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I just need to vent (RE: DS1 and behavior at school)

aforstaforst member
in Parenting
I've posted about the issues we are having with DS1 in first grade this year.  In general, he's having trouble with focus, impulsivity, and distraction.  His teacher does a behavior chart for him each day.  There is an opportunity with each activity for him to earn a "smiley"  if he can get 8/12 he gets a reward (ipad for 10 mins).  In general, he reaches or exceeds his goal more often than not.  Yesterday he got all 12.  He got ice cream after dinner and we talked about how proud we were.

We had a great morning this morning.  He was in a good mood and we talked about how he should try really hard to have another great day.  Then I get this email from his teacher:

Good Morning,
Vincent is having a really hard time this morning. He has gotten two X’s already for refusing to do his work station and putting his hands on another student. When he arrived at school this morning, he didn’t seem in a great mood. I was just wondering if he had a rough morning at home. He is also have trouble working independently. He wants to tell me something or ask me a question very frequently (about every 5 minutes).
Thanks for the info,

I'm just so frustrated.  I don't understand why he's doing this.  We have our first appt with a behavioral psychologist next Tuesday to discuss all of this (just DH and I, not V).  I responded to his teacher that we had a fine morning and he didn't give me any trouble.  I told her we discussed how our behavior should be for the day.  I asked what we could do to help and asked if it's possible for us to talk to him on the phone right now.  I don't even know if that's appropriate.  I just know it's hard to discuss this stuff with him at the end of the day b/c it's out of his mind at that point.

I'm hopeful the doctor will be able to help us guide him in the right direction.  I just hate this.  I hate that his teacher probably views him as a "problem" and that's heartbreaking b/c he is such a sweet little soul. 

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Re: I just need to vent (RE: DS1 and behavior at school)

  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    I have no good ideas (not that you were asking for any) but I just wanted to give you creepy e hugs. 
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • ppantsppants member

    I'm sorry DS is having a rough time.  My DS was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) over the summer.  We began meds (generic Concerta) and he's done wonderful in 3rd grade.  He's only flipped a card twice this year.  He stays on task and is able to move from one task to another seamlessly. 

    We started with seeing a social worker for family therapy and to get a plan in place to help make better choices in school and at home.  He was trying, but it wasn't there really wasn't much of an impact.  She referred us to the pyschiatrist.  We got lucky with the 1st med we tried that it helped with without side effects.  The only one he's experienced is decreased appetite.  The medication make it easier for him to make the right choices and stay on task. 

    ((hugs))  I hope things improve for you both soon.

    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • MrsT0514MrsT0514 member
    Im sorry. I have no helpful advice, but just want to offer hugs and support. Its so tough to see your child struggling, no matter what his/her age and struggle may be. I hope you guys get some answers from the behavioral psych.
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  • Salsera29Salsera29 member
    Does he take a bus?


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  • aforstaforst member
    Salsera29 said:
    Does he take a bus?
    He does.  So, I'm not sure if something happened on the way to school that upset him.  I'll have to ask him about it when I pick him up.
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  • aforstaforst member
    Salsera29 said:
    Salsera29 said:
    Does he take a bus?
    He does.  So, I'm not sure if something happened on the way to school that upset him.  I'll have to ask him about it when I pick him up.
    That's what I was thinking, that maybe something happened on the bus. And I want you to know that as a teacher, sometimes the "problem" kids are my favorites. Just because a student is high - maintenance doesn't mean he or she isn't completely loveable.
    Thank you for that.  I hope that's the case.  She has made comments before that he's sweet and she can tell he does try hard to make good choices (not today obviously).  So, I'm hopeful she does see what we see. 
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  • FalconCrestFalconCrest member
    Salsera29 said:
    Salsera29 said:
    Does he take a bus?
    He does.  So, I'm not sure if something happened on the way to school that upset him.  I'll have to ask him about it when I pick him up.
    That's what I was thinking, that maybe something happened on the bus. And I want you to know that as a teacher, sometimes the "problem" kids are my favorites. Just because a student is high - maintenance doesn't mean he or she isn't completely loveable.
    This. 

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  • aforstaforst member
    AZ123 said:

    I know it seems like you're constantly getting "talked to' yourself by the teacher, but teachers that are this communicative are the ones that know you're a parent who is trying to make the situation better so give yourself a pat on the back.

    Thank you, I appreciate that.  She is very communicative which, at least to me, feels good and bad.  It's good b/c we want to know what's going on so we can address it at home.  At the same time, it sometimes makes me feel that she's running into situations with him that she feels the need to reach out to us.  I have to remind myself a lot that 1. she doesn't email us every day, not even every week and 2. we've asked her to keep us in the loop and that's what she's doing.

    I'm sure it goes without saying, but it's just hard to hear negative things about your kid.
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  • pinkoptimistpinkoptimist member
    I taught elementary school for four years, and I just want to reiterate that kids who are having trouble are often the most rewarding to teach. I would have kids who needed some extra help with their behavior, but their good days made me so proud of them. Every kid has some rough days. It's also great that the teacher is keeping you in the loop about what she is seeing at school. I hope he has a better rest of the day!
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  • Sillygirl85Sillygirl85 member
    The behavioral psychologist should have some good insights. Knowing why the behavior is happening is key to making a plan that will be effective and identifying replacement behaviors to reward.
    You could try suggesting to the teacher that on days when your son is really struggling that she provide reinforcement more frequently.
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  • shadypinesshadypines member
    Hopefully behavioral psychologist have some answers and clarity.

    We also saw a Development and Behavioral Pediatrics doctor this summer. And neurologist. Very very helpful.

    Good luck!


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