7mo old. He has reading, art and gym...school!

trizzie · September 2014

My oldest went at 3 1/2. My middle will go at 4 for one year. I go kid by kid. He needed two years, she will be fine with one. I don't care what others do though - to each their own.

lyingliarlies · September 2014

Oh hell no. I don't want someone else raising my kids!!!!!##11!

Lolz. OP, the ladies on this board are very wise and the vast majority will (have already) tell you all the benefits of a child being in all kinds of programs - whether it's MMO, daycare , preschool, or pre-k. They have been there both as parents and educators.

fitmom82 · September 2014

My 2 and 4 year old go to daycare, I'm a teacher. Compared to children I've seen their age that are with grandparents or sitters, don't really know any full time SAHMs, my children know more. I have no idea if they will have an advantage or not when the go to kindergarden or as they get older, especially since so many children do go to "school" at a very young age, but right now they're ahead of their peers that are not in school socially, verbally, and academically.

Plus because they're home during the summer and it seems to be the thing to do this year, I got to take a picture of my 2 year old and post it as his 1st day of school picture, which was nice since he was so much more excited about it than my 4 year old who was not ready to get up and get going yet.

fitmom82 · September 2014

why is preschool great but it's ok to turn your nose up to daycare? From what I've seen they're pretty much the same thing. All daycares I've seen aim to teach children. I haven't see any where they watch tv all day or play all day with no structure or purpose. There is play time, but there's always a theme or circle time or crafts with a purpose too.

jlpev · September 2014

Ds was 3.5 in Aug. He started a pre3 program. Its Monday-thursday 9-12. I think it will help prepare him for full day prek next year. I don't think its really needed but I can tell a huge difference since he started school.

missz326 · September 2014

Alright I am back yesterday I was being a lil baby cuz of my stupid hormones . I also cried at a cat commercial haha being prego , alone with your 2 children, while your husbands been away working in another state for months is DRAINING but ok blah blah back to this.

Since I stirred up SO many opinions on why you guys think I think this way I felt like theres soooo much more to why MY opinion is what it is. When I had my first child I had to go back to work by the time he was 2. From 2 to 3 he went to the best daycare I could find in our area. I loved the environment and the people that took care of him and it wasn't that I look or looked down on daycare its that I missssed being with him everyday. I would cry dropping him off everyday before going to work. By the time he was 3 I went back to College to finish up my credits. Found a preschool/daycare would drop him off in the morning had my mom pick him up after she got off of work while I ran from my job to night classes. The only days i would see him was Sat/Sun! That went on till he was 5 and was in normal school by which I had met my amazing husband who saw me struggle as a single young mother and when I gave birth to my daughter gave me the gift of becoming a SAHM. I missed sooo much with my son. My son is super smart and amazing and if we accredit his early schooling to that than ok. With my daughter I wanted to do things differently. I have nothing but time this time around. I wanted time to teach her myself, see her early development, just BE there. I had prayed for years to have this. I am tired of others telling me she needs to be in a preschool at 3. Her 3 activities a week two of them she is alone with her teacher and classmates while parents leave. She IS learning how to be away from me and take direction from others. I guess I brought this VENT (because thats what it was) to the SAHM forum because i felt somebody not everyone but somebody might feel what I am feeling. I can see now that I stand alone on this and thats ok because you guys spoke your opinions on schooling before 4 and gave me another perspective and it was refreshing. It was what I needed since my view is filled with so much guilt of the sacrifices I HAD to do for my first child. So again I do apologize for making others feel less or sounding judgy but I was just fed up in my own world of attacks. Thats my problem.

I am new to the bump and maybe I suck at conveying my feelings in writing . I like this community and promise not to be annoying/judgy in the future .

jlpev · September 2014

I completely understand that feeling. That is why my ds started at 3.5 yo.

rosesandpetals · September 2014

EDIT: Just saw the update. Oh, ffs. Just go away.

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

DD goes to school three times a week. She loves it! I get one-on-one time with my son. We also still do all the home schooling extras & playgroups. It's a benefit for her. She turns 3 in October.

I say every family has to do what works for them. Judgy Sanctimommies are not in this Fall. (:|

PaisleyRuth · September 2014

My 2 and 3.5 yr olds started preschool this fall. They go 5 days a week from 9-1.This allows me to work part time and have 1 morning free to run errands without children. It has already been great for them just in the first 4 weeks for the reasons others have stated. My DH works ALL the time and SAH fully with all responsibilities falling on me 24/7 turned out to suck really bad and be too much for me, even though it's what I had wanted my whole life.

missz326 · September 2014

rainbowdasher said:
OP do you have a six car driveway?
Ladies, I think this one is her.

? Is that an inside joke?! Not following

trizzie · September 2014

diapersnwipes said:

I judge people who can't leave their kids 2 times a week for 2.5 hours. I judge hard. Eventually your kid will have to be without you and you are doing a disservice by not preparing them for that. I personally like sending DD 2 days this year and hopefully 4 or 5 half days next year. K is full day. I hope by building up slowly she will have a smooth transition. Note- my "you" isn't directed at the OP.

I will say that I wish we had the option for 2.5 hour school. I would definitely send DD at 3 if we had that. However, in my town every single MDO/preschool is 5.5 hours 2 days a week. And in all honesty, I don't want her to go that long at this age. And I don't want a double drop off (dropping DS off at 7:50 for school and her at 9) and then the double pick up - not with the baby coming. I am lazy. But, she goes to childcare while I am in bible study for 2 hours and she goes to dance for an hour. She separates from me easily.

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